Damaged Hearts
by brokenangel913
Summary: Bella has turned into a party girl after a bad experience in Pheonix. Her Mom sends her to Forks. Edward is struggling with the fact that he was abused and abandoned as a child. Will they find love? Rated M for Abuse, Rape, Sexual content, language/lemons
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: **

**BPOV:**

Knowing that you are self destructing doesn't mean you can stop. I knew I had been in self-destruct mode for a while now. I knew I kept putting myself in situations that were detrimental to me both physically and emotionally. I didn't feel like I was in control of my life anymore. I was just an empty broken shell. I had no more trust or love to give. I didn't want to feel or remember anything.

I know my Mom, Renee, was only trying to help me when she told me that I needed to go live with my Dad, Charlie, for a while. I know she thought that he could "straighten" me out. Of course, she thought that my problems were just teenage rebellion. She thought that life with Charlie, the Police Chief of Forks, WA. would be good for me. She also thought that I wouldn't be able to find trouble in such a small town. She was wrong of course. I don't know why, but danger and trouble seemed to be magnetically drawn to me. It was only a matter of time.

Today was the first day of school. I really hated being the new girl. I would be much happier staying out of the spotlight and fading into the background. "Yeah, like that will happen!" I sighed to myself. I was still undecided about how much I wanted people here to know about my past. That I was a party girl, maybe, but definitely not the reasons why I had turned to partying.

I finished getting dressed and headed downstairs to grab a cereal bar before heading to school. Charlie was on his way out the door.

"Morning Bella. I put some money on the table for you to get lunch. I probably won't be home until after 6. You ok fending for yourself until then?"

"Yeah Charlie, I think I can manage" I said noting that he grimaced when I said Charlie instead of Dad.

"You know Bella, I trust you, until you show me that you can't be trusted. Renee thinks I am being too easy on you. I figure you got enough to worry about right now with the new school and all. So, don't disappoint me okay? It's a chance to start over." He was using his Police Chief Swan voice now.

"Ok Dad" was all I could think of to say.

He really was trying to make life here easy for me. He bought me a truck, so I wouldn't have to rely on him to get around. He was being extremely generous considering everything I had done this last year. I felt guilty. Charlie and Renee didn't know the reasons behind my behavior. Charlie probably thought it was Renee's lack of parental supervision. I wasn't sure that the change in scenery would make that much of difference though.

As I sat there eating my cereal bar and drinking a glass of milk I let my mind drift back to the cause of my "altered" behavior. James. He was the first guy who ever really paid attention to me. I thought he loved me. I was stupid. In the beginning it was great, but it didn't take long for it to change. He only wanted one thing. Once he had that, I was nothing to him. I was less than nothing. I had been easy prey, just another conquest. When he knew that I wasn't going to go all the way with him, he decided to just take what he wanted. I hated myself for being so stupid.

He actually seemed shocked when he finally realized that I was telling him the truth about being a virgin. It didn't take long for his shock to turn to jealousy and rage. I might have been able to deal with that, but he seemed to think that I was such a novelty that I needed to be shared. Sick bastard!

He called his friends over, and one by one let them have a turn with me. At some point I quit fighting and just laid there limp and lifeless. When they were all finally finished with me James came back in, spit in my face, called me a 'fucking worthless whore' and had his friends hold me down while he carved his name into my upper thigh.

"You'll always belong to me baby bell."

I didn't speak to anyone about it. I didn't want anyone to know. I just wanted to die.

I guess my behavior after that was a twisted kind of self defense. I wasn't going to let myself be used again. I decided I knew what all guys wanted- sex. With knowledge was power. I gave myself the power over them. I wouldn't let them use me, because I used them first.

I started going to parties and drinking a lot. The booze helped me not to feel. I was almost happy when I was drinking. It was my drinking and not coming home that worried Renee. She didn't know about the rest of it. I had pushed her to her limits with my last 'episode'. I had been partying with a bunch of college kids and didn't come home for a week. When I did finally stumble home, she already had my things packed and told me I was moving to Forks.

"Well, better get it over with" I said to myself as I grabbed my book bag and headed out the door wiping away the tears that had started falling down my cheeks.

**EPOV:**

Alice was getting on my nerves today. All morning she was jumping around all excited about the new girl arriving at school today. Her talk, and her thoughts were giving me a headache. Alice was a year younger than me. She had premonitions and I could pick up peoples thoughts. Today her thoughts were screaming at me in excitement. I tried to drown her out with the stereo on the way to school, but now she was literally bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Aren't you even a little bit curious about her Edward?"

"No. Why should I be?"

"Because she is something different. Something new."

"Alice I think the small town life is rubbing off on you" I said as I tossled her hair and headed off to class.

"Fine, be that way. But you will change your mind. I know it."

Alice had been frustrated by her visions, or lack of lately. Then this morning she finally had one that made her think that the new girl was going to be part of our lives. It was only a few quick flashes, and nothing clear. The only thing that had been clear, was a girl crying and my hand on her shoulder. But she only saw the girl from behind, so we still didn't know what she looked like, or why I was standing next to her. Alice's visions changed all the time, so I knew it was only one possible future.

I tried to put Alice and her excitement out of my mind. It was hard to do because the whole school was buzzing with excitement over the new girl. Today was going to be tougher than usual to block everyone out. I could never keep everyone completely out, but I could usually manage to block enough so the voices were only a background hum in my head.

Apparently the new girl, Isabella Swan, had not yet arrived. Nobody knew what she looked like, and everyone was anxious to get a first look. The girls were mostly petty with their thoughts, hoping that she was not pretty. The boys were all trying to picture her, and how they would try to hook up with her. Yes, this was going to be a difficult day.

All morning I had been bombarded by thoughts of Isabella. She seemed to be on the mind of everyone in the school. That's what you get for living in a small town. I knew what she looked like now from the thoughts of others. She was pretty I guess. Nothing too remarkable, but the guys were already lining up for chances to help her or ask her out. Mostly she seemed to cringe away from them. Not that they noticed, they were too caught up in their fantasy to notice her reaction to them. By the time lunch came around I was slightly curious about the girl.

Alice was still bouncing. Apparently her excitement hadn't worn off yet. I groaned and shook my head as I made my way to our table. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend just rolled his eyes at me.

"She will be coming in from that door." Alice said. Then she leaned over and whispered to me, "You will need to help her Edward. So watch closely".

I looked at her and at the rest of my family. Emmett just shrugged. Rosalie shook her head.

"What did you see Alice?" I tried focusing on her thoughts to see if I could pick up on her vision of why I would be helping the new girl.

"Its not clear, I just know that she is going to need your help. And I don't know if its today, or when it is, but she needs your help."

"So, you don't know what she needs my help for, you don't see anything bad happening, you just feel like she needs my help? Why me? What could she possibly need my help for?"

I felt a sinking felling in my gut as thoughts of my past resurfaced and I remembered how desperately I had wanted, no needed, someone to help me. That help never came, at least not when he needed it. His body involuntarily shuddered at the memory.

"I don't know Edward, but I do know it's important!"

Alice was looking upset at my lack of concern. She didn't understand that it was my defense mechanism. Push people away, don't make contact, don't get close to anyone.

"OK Alice. Calm down. I will keep my eyes and ears open".

"Thank you Edward!" She smiled and relaxed a little bit. I just shook my head.

I knew from the thoughts swarming around the lunchroom that she liked to be called Bella. She was kind of quiet. The entire lunchroom population seemed to be waiting to get her attention. I chuckled under my breath.

"You're right Alice. The entire lunchroom seems ready to pounce on her!"

Lunch passed uneventfully. Bella sat with Jessica Stanley and her cronies. She didn't look comfortable. I noticed that every time Mike Newton, or any of the other boys tried to touch her or get close to her she cringed away from them. There was some mild gossip as Jessica was trying to fill her in on who's who. Naturally, she had to explain our unusual family situation to her. To my surprise, Bella didn't seem to take much interest. I couldn't get a read on her thoughts, but figured that was because I was being overwhelmed with thoughts about her from everyone in the room.

I was sure that she would have questions about "the Cullen's". Alice and I were adopted into the family. Emmett was the only true Cullen, but he never treated us as anything less than his brother and sister. In fact they had all welcomed me and Alice into their family so whole heartedly that it made me feel even more guilty that I couldn't respond the way they hoped. I knew better than to get close, and even though I knew they cared, I knew I didn't deserve their love. I was damaged. I would never be good enough to deserve them.

We had only been with the Cullen's for 5 years. It was the longest we had stayed in any one place, but I still didn't trust that it would last. They would eventually see the 'wrongness' in me, and not want me around anymore. If you looked at Alice, you would never be able to tell what our life had been like before. I had tried to protect her from the worst of it. Even she didn't know about everything that had happened back then. It was my shame, my secret, and something that nobody would ever know. Carlisle and Esme knew some, but they didn't know the true extent of what had happened. If they did, they never would have taken me into their home.

"Alice, I don't think she needs my help right now, I am going to class".

Alice pouted, but agreed that lunch had turned out disappointing for her.

"She is going to need your help Edward". But she let it go when the bell rang for next period.

I needed to get away from my own thoughts. I needed to not feel anything

I sat in Biology waiting for the class to start when Bella walked in. She spoke with Mr. Banner briefly and he pointed her towards my table. It was the only empty seat left in the class. Looks like were going to be lab partners. Maybe that was the help that Alice saw.

As she was walking by me to get to her seat she tripped and came crashing down onto my lap. I caught her before her head flew back and hit the table. Her eyes were wide with shock and horror. One of my hands was holding her neck, and the other was wrapped around her waist in an effort to steady her.

Then I was the one to get the look of shock and horror on my face as the desire to tighten the embrace and kiss her took over. There was an electrical current that seemed to run through our bodies. I fought against this sudden desire tensing up.

"Get your hands off me" she hissed. The look she gave me was telling me that at that moment she would like nothing more than to kill me.

"Hey, you're the one who decided to sit in my lap instead of the chair" I said smiling and trying to lighten the mood by holding my hands up in surrender.

Her face betrayed her with its furious blush, and I knew that she was more embarrassed and upset with herself than anything else.

"So, are you ok? Do you need any help, or were you planning on sitting in my lap for the rest of class?" I asked arching an eyebrow at her.

She still hadn't moved. She just shook her head no, and tried to compose herself as she slid off my lap and into her chair. I chuckled again as I looked at her trying to hide behind her hair.

"What?" she said glaring at me with her deep brown eyes. There was also a sorrow hidden deep inside those eyes. And suddenly I wanted to make her happy. I wanted the sorrow to go away.

"Nothing, I was just thinking for someone who seems to not like attention you definitely know how to make an entrance".

"Yeah, well, I aim to please" her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She didn't say anything else since Mr. Banner called class to order. I watched her curiously from the corner of my eye and noticed that her blush had returned. She was still trying to hide herself behind her hair.

My thoughts drifted to the sensations I felt when she landed in my lap. I wanted to reach over and move her hair back so I could see her face more clearly. I wanted to hold her to me and see her smile.

I wanted to kiss her… God what was I thinking? What was I doing? I must be channeling the thoughts of Mike Newton or one of the other boys in class. What I was thinking was not even remotely possible for me. Not after what I went through for years, and have spent years trying to move beyond. Never again. I could not, WOULD not let myself get close to anyone.

Fuck that shit!

It was hard enough walking through the halls and having to hear all of the gossip that never seemed to go away. I think the latest rumor is that I am a player, and too good for the local girls. Of course, I still hear the rumors speculating that I am gay as well. Let them think what they want.

It's pretty sad when you really think about it though. They are all so caught up in their little high school drama's that they don't know anything about me, or anyone else, at all. They see and hear what they want to hear. Being a Cullen has it's advantages though. They are in awe of the money and status. They seem tolerant of the fact that I am different, because of who I am. Like money explains everything. If they knew the real me they would be just as repulsed as I am. But I am a good actor. I can hide it all away and show them what they want instead. It's not that hard.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know things are going kind of slow at the moment but I think it's needed to get to the good stuff. Things will pick up more in the next chapter… thanks for reading and please review. (This is my first time so be gentle with me, and show me what you like…)**

**Also, This story involves teen drinking, sex, drugs etc… it is rated M for this reason. If you are uncomfortable with the subject material please don't read. (It is in here because it is a realistic part of life).**

_**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight- I am just taking them out to party for a while…**_

Chapter 2:

**BPOV:**

Great! Just Great! I was ready to die of embarrassment. Typical Bella move though. I should have known that a change of scenery wouldn't change my lack of coordination, or my ability to trip over thin air. I wanted to scream. I wanted to get wasted! Today was sheer torture. I don't think there was one single person in this school who hadn't tried to talk to me or get near me. I had thought that lunch was the worst. I sat with Jessica and her friends. The girls were all nice enough, trying to fill me in on who's who. The boys just wouldn't let up. One of them even had the nerve to kiss my cheek.

Now I realized that Biology was the worst part of my day. How could I just trip into someone's lap? And then yell at him to get his hands off of me, when clearly he had only been trying to keep me from falling any further. I sunk down further in my seat and tried to hide behind my hair. I could still feel him watching me. I just want this day to end.

When the bell finally rang I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped away from it.

"Sorry. I was just wondering if you needed help finding your next class?" The boy whose lap I assaulted earlier was asking.

I stared at him in disbelief. I am sure that my jaw must have dropped open. I hadn't noticed before how green his eyes were. I saw the intensity of his gaze and my defenses immediately went up.

"No, I can manage." I said with more anger than intended.

He looked hurt by my sudden flash of anger, but hid it quickly behind a crooked half smile. "Suit yourself" he said raising his hands up in surrender again. Then he walked off shaking his head.

My last class was fairly uneventful. I didn't have to dress down for gym, so I was able to just sit there and write in my journal. When class was over Mike Newton insisted on walking me to the parking lot. This guy just wouldn't lay off. He only managed to attract my attention when he mentioned that Lauren, one of the girls we sat with at lunch, was going to be having a party this weekend and wanted to know if I was going to go. I just shrugged my shoulders and said I didn't know. A party sounded great, just not a party with Mike. Some of his friends called to him and he finally left me alone.

I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going, not a good thing for me to do. I looked up, but it was too late. Next thing I know, I am flat on my ass, with my books thrown everywhere. Apparently, someone had put a wall in front of me. And it was laughing. "Uugh". I looked up to see the guy from my Biology class and someone else who I assumed was the wall I ran into.

"Tackling Emmett just isn't a good idea" the boy from Biology snickered as the other boy held his hand out to me.

I let out a deep sigh of exasperation and let him help me up.

"Are you ok? You didn't hurt yourself did you?" Emmett asked.

I just shook my head no and started brushing off the grass and dirt.

"By the way, I'm Edward and this wall you collided with is my brother Emmett."

"Sorry, I'm Bella"

"You know, if you wanted to meet us you could've just said Hi. You don't have to go to such extreme measures for us" Edward said jokingly.

"Maybe I just wanted to sit in your lap instead of that cold _HARD_ chair" I said while batting my eyelashes.

See how that affects him! Ha! But then I decided I should play nice and tried to laugh about it.

"Seriously though, I was really hoping that I left my klutziness in Arizona. Looks like I am still cursed!"

I started gathering up my books and noticed that Edward was blushing, which made me blush. Great! This day just keeps getting better!

He bent down to help me get my books and started to pick up the one book that he couldn't. My journal.

"NO!" I practically screamed at him.

He froze. He just stared at me like I was some crazed lunatic. I think he was probably right. I am acting like a crazed lunatic.

"Sorry, it's just that's private. I don't let anyone see it. You probably think I am a total psycho huh? First I yell at you to get your hands off me- when you were just saving me. Then I practically knock myself out walking into your brother. And now I scream at you because you are trying to be nice. Yeah, you're right; you should probably stay away from me. But, I really am sorry for being such a mental case today. Just a really stress full day y'know?"

"Don't worry about it. It has to be a lot to adjust to, coming here. Bad thing about a small town is you can't just fade into the background. Everybody knows your business."

His green eyes seemed more distant and so sad. He sounded so melancholy when he spoke that it made me want to reach out and comfort him. Get a grip- you really are a mental case- I told myself.

"So Bells, you gonna come hang out with us? We were going to go get something to eat before heading home. And I'd like to be there when you decide to run into someone else" Emmett said with a wide grin.

"Oh gee, thanks! Glad I could provide you with a bit of entertainment. So what? Now you want dinner _**and**_ a show? I'll have to pass... I think I am still under house arrest for now."

I could see Emmett wasn't going to let that one pass so I cut him off "Long story- don't ask."

Emmett just shrugged looking a little disappointed but let it go as he headed over to their car.

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets and walked with me to my truck.

"Umm, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this is probably going to sound weird, since you don't really know me or anything, but I just wanted you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone I'm here. I can be a pretty good listener." He looked at me with those deep green eyes and I could see he really meant it.

Instinct kicked in, the need for self-preservation. Oh no you don't pretty boy… I had to put distance between us. This guy was someone who could really hurt me. I knew I couldn't let myself hope that I was worthy of his kindness. I was broken, used up. I was not good for him or anyone else. He was probably just another player anyway. I mean you don't look that good, and not have every girl ready and willing to give you what you want. He was probably just playing cool, like James did.

"Give me your cell phone" He asked holding out his hand.

"Why?" I was already handing it to him before I realized what I was doing.

"So you have my number if you ever change your mind and want to talk, or hang out, or whatever. Here you go. See you tomorrow Bella".

I just stood there dumbstruck and watched him walk away. I finally managed to pull myself together enough to get in my truck, and head home.

The next couple of days passed uneventfully. I decided that I would be better off if I just kept to myself. I was polite, but kept my guard up and didn't volunteer much in conversations. Every time I saw Emmett he would be grinning from ear to ear and ask

"Hey Bells, run into anyone else lately?" Then laugh his deep booming laugh.

I couldn't help but smile at Emmett. He was such a teddy bear of a guy.

Jessica had filled me in on more gossip about the Cullen's during our lunches together. Apparently Edward was a real player, but didn't waste his time on the high school girls here. He spent a lot of time in Port Angeles partying with older girls.

According to Jess, Edward was only interested in sex. Not that the girls at school minded, they were all willing to be his next conquest. He refused to tie himself down to any one girl though, and it seemed that the girls were willing to accept that as long as he paid attention to them.

It was still hard for me to picture Edward as the same person she was talking about. He just seemed so sincere and nice the few times we had talked. There always seemed to be sadness just under the surface that he kept hidden. Maybe he was just a really good actor.

When I got to my Biology class I could tell that Edward wanted to say something to me. He looked like he was silently arguing with himself, as his expressions kept shifting.

"Hi Edward" I said as I took my seat next to him.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

I groaned, thinking ok here it comes, then looked at him and said "Sure, why not?"

He winced when I groaned, but quickly composed himself. "I just wondered if you had any plans for the weekend yet?"

I took a deep breath and sighed heavily before I looked up at him again. Right when I was getting ready to answer him Mike Newton came up and flicked my hair causing me to cringe closer to Edward. I could almost swear that I heard Edward growl, but Mike didn't seem to notice. I must be imagining things.

"Hey Bella, you still coming to Lauren's party tonight? It's going to be huge!"

"Um, I don't know Mike. Maybe" The bell rang making it impossible to answer Edward.

I glanced over at him, but he just had a deep scowl on his face, and his whole body was tensed up. He stayed like that throughout the entire class. When the bell rang, he didn't even bother to look over at me; he just bolted for the door. Wonder what's up with him?

Mike walked with me to gym class. He was talking about Lauren's party and telling me that they usually get pretty wild. I could see in his eyes what he was hoping would happen. Guys were all the same. I just shook my head and went to the girls' locker room, hoping I could avoid him after class. Luck was on my side, and I managed to get to my truck before Mike, or anyone else could stop me.

When I got home, Jessica called and wanted to know if I wanted to catch a ride with her to the party. I told her I wasn't sure if I was going. I hadn't talked to Charlie about going out, and I didn't know how he would react. I told her I would call her later if I decided to go.

I tried to concentrate on my homework, but my mind kept wandering. I thought about how Edward acted in Biology and wondered again what he was going to ask or if he was just making conversation. I knew from Jessica that they had moved here a few years ago from Chicago. Edward and his sister Alice were adopted by the Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. According to Jessica, Edward was someone to avoid. She had said that he was a loner and kept to himself except for his family. I remembered how she talked about him being a player- just out for sex. With his crazy sex hair, intense green eyes, and dimples, I could easily see why the girls were willing pawns in his game. He just didn't come across as the player type- at least not with me. Maybe he could see through my walls and knew I was damaged. That must be it. Of course he wouldn't want me. He was probably just like James.

Jess had also told me that after moving here Edward went all mental on Mike Newton, for no apparent reason. Mike called him a psycho and claimed that he was just a victim. All of this just left me more confused about who Edward really was. Of course, the way it all sounded he must have multiple personality disorder or something. I didn't really think that was the case, just something that I needed to figure out.

When homework became impossible I put on a CD and just lay back on my bed with my journal. My mind started drifting back to Phoenix and the first day that I saw James. He was wandering the halls of my school trying to avoid the teachers because he wasn't a student there. He smiled at me and my heart melted. It was the dimples that did it. I was a sucker for dimples, what can I say?

He was a smooth talker, and seemed to know exactly what to say to get what he wanted. The first time we went out he got high. He knew I had never tried it before, and thought it would be a good experience for me. I remember sitting on his lap as he took a hit, then he pulled me to him and started kissing me. Next thing I knew he was shot gunning his hit into my mouth, and kissing me so I couldn't break free. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't an amazing experience. Dangerous and sexy at the same time.

Being around him made me want to do whatever I could to make him happy. Tears were starting to fall from my eyes again. I refused to let myself think about how things had changed. I wanted to wash the memories from my mind, so I decided to go to the party.

Charlie was working the late shift tonight, so I decided to call him and see if he would ease up on the house arrest. I knew I would sneak out if he said no, but figured it was best to try for permission first.

"Dad?"

"Hey Bella, what's up kiddo?"

"Some kids from school were going to get together tonight and hang out. I didn't know if I was off house arrest yet, or if you would mind me going?"

"I don't know Bella"

"What kind of trouble do you think I can find in Forks Dad? Besides, you are the Chief of Police; do you really think I can do anything without you knowing about it?"

"Yeah, I guess you have a point there. Ok, but be home by midnight ok? You still have a curfew. I won't get home till after 2, but that doesn't mean I won't know when you made it home. Got me?"

"Sure Dad. Thanks"

I called Jess after Charlie paroled me and asked if she could pick me up. She sounded excited, but I didn't really trust her as a friend yet. She said she would be here in an hour. She seemed kind of petty and I knew she was really into Mike. Fine by me I sure didn't want him. If you ask me, Mike was the womanizer. The only friends I wanted to make tonight were Jack (Daniels), Jim (Beam), Johnny (Walker) or Jose (Cuervo). I knew any one of these fine gentlemen would get me buzzed - and that is all I wanted- that welcoming numbness. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to let people see me in full blown party mode or not. Since I was still unsure about it, I decided that tonight I would just try to get a feel for how things worked here in Forks. Crazy Bella is not going to play tonight. I would just find a nice quiet corner somewhere to hang out and get wasted. No need to shock the whole town just yet.

I took a quick shower and put on my favorite 'party' jeans, white tank top w/built in bra and black low cut V-neck sweater. The jeans made my ass look good, and the sweater showed off what little cleavage I had. My hair would dry curly, so I just put some conditioner on it to tame down the frizzies. I put a hair tie on my wrist in case I wanted it out of my way later, you never know. I wasn't big on make up, so I just added a bit of lip gloss and mascara. I must be anxious; I was done in record time. I still had about 20 minutes before Jess would be here.

I dug through my closet for the bottle of Jack that I had hidden in there. It was the last of my Phoenix party booze. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get it so easy here in Forks, so I had been careful not to waste it. I still had some pot stashed as well. I knew Charlie would freak out if he ever found out about that.

I decided tonight was for indulging so I grabbed a joint to take with me, and then started drinking the whiskey to get me started. I wanted to have fun tonight, and I didn't want to worry about any bullshit. I put on a dance mix CD that one of my College party friends burned for me in Phoenix and started dancing around my bedroom. It's really strange that I can dance halfway decently, but can't walk across a flat surface without tripping. Maybe it is the beat or something. I took a couple more swigs of the whiskey before tucking it away in its hiding spot. It didn't take long to start feeling a little more confident and less tense. Something about music makes me feel sexy, and confident. I think it is a power thing.

I am not sure why, but I decided to text Edward to see if he was going to the party.

_Hey Edward_

_u going to the party 2night?_

_Bella_

His reply was almost immediate.

_Why? _

Ok, that was not what I expected. I thought for a minute before responding. I couldn't help laughing as I typed.

_Hoping to fall in your lap again- guess I can settle for Mike ___

_xo-B- xo_

Yeah, I decided to flirt. I was actually in a good mood since I knew I was going to be getting drunk. Having a little to start me off didn't hurt anything either. And I still wanted to figure out Cullen. He wasn't as predictable as the other guys. I guess I was just curious as to why.

It seemed like an eternity before he texted back.

_If u land in my lap 2nite I'm not gonna let u go!_

_-E-_

_Don't make promises u can't keep- catch me if u can!_

_xo-B-xo_

I heard Jess honk, and hurried out to meet her. Smiling at my last text, and thinking 'c'mon Cullen- see if you can keep up with me".

"Wow, Bella, you look like you are ready to party!"

"Hell yeah! It's been way too long since I was at a good party- so let's get going"

Jess laughed at my enthusiasm. I figure Forks is going to be in for a surprise tonight! Maybe I would let them see the party girl.

"Girl, I didn't take you for the hard core party girl! You seem so quiet at school" Jess looked at me with renewed curiosity.

"Yeah well, I wasn't sure I wanted to advertise the fact that I was sent to Forks because I was partying too much back home. Living with the Chief of Police has kind of put my party days on hold. I was pretty excited to find out that you guys actually do have parties!"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. The chapter just wasn't flowing so I decided to start over from scratch. Hope you like it! Please review! I love all the feedback I have been getting. It helps keep me motivated!

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight- I'm just taking them out to party**_

Chapter 3 (Revised)Party Girl

**EPOV**

As much as I tried to push this girl out of my thoughts, the more those brown eyes seemed to haunt me. There was a sadness hidden deep inside those eyes that I was drawn to. I was pathetic. I had finally resolved to ask her out, not a date, but just 2 people hanging out. I tried to tell myself it was for Alice, because she wanted us to be friends, but I knew there was more to it than that. I had waited for her in Biology, but apparently Mike Newton had the same idea. Fucking figures! Well, at least her response was vague.

I knew she was better off with someone besides me. Anyone else but me. I was broken. Damaged beyond repair. There was no hope for me now. I might as well go to Lauren's party and get totally shit faced, and grab the first piece of ass that walked by!

Sometimes that was the only way I could feel like I was in control of my life. I hated myself for being like this. I hated that I used people to make my pain go away even if it was only for a little while.

I tried to justify it by telling myself that they wanted to have sex with me. I only took those who asked me to. I would never force myself on anyone, not after the things that had been done to me. I found out that when I was in control of their pleasure my pain would subside. Sometimes I just craved their touch.

Usually I would go to Port Angeles or another nearby town when I felt like this. I was too ashamed of myself to have to face them afterwards at school. I was also afraid that someone would find out my secrets. That they would know I was abused growing up. It only made me feel weak and defenseless all over again. I have worked hard to keep all of this buried. Alice didn't even know how bad the abuse got. She was my little sister and I tried to protect her from the worst of it. At least I managed to keep that bastard away from her.

Part of me knew that if Carlisle and Esme found out the extent of what I had done, they would be so disgusted by me that they would get rid of me too. Even my own biological Mother left me when she found out. I still remember the look on her face when she walked in on the sick bastard hurting me. He didn't stop. He only hit me and told me that I even disgusted my mother so much that she left. I use to hope that she would come back and rescue me and Ali, but it became clear that she never would.

The memories were starting to flood back now. This only further emphasized my point that I was damaged. I was not worthy of anyone's love, especially someone like Bella. I must have fallen asleep, because I woke myself up crying and curled up in the fetal position. My pillow was completely soaked from my tears. I felt sick, disgusting. I decided to take a shower to try to wash off the memories.

Bella would run screaming if she knew my past. I knew I would never have a real relationship with anyone. Not after all of the things I had done. I let the hot water wash over me and wash away the tears and the pain. My body still showed signs of the abuse I had endured at the hands of that sick bastard. Those would always be part of me, reminding me of my shame and sickening me to my soul. When I dressed, I was careful to make sure they remained hidden. They were a constant reminder that I would always be an outcast. They were my scars, my shame. I didn't want anyone else to see them.

I went downstairs to grab a bite to eat before leaving. I was glad that Carlisle and Esme were not home. I knew they would take one look at me and want to talk. I wasn't in the mood to talk. I was tired of people trying to get in my head and fix something that couldn't be fixed. Alice and Emmett were eating pizza and arguing over the remote. It made me laugh because Alice, my petite pixie like sister, was winning. Emmett finally gave up and let her have her way. That's usually for the best anyway, at least where Alice is concerned.

"Hey little brother! You going to the party tonight?"

"I thought I'd go for a while- see if there is anything good happening"

"You mean you thought you'd go and see if you can get plastered and maybe get a piece of ass!" Emmett said laughing.

"So? Do you have a problem with that?" I glared back at him.

"Nope, no problem with it! I wish girls fell all over me the way they do you. I just wondered if you wanted to ride with me and Rose?"

"I think I'll pass. The last time I rode with you and Rose to a party you two couldn't keep your hands off of each other and left me there so you could, well you know"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. But damn, that girl is hot! I can't help myself when she is around!"

"EDWARD!" Alice yelled at the top of her lungs even though I was standing less than 5 feet away from her.

"What?" I said raising an eyebrow at her.

"You are driving me to the party. I will drive you home. You won't be able to walk straight let alone drive. And there is no way I am letting you drive yourself home".

"Ok Alice. Sounds like a plan". I had to smile at her. She was always so hyper and bouncy all the time. She was a chaotic force of nature that had been unleashed in human form. She was always so hyper that you would have thought she was doing drugs all the time. But she was adamant about no drugs, and no drinking. She didn't even touch caffeine. I know she didn't like it when I indulged, but she was still pretty cool about it. She knew some of what I had been through. Luckily her visions didn't come until much later- so she didn't have to watch all the abuse before it happened.

"I will be ready to go in 10 minutes. Oh, your gonna get a text message soon" She laughed and then practically flew up the stairs to get ready.

I decided to go into Carlisle's study and grab raid the liquor cabinet while I waited. It wouldn't hurt to be prepared for the party; just in case all they had there was beer. My phone started to vibrate with an incoming message and made me jump nearly dropping the bottle on the floor.

I flipped it open and saw that it was Bella texting me, I couldn't deny that my heart sped up a bit at the thought of her.

"_Hey Edward_

_u going to the party 2nite?_

_-Bella"_

I immediately flashed back to Mike Newton asking her the same question earlier today. The thought made me angry so my reply was short.

"_Why?"_

Did she think I wanted to watch as Mike continued to try to get in her pants? I took a gulp of the Vodka while I waited for her response. Damn, I must have pissed her off, cause she isn't responding. Another drink or two will calm my nerves.

_Hoping to fall in your lap again- guess I can settle for Mike ___

_xo-B- xo_

I chuckled as I read her reply. So, I guess we are going to flirt now. Fine by me, but she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Just thinking about her in my lap made my cock hard. Would I be able to control my desire around her? Why did I care so much about what she thought? If it got too bad I knew I could find any number of willing girls at the party to ease my tension. I took another drink and sent my response:

_If u land in my lap 2nite I'm not gonna let u go!_

_-E-_

_Don't make promises u can't keep- catch me if u can!_

_xo-B-xo_

Her response was quick. Don't worry my beautiful Bella, I will catch you. Before my thoughts could go any further Alice came downstairs signaling that she was ready to go.

"The party awaits boys!" Alice said as we met Jasper in front of Lauren's house.

I did a quick scan of the cars and noticed that Bella's truck wasn't there. She was probably getting a ride from someone. I was surprised at how anxious I was to catch a glimpse of her.

The music was blaring as we walked in, and I immediately went to find something to drink. Emmett and Rose were already locked in each others arms dancing, although it looked more like they were having sex right there in front of everyone. They wouldn't last long, before disappearing to a bedroom.

I grabbed a shot of something from the bar and slammed it down before grabbing another. I had some catching up to do. It seemed that everyone here was already well toasted. I wanted the welcoming numbness. I decided to wander around and try to convince myself I wasn't looking for Bella.

**BPOV- **

When Jess and I got to Lauren's the party was already in full swing. Jess left to go find Mike and I went to find the booze. I took a couple of shots of peach schnapps then grabbed a beer. There was a pause in the music and Lauren announced that they were getting ready to play a drinking game so I decided to tag along. Anything to get the buzz going quicker. They put on AC/DC's 'Have a Drink on Me', every time they said drink, you had to take a drink. Since I had played this game before in Phoenix I decided to grab an extra beer to be safe. This game I took seriously- and I knew one beer would not last the whole song. A buzz was guaranteed by the end of the song.

"Whoa, Bella. You might want to pace yourself" Mike said when he saw how fast my drink was disappearing. Jessica was shooting daggers at me because of the attention Mike was paying me.

"Don't worry about me Mike; I can handle myself just fine." I grabbed Jess and pushed her closer to Mike "Here, keep Jess company while I go find something else to drink".

I knew I was looking for Cullen more than something else to drink. I hadn't seen him yet, but it was a big house so he could be anywhere. I was waiting for my beer when a good song came on and I started swaying to the music. I was completely lost in the music and off in my own fantasy world when I felt someone grab my hips and pull me against them.

"You look better grinding against me, why don't we find someplace more private?"

Crap! It was Newton. He was supposed to be getting together with Jess and leaving me the hell alone! This guy just wouldn't take a hint.

"Get off of me Mike" I said while trying to pull out of his grasp.

"Don't be like that baby. You know you want me." He whispered in my ear, while his hands started trying to roam more freely over my body.

I elbowed him hard in the stomach and yelled "GET THE FUCK OFF ME MIKE".

I managed to break free and step away but he caught one of my arms and tried to pull me along with him. Shit. Shit. Shit. Think Bella. Think. That was when I heard Emmett.

"NEWTON" Emmett's voice sounded like a ferocious grizzly going in for the kill. Mike stopped dead in his tracks.

Emmett stepped in front of Mike and looked like he wanted nothing more than to rip his heart out right there.

"I don't think Bella wants to go with you dude. So you need to let go of her before I rip your arm off and give it to her to bitch slap you with" He flashed an eerie smile that sent shivers down my spine. I definitely didn't want to get on his bad side!

Mike let go of me without a word and stormed off. He kept looking over his shoulder at me, and I knew this wasn't the end of it. I'd definitely have to stay on guard.

"You ok Bells?" He looked genuinely concerned which shocked me since I didn't really know him that well.

"Yeah, Emmett, I'm good. Thanks for that." I said, embarrassed that he had come to my rescue. I wondered what Rosalie would think. Hopefully she wasn't going to get pissed at me over this.

"No problem Bells, I couldn't let anything happen to you- who would make me laugh then?" He chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "Actually you should thank Rose; she is the one who saw what was going on and sent me over."

As if on cue Rosalie appeared at his side with a look of concern on her face.

"You ok? He didn't hurt you did he?"

"I'm fine, he didn't hurt me. Thanks for sending Emmett over".

She just shrugged as if to say she's use to it.

"Maybe we should just hang out with you for a while to make sure" Emmett said not looking entirely convinced that I would be ok. "Fucking Newton needs to learn his lesson already. I didn't think he would try anything like this again after Edward let him have it."

"So, I take it this is his normal behavior?"

"You could say that. He usually waits until you are so drunk that you don't even know what's going on" Rosalie said with a look of intense hatred.

From the look she had on her face I guessed that she had first hand knowledge of Newton's behavior. I knew this would not be the time or the place to go into that story so I let it go. "I think I need another drink"

"Me too. Emmett, why don't you grab us some drinks? I'll stay here with Bella".

Emmett just smiled that huge smile of his and walked over to get us drinks.

"Don't let Mike get to you Bella. Emmett will keep an eye out for him now. You can relax and enjoy your first party here in Forks". She seemed so sincere, completely opposite from what everyone had said about her. According to the lunchroom gossip, she was a mean and spiteful bitch. Someone you did not want to cross.

"So, Rosalie, you don't mind Emmett coming to my rescue? I was worried that you might be the jealous type like every other girl here seems to be" I said with a shy smile. I knew I was blushing.

"Oh, God no Bella. Emmett likes you, but he thinks of you as a little sister. He can be very protective of those he thinks worthy. You made quite an impression on him when you ran smack dab into him the other day" She giggled. "He told me he'd be keeping an eye out for you. He thinks you are probably in more danger from yourself . Besides, I know his heart will always be mine. As much as he acts like an ape, he really is just a big teddy bear. And please, Bella, call me Rose."

"Newton's a fucking prick! I swear if he comes near you again Bells I'm gonna fuck him up!" Emmett said when he returned with our drinks.

"Thanks Em, but I think he got the message. You and Rose should go back to enjoying the party."

"Are you kidding me? I'm have a great time! Besides, I have the two most beautiful women here talking to me! What's not to enjoy? Bells, you make life more fun!" Emmett started laughing again.

"Gee, Thanks" The sarcasm dripping heavily from my comment.

"Besides, now I can give Edward shit for not being here to save you!"

"Oh, so Edward isn't coming?" I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"Oh I am positive he's _cummin', _it's just a matter of who he's_ cummin' _with or should I say in" his comment was heavy with innuendo.

Rose smacked the back of his head and mumbled "Idiot" under her breath at him.

"I heard he was quite the player. So is he as bad as Mike?"

"God No! I mean, yeah, he likes the girls, but he would never do anything like Mike. He can't help it really. I mean, he is a guy and the girls all practically rip their own clothes off whenever he walks by." She leaned in closer and whispered to me "I know it doesn't make him happy. He always seems sadder after, well you know…" She let it trail off.

I just nodded not really knowing what to say. I was thinking that I know exactly how it feels just getting close to someone so you feel wanted. I doubted that it was the same for him, but at least he wasn't like Mike.

That was when I finally saw him standing across the room. He looked almost scared. Lauren and Tanya had him trapped in a corner. He was visibly cringing from their attempts to touch him, but they were not going to be deterred. I couldn't help but giggle.

Rose looked up and followed my gaze.

"Looks like the porn queens are trying to get their claws in him again" she chuckled. "Poor guy".

I decided to tease him about it and pulled out my cell phone and typed a quick message.

"_Looks like the wolves r goin in 4 the kill"_ I hit send and closed my phone watching.

I giggled when he jumped and nearly spilled his beer on Lauren. Apparently he wasn't expecting his pocket to start vibrating. He started looking around the room and when he finally saw me his lips twitched into that crooked smile that just makes my knees weak.

He typed a quick message and looked back at me. Lauren and Tanya didn't seem to notice that he wasn't even paying attention to them now.

My phone vibrated and I flipped it open. Then I started giggling even more at his one word response. _"HELP"_

I looked back at him and just slowly shook my head no. His expression changed to one of desperation and he quickly typed another message.

"_Please?"_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Sorry about the late updates. This chapter was just not flowing smoothly. I am not really that happy with it- but was ready to move on- so with that said here it is:**_

**_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight- I just take them to parties and such..._**

_Chapter 4_

_I looked back at him and just slowly shook my head no. His expression changed to one of desperation and he quickly typed another message._

"_Please?"_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I looked back up at him I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He looked scared and completely helpless. Damn it! When did I become "_Princess Charming_"? Fine! Let's just do this. Ok, so arguing with myself wasn't doing anything but proving that I probably am completely insane! I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to manage this, but surely I would think of something before I got to him. I knew that after this I was definitely going to be targeted by Lauren and Tanya. They didn't seem the type to just let things slide. I had a strong feeling that interfering with their attempted conquest was only going to piss them off royally!

I was almost to him when I saw Tanya lean up and whisper in his ear. She managed to position herself so one of her legs was in between his. When she leaned up, her leg managed to brush against him in a very provocative way. He reacted to her touch and possibly her whispers. I could hear him moan from where I stood frozen with my mouth gaping open. Now I wasn't so sure he _wanted_ to be rescued because he was suddenly in a very deep passionate kiss with Tanya. The roles were quickly reversed as he pushed off the wall and backed her into the opposite side. Lauren apparently wasn't going to be left out of the fun because she moved in behind Edward. Her lips went to his neck and her hands started groping his chest. Oh. My. God. Did they realize they were in public? Ok- so maybe I really should interrupt if for no other reason than to make them find someplace a bit more private. I know I don't really know him, but I couldn't imagine him actually being ok with this much exposure.

Alright Bella deep breath. Close your mouth. Act Casual. I moved closer to the trio and cleared my throat to no avail.

"uhmm, excuse me, Edward?"

"hmmm" he responded. I guess you could call it a response as it was somewhere between that and another moan. He didn't stop what he was doing and only semi- acknowledged me.

"Edward" I said with a little more force. "Emmett needs to talk to you, he said it was important". Ok, so it was a lie. But the porno queens didn't know that, and it might lessen their wrath some.

Still no response. Maybe I should just go get the water hose and try a little cold water to get his attention. Picturing that in my head made me almost laugh out loud.

"Ok Edward, I can see that you are busy. At least I tried. So, carry on. But you guys might want to take it someplace more private before you are completely naked."

Lauren giggled because she was trying to unbutton Edward's shirt.

"Shit!" Edward finally seemed to snap out of it. "Bella, wait" he said as he was trying unsuccessfully to break away and pull his shirt out of Lauren's hands. His eyes were very dark and pained looking.

"I don't think so Edward. You seem to have things pretty well under control. Sorry for the interruption girls". Tanya was struggling to get Edward to turn back to her as I turned and headed back to the bar area. I definitely needed something more to drink! I was in serious risk of losing my buzz.

I made my way through the crowd anxious to get a drink. At this point, I wanted to get totally and completely shit-faced, and forget about Edward and the porn queens! I don't even know why I cared. Maybe it just pissed me off because he was proving me right about guys. They were all a like, all wanted the same thing, sex. Besides, I was supposed to be here having fun, not trying to rescue someone who obviously was just toying with me in the first place.

I couldn't remember how much I had to drink so far, and really didn't care. I kept telling myself I was having fun. I remember dancing, but couldn't remember who with. I was starting to feel a bit woozy and decided I needed to get some air. It getting too hot and crowded inside. I caught myself looking for Edward on my way out the back door, but remembered that he was probably still occupied with Tanya and Lauren. I wouldn't be surprised if Tanya wasn't still attached to him come Monday morning. The thought made me want to puke.

The cool night air felt really good. I walked away from the house to a wooden play set and climbed up. I laid back and just stared up at the stars. It was an extremely rare night that the constant cloud cover had vanished. The stars were amazing. I remembered the joint I had with me and figured now would be a perfect time to light it up. I could let my brain go numb and just look at the stars.

EPOV:

I can't believe what a total fuck up I am! I thought I had everything under control. The look of disgust on Bella's face, when she tried to save me from myself, brought back all of the pain from my past. That was the same look my mother had when she left.

"Shit!" how did I let this happen? "Bella, Wait" I tried to get free of Tanya and Lauren but they seemed determined to not let me go.

"I don't think so Edward. You seem to have things pretty well under control. Sorry for the interruption girls" Bella said while refusing to look at me. She left me. It took all my control to keep from throwing Tanya and Lauren off of me so I could chase after her. I didn't want her to think of me like this. Bella deserved someone good. She didn't need a broken, damaged man-whore in her life. But I couldn't let her leave thinking that I was so pathetic. Ok, it's true, I am pathetic. But I wanted her to really know me. I didn't want her to think of me the same way all the others did. Just another guy who only wanted to use people.

"C'mon Eddie, lets go find a room and finish having our fun." Tanya said as she tried to pull me upstairs. "Let us show you how much fun we can be".

My mind was so muddled. The monster in me pushed for dominance and urged me to follow her and Lauren. The monster wanted his needs met. He didn't care about anything else. I struggled to regain control of myself, this was not what I wanted. What I wanted was to find Bella and hope that she would understand. I didn't want her to see me as this monster.

"Sorry Tanya. It's not going to happen." I finally pulled away from them and managed to get my shirt buttoned the rest of the way. I heard Tanya stamp her foot and huff behind me, but I didn't care. I stumbled through the crowd. I was having problems with my balance, I must be drunk. I don't remember ever having to struggle to keep myself upright before.

I needed to get away from all the people. I could feel panic growing in my chest as they kept bumping into me. It felt like they were all trying to hold me back. I didn't see Bella anywhere. I stood by the bar for a few minutes trying to calm myself and regain control. I grabbed another beer and slammed it. I was trying to keep the memories at bay, trying to find that numbness that I desired. Numbness that would help me not feel anything. The numbness would stop the memories from taking over.

I kept seeing my mother, the look of disgust on her face and the tears running down her cheeks. I grabbed a couple of beers and shoved my way out the door. Maybe I could just drink myself into oblivion. I stumbled through the back yard enjoying the cool air. Wishing that the breeze could somehow purify my soul.

"…shouldn't even be alive… just a pathetic excuse for a human anyway… I'm nothing, a monster… evil incarnate… fucking piece of shit" I mumbled to myself as I finally leaned up against the play set trying to steady myself.

"You're not so bad" a small voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw Bella lying on the top of the platform smoking a joint. I wouldn't have guessed her the type to smoke.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I thought that was obvious" she said holding up the joint "I am having a private party. Care to join me? Or do you prefer to wallow alone?"

"Are you sure you really want me to? I figured you'd be pretty disgusted by me now"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to. Besides there is nothing to be disgusted by, you are a teenage boy with hormones. I get it. You don't have to explain anything to me. But if you join me, you have to leave all the crap out there. This.." she said motioning to the platform she was on "is the safe zone. Nothing bad can come through the barrier" and then she giggled. The sound of her laughter made my spirits lift a little.

I sat down next to her, and gave her my extra beer, as she handed me the joint. We just sat there in silence for a while enjoying the night. It was comfortable with Bella. But then the giggles started. I crooked an eyebrow at her and asked "What's so funny?"

"I was trying to imagine how pissed the porno queens would be if they knew you were out here getting high with me instead of, well you know… It would totally destroy their ego's."

"They could stand to be dropped down a notch or two. I don't even know how I let that happen" I said putting my head down in my hands. "I'm just really fucked up Bella. You would hate me if you really knew just how messed up I am". God- did I just say that out loud? That's a big problem with getting high and drinking, the whole brain filter stops working and shit just starts flying out of my mouth.

"You couldn't be any more screwed up than me. I don't think they get any more broken. But we aren't going to talk about that. We are suppose to be having fun, in our safe place. So S M I L E…" she said leaning over and putting her fingers on each side of my lips and pushing them up into a smile. The smile on her face was so big and cheesy I couldn't help but start laughing.

I looked up in time to see Alice and Jasper bolting out of the door and running towards us. Her thoughts were screaming at me, telling me we have to go. But my head was so fuzzy that I couldn't really comprehend anything she was thinking. I had gotten really good at blocking out everyone else's thoughts tonight and wondered how much that had to do with the alcohol and how much was me. Then I realized that I hadn't heard anything from Bella. I didn't have time to think about that since Alice was now jumping up and down in front of us trying to wave us off the playset.

"Guys, we have to go. NOW!"

"Why, what's going on?" Bella asked.

"Your Dad is on his way to break up the party. I didn't think you really wanted him to find you drunk and high, so we need to go."

Major Buzz Kill! I jumped down off the play set and turned to offer my help to Bella, but it was too late. She sprung off the platform not realizing I was still there and landed on me knocking us both to the ground.

"I knew you couldn't stay out of my lap for long" I said laughing at her. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, fine. I guess I just can't resist your charm for long" batting her eyelashes in an overly dramatic way that cracked me up even more.

"Guys, you can laugh later. We need to go now."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and saved Damaged Hearts as a favorite. I really appreciate all the reviews and feedback. **

**This chapter starts delving a little more into Edward's dark past. Content is for Mature due to some possible graphic descriptions. I felt it was necessary to better understand why he is the way he is. This is only a portion of what he went through, and there will probably be more flashbacks as the story unfolds. (Same for Bella).**

**Hope you like it… your reviews mean the world to me. I encourage all reviews- not just good- critique can only help me grow!**

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight…

BPOV:

We started running to where the cars were parked, which proved to be an impossible task. Between Edward and I laughing, and my usual klutzy self, I couldn't seem to get two steps before stumbling. This, of course, caused more laughter from us, and frustration from Alice.

Edward finally gave up and just hoisted me up over his shoulder and carried me the rest of the way to the cars. I started looking around for Jess but couldn't see her anywhere. I was also a little confused because nobody seemed to be rushing away from the party.

"Alice, are you sure my dad is on his way here? 'Cause nobody seems to be leaving."

"I am positive. We don't have much time, so get in the car" She said looking a bit more perturbed at me, if that was even possible.

"I rode with Jess. She will be looking for me. I need to let her know…" I started walking back to the house but was quickly stopped by an angry looking pixie. Alice stood in front of me, hands on hips, staring at me in a way that made me cringe.

"Bella, just get in the car, and I will explain. I really don't have time to argue with you about this".

"Bella, it's usually best just to do what Alice says. She is right though, we need to go before your Dad shows up and busts us" Edward said as he took my hand and guided me back to the car.

I still wasn't entirely convinced, but decided to go along anyway. If what she said was true, I couldn't be found here. If it wasn't true, then I would deal with that when I was less intoxicated. I was still trying to fight through my buzz, and knew it would still be a while before I would be completely sober.

"Fine. Let's go". Edward got in the backseat with me, Alice drove and Jasper sat next to her. I had almost forgotten that he was here. He seemed completely calm and without a care in the world.

After we had been driving for a few minutes I decided it was time to find out what, exactly, was going on.

"Ok, so would someone like to explain what is going on? Were you listening to a police scanner or something? How do you know the party is going to be busted?"

Alice looked back at Edward briefly and I thought I saw him slightly nod his head. She took a deep breath and started trying to explain.

"I know you aren't going to like this, 'cause she is one of your friends, but you don't really know her that well, and you need to realize that I would never lie to you. Jessica isn't as nice as she lets on. She is actually a very petty and vindictive person."

"What does any of this have to do with Jessica?" None of this was making sense to me.

Edward was trying to hold my hand but I pulled away from him, probably too forcefully. I couldn't be distracted right now, and really wasn't in the mood for anything to get started between us. He looked a little bit hurt, and mouthed "_Sorry"_ to me before looking away.

"Jessica is the one that called the cops and told them about the party. She was upset over you and Mike and wanted to get you in trouble. She figured that having your Police Chief father show up and arrest you would be a good way to get you back for Mike."

"You were with Mike?" Edward growled as he grabbed my shoulders "What the fuck were you thinking? You need to stay away from him!" I cringed as his fingers dug into my flesh.

The look on his face and the tone in his voice immediately reminded me of James and how possessive he was. It both pissed me off and freaked me out a bit. No way was I going to put up with that.

"Take your hands off of me now. Don't EVER touch me again" I told Edward in a voice that I hoped sounded as menacing as I felt.

"Alice, take me home. Now!" I spat at her. She just nodded and I noticed that we were already pulling up to my house.

"Bella, I will call you later and explain everything if that's ok?" Alice asked. I just nodded to her.

Edward jumped out of the car after me "Bella wait, please?" He pleaded. His voice sounded like it was cracking from emotion, but it was probably just a trick. James was good at making me think he was sorry.

"Look Edward, I am not some conquest to be had. I am not a possession. So just stay away from me. I am sure the Tanya and Lauren can take care of all of your needs. The next time you feel like grabbing someone- grab them and leave me the hell alone. Because this.." I said as I pulled the collar of my shirt over to expose my shoulder "this is not ok".

I saw the pained and confused look on his face and almost felt sorry for him. It looked like he was actually starting to cry when he dropped his head into his hands. I wasn't going to give him a chance to explain anything. I didn't want to hear it. I held on to my anger as I went inside and closed the door on him.

I headed upstairs and decided to take a shower as the tears started falling down my cheeks. Maybe the hot water would wash away the anger and pain that was taking over. I looked at my shoulders in the mirror knowing already that I was going to have finger shaped bruises. I know Edward didn't mean to hurt me. I bruised easily. I knew there was no way for him to know that James use to hold me down like that night after night. He wouldn't know that James had broken my collar bone by grabbing my like that. He wouldn't know that it triggered the flashbacks.

I also knew that Edward and Mike had a history. That history was what caused him to react so badly. But it didn't excuse it. It really pissed me off and hurt my feelings, if I was being honest, that he jumped to conclusions about what happened with Mike.

I know I wasn't thinking rationally, and that the things James did to me left me tainted. He screwed with my head so bad that I knew I would always be fucked up. The tears finally turned to dry sobs as I traced the scar that marked me as his for the rest of my life.

I hated that he left no part of my unscathed.

I don't remember getting the straight razor. I just remember wanting James' hold on me gone. The cold water from the shower brought me to. I must have passed out from the blood. The cut wasn't deep and it was already starting to clot over. I felt a wave of nausea that I fought back so I could tend to my new wound. It didn't erase James' name but it did kind of mark it out. I bandaged it as best I could and hoped that it would at least be healed by Monday before gym.

I curled up in my bed and tried to sleep. Maybe things would look better in the morning. At least I didn't really have to worry about running into Edward again until Monday.

………………………………………………………………………………………

EPOV:

How could I have done that? I hurt her. I left marks on her perfect skin. I had become the monster that I fought so hard against. Alice and Jasper tried to console me but that only made things worse. Sobs were ripping through my entire body when I heard Alice explain in her thoughts and voice what really happened at the party with Newton. Rosalie and Emmett had filled her in before they left. Luckily Emmett had been there to protect Bella.

When we got home I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't get the picture of her perfect shoulders, marred by my fingers, out of my head. I would never be able to make this up to her. The best thing I could do would be to stay away.

I had jumped to conclusions about Bella that were making me sick to my stomach. I hurt her. I hated myself for ever getting close to her in the first place. She was so perfect, and good. I could tell that she had a rough past, but that was behind her now. All I wanted to do was erase her pain, but instead I created more.

"Edward, you need to calm down. It's not that bad. You overreacted. She will forgive you. Just give it some time."

"How can I calm down Alice? You didn't see the marks that I left on her. I am just as bad, if not worse than _he_ was. I wish he would have killed me, then I couldn't hurt anyone else."

"You don't mean that." She said as she wrapped her arms around me. "You are nothing like him. He liked hurting and controlling people. He was a sick bastard and you are nothing like him. You are good, and caring. I just wish you could see that." I could see that she was fighting back tears.

I just shook my head in disagreement. She didn't know what I was capable of. She didn't know how sick and disgusting I was. I had protected her from that, and from him.

"I just want to be alone for a while, ok?"

I knew she was torn between letting me be, and forcing me to talk. Her thoughts were all over the place. I could hear the concern and pain she was feeling, but didn't have it in me to comfort her.

"Alice, I just really need to be alone. I can't do this right now."

"Ok. But you know I am here if you want to talk about it right?" She asked as she gave me another hug. I just nodded and went to my room.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"NO!" I woke up screaming and disoriented as I tried to pull myself out of the dream and back to reality. Fuck! I was covered in sweat and my eyes were all wet and puffy so I knew I must have been crying in my sleep. My whole body was shaking as I tried to rid myself of the memory. _I was being punished for my sins. He quoted the bible as he chained me to the bed. He had taken my clothes and told me that he was going to cleanse my body and soul. He told me that he had to rid me of all evil. He started beating me with a strap. My body burned from the pain. Some of the welts broke open and bled. He left me there for what seemed like an eternity. I remember the pain, and the thirst. I remember worrying about what he was doing to Mom and Alice. When he finally came back in the dark room the blood had already dried on my body. He brought in a warm rag and started cleaning my cuts. Wiping the blood away, he was silent and focused. His touch was not harsh. He murmured incoherently as he worked at cleaning my body. _

_I asked him for a drink and I could see the violence return to his eyes. I begged him to stop. I begged him not to hurt me anymore. His temper erupted again and he told me that I didn't deserve to live. That I was pure evil, an abomination to this world. He beat me until I passed out. _

_I woke screaming as he was forcing himself into me. The pain was excruciating and caused me to pass out again. When I woke again, I was alone and in the dark. I knew he would be back so I tried to be quiet, but I couldn't keep the tears from falling. I must have fallen asleep again because I woke up to him stroking me. I was horrified at my bodies reaction. I knew he would get mad at my body reacting to him like this. _

I shook my head in disgust. Even dreaming my body still reacted to his touch. I needed to rid myself of his filth. So I went to the bathroom to take a cold shower. It helped with the physical reactions, but didn't help with the emotional ones. I traced over the scars that were still evident on my torso and chest.

I needed to get away for a while. I needed to be by myself and try to figure this shit out. I knew I couldn't let myself be around anyone. What if I hurt someone else? What if I hurt Bella again? The fear of becoming just like him was tearing me apart. When I saw the marks I left on Bella's shoulder it made me realize that I was much closer to turning into him than I had ever thought possible.

Without really thinking about it, I grabbed my phone and started typing a message.

_B-_

_I am so sorry for hurting you. There is no excuse. I'm leaving so I can't hurt you or anyone else ever again. I hate what I have become. Be safe._

_E-_

Next I grabbed a notebook and scribbled a quick note to Alice. She would be hurt if I didn't at least let her know what I was going to do. I wouldn't give her a chance to try to stop me, just slip it under her door and leave while everyone was still asleep.

There was a cottage deep in the forest that I would go to when I needed to think. Alice knew about it, so she knew I would be ok. She would understand that I just needed to be alone. I grabbed a backpack and started filling it with things that I thought I would need over the next few days. I knew I would have to come back at some point to keep Esme and Carlisle from sending out a search party, but maybe in a couple of days I would be able to sort this shit out.

*********

BPOV:

I woke up screaming again. It was the same dream, always the same dream. James was coming after me. His face distorted in a malicious grin. I could see the knife glinting in his hand. I could feel his arm around my neck as he pulled me hard against him. I felt his hot breath on my neck, the cold steel blade against my cheek, holding me so tight that I couldn't breathe. His voice echoed in my head "You are mine Baby Bell- you belong to me and don't ever forget it". The memory of his words still petrified me.

My leg throbbed where he cut me, then I remembered that I had tried to remove the mark last night. I sat up and looked at the gauze bandage. Blood had soaked through in the night so I decided I better clean it out and re-wrap it.

I could hear Charlie snoring down the hall and was thankful that my screaming didn't wake him up. It didn't take me long to change the bandage and head back to my bedroom. I looked at my alarm clock, 4:27 a.m., too early to get up but I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep either. I grabbed a book, deciding to try to lose myself in fantasy for a while. I had just settled back into bed when I heard my cell phone vibrate on the bedside table.

Who would be calling this early in the morning? I saw that there was a new text message from Edward.

_B-_

_I am so sorry for hurting you. There is no excuse. I'm leaving so I can't hurt you or anyone else ever again. I hate what I have become. Be safe._

_E-_

What the hell was that suppose to mean? I started typing without fully thinking about what I was saying.

_E-_

_I'm fine-u didn't hurt me- I bruise easy. No worries here. Sorry for being a bitch last night- it wasn't fair to u. I have a lot of issues and am pretty fucked up- not your fault. I had fun talking to you before all the drama. Please don't go because of me…_

_B_

After sending the message I just sat there in bed waiting for a response. I didn't hear back from him, and must have dozed off while waiting. When I looked at the clock again it was 7:30 so I decided to just get up and get breakfast started for Charlie.

Charlie seemed to be in a good mood when he came down for breakfast. He seemed much more relaxed than he had since I got here.

"So how was your night Bella?"

"It was ok. Nothing too exciting came home early and went to bed".

"What were you out doing? You never really told me who you were going out with or anything" he said between bites of the French toast I made.

"Umm, well just kind of hung out y'know? Jessica came by and picked me up, but she wanted to go to a party 'cause a guy she liked was going to be there. I ended up hanging out with Alice and a few other kids from school before coming home".

He was fishing for information about the party. Even with all of his police training my dad was not as sneaky as he liked to think he was. He was checking to see if I knew about the party, and testing me to see if I was there.

"We got a call last night about a wild party just outside of town. Seemed like most of the high school kids must have been there."

"mmhmm" I stuffed a huge bite in my mouth and just mumbled a response around the food waiting for him to get to his point.

"Got an anonymous tip about it actually. They said that my daughter was there doing drugs, drinking and other stuff. So I guess I just want to know if I need to worry?"

"So what are you saying, that you don't believe me? You think I was at the party and just slipped out from under your nose? Weren't you just telling me that you know _everything_ that happens here?" I played offended. I knew this would throw him off balance a little, and if he persisted in his questions I needed time to work through the whole story. "If you don't believe me call Alice."

He sat there staring at me for a while before pushing his plate away and leaning back in his chair. He looked like he was getting ready to say something else when the phone rang. I was sitting closest to it so I answered.

"Hello"

"Hi Bella, its Alice"

"Oh, hey Alice. Would you mind talking to my father about what we did last night? He seems to think I was at some party?"

"Sure, no problem. Don't worry- I got it covered!" She said with a small giggle that let me know we were not getting busted for this.

I just looked at Charlie and held the phone out to him. He glared at me but stood up and took the phone from me.

"Hello"

"Hi Chief Swan, this is Alice Cullen. Bella said you had some questions?"

"Well, yeah, I was just wondering what you guys did last night? Looked like a pretty big party was going on…"

"Yeah, Lauren Mallory had a party at her house. But she isn't really someone I would hang around with, and I don't drink or do any of that stuff. I am so hyper anyway it would probably kill me! Anyhow, we met up with Bella and just hung out for a while talking. I dropped her off around 11:00 I think. We were going to get together again today and spend the whole day doing girly stuff, so we decided to make an early night of it. That was why I was calling actually, to see if she had a chance to ask you about coming over and spending the night with me tonight, and find out what time she wanted me to come get her, or if she wanted to drive out here, or if she wanted to follow me since it's kind of hard to find our driveway?" I could hear Alice rattling on 90 to nothing and knew that Charlie was not use to the pixie like chatter. His eyes started to glaze over. I bit my cheek to keep from laughing at the exchange.

"Alice, I don't have a problem with Bella spending the night at your place. I'll let you talk to her and work out all the details." He said and quickly handed the phone back to me.

"Thanks Dad"

"I'm heading over to Billy's. See you tomorrow."

"Ok Dad. Bye"

I could hear Alice giggling in the phone at her ability to completely disarm the Chief of Police. This pixie was good.

"So what's up Alice?"

"Well, I think I may need your help. Can you come over? Or would you like me to come get you?"

"Yeah, I can come over, just give me directions, and a couple of minutes to get ready. Is something wrong?"

"I'm not really sure, but would rather not get into it over the phone. Oh and pack a bag, your dad said you could stay the night."

"Sure. That's fine- I'll be there soon".

I wrote down the directions and ran upstairs (or rather hobbled since my thigh was still causing me some pain). I threw some clothes in a bag, grabbed my toothbrush and shampoo from the bathroom. I found a pair of baggy jeans that wouldn't rub against my thigh too much, and put on a t-shirt and black hoodie. My hair was a mess, so I just brushed it out and threw it up in a pony tail.

I was anxious to get over to Alice's house and find out more about what was going on. I was also curious to see if Edward got my text message. It had been bothering me all morning that he hadn't responded yet. Although, I think I remember telling him to stay away from me, so maybe he was just trying to do that. I wouldn't get any answers until I got there, so I tried to not waste time.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! Getting all the reivews have just made me work harder on getting the story to you. I also wanted to thank everyone who subscribed to alerts. You have all been wonderful. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please read and review- I love reading what you think, and what you want to see happen.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight… I just take the characters to parties, and get them into trouble...**

Chapter 6

BPOV

Alice was waiting for me at the door when I pulled up to the house. She ran over to me grabbed my arm and started dragging me inside.

"Let's just hurry up and get to my room. I'll explain everything when we are alone".

"Alice, Stop!" I wasn't going to be able to run with her. I could feel the cut on my leg throbbing with every step. "I can't go so fast, I hurt my leg".

She turned and looked at me, then slowed her pace. I could tell she was impatient but could tell that I was in pain so she didn't push. When we got to her room, she ushered me in then closed and locked the door.

"Bella, did you hear anything from Edward after we dropped you off last night?" She had a deep crease above her brow and seemed really worried.

"Yeah, he sent me a text this morning around 4:30. Why what is going on?"

"What exactly did he say?"

I got my cell phone and pulled up the message so she could read it for herself.

"Bella, there are some things that you don't know about us. I can't tell you everything, because I am sure I don't even know the half of it. But first maybe you should read the letter Edward left me this morning" Alice said as she pulled a worn letter from under her pillow and handed it to me.

_Ali,_

_You know I love you- even if you are a crazy pixie, right? I am so messed up right now. I don't know what to do. I know you will be mad at me for not talking to you, but I really need to work this out by myself. I need some time to think, and figure all this shit out. _

_A normal person would not have reacted the way I did last night. A normal person would not have hurt Bella. I can feel myself turning into a monster and I can't seem to stop it. _

_Seeing the marks of my fingers on her perfect creamy skin just made me see how truly evil I am becoming! _

_It scares the hell out of me, Alice. I could have really hurt her! I could have broken her bones, or killed her by accident, and I would never be able to live with that. You don't know how evil our father was. You don't know the evil that is in me. _

_The way she looked at me last night was the same look that Mom gave me when she left. I could see clearly how much of a monster I was with that look. You would still have Mom in your life if I had died. She loved you Alice, and I drove her away from us. I know you don't blame me- but you should._

_I don't expect you to understand any of this Alice. If I leave, then you are safe. Everyone will be safe from me. I shouldn't have let myself start hoping and I won't make that mistake again. I woke up from a nightmare tonight, only it wasn't a nightmare- it was the past. It showed me that I don't have control over my actions. Unless I can find a way to control myself I don't think I can come back. _

_I won't be too far away. You know where I like to go, so don't worry. Please, please, please, give me some time to try to sort it all out ok? And could you do me a favor? Make sure Bella knows how deeply sorry I am for hurting her. She deserves someone who can give her tender caresses, who will keep her safe, who will make her smile. I think she has been hurt deeply. There is a sadness in her eyes that I can't explain it, I just wish there was a way I could help. _

_Let Carlisle and Esme know that I appreciate all they have done for me. I don't know how long I will be gone- but I will try to call them so they don't worry. _

_I love you Ali._

_Goodbye-_

_Edward_

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I didn't understand what was going on, but my heart felt like it was breaking. Edward sounded so lost and tortured. I wanted to hold him and tell him it would all be ok. I barely knew him, but something about him seemed to pull me in. He should not be hurting like this. He should not be blaming himself for my issues. If I had known how he would react to my words from last night, I never would have said them.

"Alice, he can't…. I can't… I have to help him. He can't blame himself for my fucked up life. I don't understand".

"I know Bella. I will tell you as much as I can. Did you know that Edward and I were adopted?"

I nodded my head. I heard enough gossip to know that the Cullen's adopted Alice and Edward about 5 years ago.

"Our bastard of a father use to abuse us. Edward more than me. Edward always tried to protect me. Our Mom walked in on him abusing Edward and left. She dropped me off at the neighbors' house and said she would be back for me, but she never came back. Edward blames himself, but it wasn't his fault. He was only 6 years old. I wasn't allowed to see him for maybe a week or longer- I am really not sure how long- but it seemed like forever. My father came to the neighbor's house and told them that Edward was really sick and asked if they would mind keeping an eye on me for a while. He would come by every day to check on me, but Mom never came back. When he finally brought me home so I could see Edward, I thought he was dead. His face was swollen and bruised. I don't think there was any part of his body that wasn't bruised or bleeding. I tried to take care of him Bella. I was so scared and my father didn't want me to go near him. He kept saying he was evil. But I would sneak into his room and talk to him, bring him food and water. Even as broken as he was, he was afraid for me. He told me not to come back because he didn't want me to get caught. But I couldn't leave him alone."

Alice was sobbing so hard that she couldn't talk. I put my arms around her and just let her cry. She was scared for her brother, then and now. I knew it had to be hard for her to tell me this.

APOV:

I couldn't stop crying. Bella just hugged me and let me cry myself out. I didn't plan on telling her any of this, but after she read Edward's letter, I thought she needed to know. I don't know how long we sat there until I was finally able to get hold of myself, but I was grateful that Bella was there with me.

"Bella, he kept Edward chained to the bed. He would beat him with a belt every day. Every night I would sneak him food and keep him from being alone. I would talk to him non-stop just to keep his dreams away. That was when we realized that we had a special connection."

I knew I wouldn't be able to tell her everything without revealing our abilities. I hoped that she would be accepting, and felt that she would but had no way of knowing for sure.

"What do you mean?"

"Edward can kind of read minds, and I can kind of see the future". I could tell by the look on her face that she was trying to comprehend this.

"What do you mean kind of?"

"Well, I know with mine, it is more of a feeling than an actual vision. Although, I do sometimes get flashes of things as well. With Edward he hears thoughts of those around him, but it's not always clear, and sometimes its just the moods that come through. He can hear my thoughts as if he was just talking to me and I can usually see things that are going to happen when it directly affects him."

"I know he is in trouble Bella. He tries to be in control of everything and not let his emotions show. I can't see anything definite happening to him, but I have a feeling that he is going to do something really stupid if I don't go. I also keep seeing the two of you together, and think that you are going to be the one who can get through to him. Show him that he isn't a monster."

We sat there in silence for quite a while. I knew she needed time to take it all in.

"I don't know how I can help Alice. I don't even know him that well. He said he wanted to be alone, what makes you think he will even want me around?" She never looked up from her hands.

"I think he was reaching out to you without even realizing it himself. You were the first person he contacted after making his decision. Plus, I think he really needs to see for himself that you are ok, that he didn't hurt you as bad as he thinks he did. Will you help me Bella?"

There were fresh tears sliding down her cheeks as she nodded her head and said in almost a whisper "Yes".

****

BPOV:

It was a lot to take in. I didn't think that I was really the person that Edward needed to be around. He seemed to have some misconceptions about me, and the kind of person I am. After hearing Alice tell me about their past, and what he had gone through, I knew I had to try to help him. He was a good person and he needed to see that.

"So what do we do?"

"Well, I have been thinking about that. I am pretty sure I know where he went so we can go see how he is really doing. He isn't returning any of my calls, so I am guessing that he turned his cell phone off."

"What about your Parents? Should we tell them what is going on? Won't they notice that he's not around?"

"I've been thinking about that. They won't be back in town until Tuesday night. Carlisle had a medical conference in Seattle and called this morning to let us know that they were going to stay a couple of extra days. So I don't think they need to know anything yet. We can worry about that if we can't get him home before then."

"What is his favorite food? Or comfort food?" If he was anything like Charlie, he probably didn't really think about packing much in the way of food. I was a pretty good cook, so thought that while we were trying to figure out what to do I could at least cook something to take to him. "I mean, he probably isn't really thinking about eating, and it might be a good way to at least get us in to talk to him".

Alice started bouncing on the bed and clapping her hands. "That's a great idea Bella! I know he loves Italian food. Pretty much anything Italian will make him happy, but I think his favorite is Lasagna. He also really likes plain vanilla cake. You know like the wedding cakes? Boring if you ask me, but he always complains about it because everyone else likes chocolate."

"Ok then, while we are trying to figure out our plan, maybe I can start cooking? If you don't mind me using your kitchen"

"Make yourself at home! Esme keeps us pretty well stocked so you should have everything you need. Let me know if you can't find something."

I headed downstairs and set about making the food. It made me feel good to do something to try to help someone else. The fact that I really liked cooking helped me relax and concentrate on Edward instead of my own problems. I had no idea what to do or say once we got there, and a big part of me was worried that he would be angry. I didn't know how he would react to the fact that I knew about his past- at least some of it.

I spent a lot of time deliberating on whether or not to tell him about my history. I finally decided that it would only be fair, since I already knew so much about his past. I didn't know if I would go into much detail, but I would at least let him in.

Once I had everything done I realized I may have gone a little bit overboard. Not only did I make Lasagna and cake, but I also made a salad and French bread. While I was rummaging through the Cullen's kitchen I found some other things that I thought would be good to take along in case he didn't decide to come back with us. Things that would be easy for him to fix, and wouldn't spoil. I found a cooler and ice packs and threw in some soda.

When I was finished I found Alice in the living room with a pile of 'necessities'. We were going to have to make several trips just to get it all out the truck. Taking my truck seemed like the logical thing to do since we would be taking some dirt roads and it would make the trip much better than Alice's Porsche.

I was apprehensive as we set out. I didn't know what to expect when we got there. Alice was obviously worried about her brother. She was struggling to stay upbeat, but I could tell that she was afraid of what she would find.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: First I wanted to say that I really appreciate all of the reviews! You guys are the jelly in my jelly filled donut! lol . Seriously though, I do appreciate you taking time to read and review.**

**I hope you guys don't think Edward is being too wimpy- with his breakdown. He really is just dealing with a lot of bad stuff and kind of snaps. (But don't worry- I have plans for him)**

**Also, this chapter was getting extremely long, so I broke it up into 2 parts- now 3. (This was originally part of chapter 6). If you are getting bored with the slow progression through the day let me know. I promise things will start speeding up after this. (And we will get to the good stuff too!). So…with that said… read on…**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters… I just want to party with them for a while…**

EPOV:

I drove my car as far as I could down the old dirt road leading towards the cottage. The road was in pretty good shape most of the way. Eventually the forest reclaimed the road and I was forced to park in a clearing. I would have to hike the rest of the way in. I was surprised that I managed to get this close before having to leave the Volvo behind. It was a great car- just not really meant for off-roading. If I had Emmett's Scout it wouldn't have been any problem getting right up to the cottage. That thing was made for making its own roads.

I gathered up my things and headed through the trees to my destination. The sun was just starting to rise so it made it much easier to find a way through all the underbrush. I could hear the sound of rushing water and knew I must be getting close. The cottage sits on the edge of a meadow with a stream nearby.

Jasper and I came up here during the summer to clean it up and stock the place for future use. We thought it would make a great spot to hang out if we skipped school or just wanted to party. Of course, that was before he and Alice started dating. Now he didn't do anything that would cause her pixie fury to ignite. Can't say that I blamed him for that one.

The cottage was pretty clean, and didn't look like much had changed since the last time I was here. It was pretty bare in the way of furniture but we managed to bring in a few comforts. I was also thankful that it had a generator so there was some electricity and water. After a quick walk through I set about busy work. Mainly to keep my hands and mind occupied.

The clean up took far less time than I would have hoped. I grabbed a bottle of whiskey that Jasper and I had brought up here, and decided to just start drinking. I felt like a total loser for a) drinking alone and b) drinking before it was even 10 a.m. but I wanted to be completely numb.

The longer I sat there, the harder the memories attacked me, the more I drank. I kept going back to Bella's face, and the marks I left on her perfect skin. Anger welled up inside of me but it soon turned to a deep sadness. I cried.

I cried for the way I had treated Bella, for not being strong enough to fight my father, for not being able to stop my mother from leaving us, for all the things I felt too weak and broken to fix. I wanted to purge all the memories from my head so I kept drinking.

****

BPOV:

I was starting to wonder if Alice knew where we were going. The road that we were on did not look like anything like a road, it was more of a path. Just when I was about to ask again if she really knew where we were I saw Edward's car and my heart jumped. Alice looked anxious as she pointed to the opening in the trees. I slowed down even more and kept driving. My heart was racing as I continued to guess at what we were going to find.

The brush cleared out ahead of us and I saw the cottage. Edward was nowhere to be seen, but I assumed he was probably inside.

"Bella, could you wait out here? I should probably warn him that I brought you. I think it will be easier if I explain it to him first."

"Whatever you think is best. I'll just start unpacking some of the supplies we brought for him." She nodded and bounded off to the door.

It was quiet at first, but then I could hear Edwards voice. He sounded pissed, and drunk.

"What the fuck Alice? Did you not get that I wanted to be ALONE? As in BY MYSELF? Why would you bring her here? I don't want to hurt anyone else!"

I couldn't hear Alice's response, but it sounded like Edward was crying. My heart seemed to stop altogether. I wanted to run in and throw my arms around him and tell him it would be alright. I was confused by my reaction, I mean, I barely know him, but it didn't seem to matter right now.

I didn't realize that I had walked to the front door until I was standing there with an armful of blankets and pillows. I could see Edward now, and he looked so vulnerable and lost. I must have dropped everything on the floor because the next thing I knew I was throwing my arms around him and pulling him to me.

He stiffened slightly at first, but then just seemed to crumple in my arms. I pulled him over to the only piece of furniture in the room, a battered old couch. He laid his head on my shoulder and just cried as we held each other. I felt like my own heart was breaking. I just wanted to take away his pain. I ran my hand through his hair and he seemed to relax a bit. So I kept playing with his hair and just whispered to him that everything would be ok.

Eventually, I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the feeling of holding Edward. I felt his arms holding me closer to him, and gave him a reassuring hug so he would know that I wasn't going anywhere. His breathing seemed to even out, and the tears gradually stopped falling down his cheeks.

I must have dozed off. When I opened my eyes, I was laying down on the couch with a blanket covering me. Edward was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest and his head resting in his hands. He was rocking back and forth staring at the fire he must have started in the fireplace.

"Edward?" my voice was thick with sleep and cracked slightly when I spoke. "Are you ok?"

"You shouldn't have come here" he said quietly without looking away from the fire.

"Maybe, but you look like you could use a friend. Where's Alice?" I was suddenly aware of the fact that the little Pixie was no where to be seen.

"She left when we fell asleep. There's a note beside you".

I looked around and found a sheet crumpled on the sofa beside me. I smoothed out the creases and read:

_Edward, Bella,_

_You two looked so content and happy that I didn't want to wake you. I need to head back and meet Jasper. Edward, I am taking your car- Bella still has her truck here so you can ride with her._

_Take care of each other!_

_Alice_

"Well that's pretty presumptuous of her!" I huffed, mostly to myself.

I sat in silently while trying to figure everything out. I started shivering so I pulled the blanket around my shoulders and walked over to the fire. I looked over at Edward and noticed that his face didn't look as tortured as it did when I first got here.

"Are you ok?" I asked again, realizing he hadn't answered my first question. I sat down a few feet away from him.

He shrugged his shoulders and ran his hand through his hair but didn't look at me. We sat by the fire, silent, until my stomach started growling, and I remembered all the food I had cooked for him.

"So… I kind of made you some Lasagna and stuff, 'cause I thought you might want something to eat." I couldn't bring myself to look at him, and felt the blush creeping into my cheeks.

He looked up at me then, "Why?"

I was a little confused by his reaction, but answered as honestly as I could.

"I like to cook it helps calm me, and Alice told me you liked Lasagna. I figured you probably weren't really thinking about packing food when you left." I shrugged. My face was getting hotter, and I knew that it was bright red now.

He continued to look at me a little confused, but then stood up and held his hand out to help me up.

"Alice shouldn't have involved you." He said so soft I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it. "So, lets try this Lasagna."

Alice must have carried in all the rest of the supplies because I saw the cooler and other things sitting next to the door. I walked over to the pile and started handing Edward the things we would need for our meal.

As I stood up, something outside the window caught me eye. I stepped closer to have a look. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Edward hurried over to my side. "Oh Shit! That's just fucking great! Why the fuck not! What else is the universe planning on throwing at me?" He let out a heavy sigh.

"Edward, I… I'm sorry" His mood swings were throwing me off balance.

He shrugged and set down everything I just handed him shaking his head slightly. I couldn't read his expression but if I had to guess I would say it something between frustrated and angry.

"Why don't you get this ready while I go grab some more wood and check the generator. It's going to get really cold tonight."

"Shouldn't we just leave? We don't want to risk getting stuck out here right?" Being from Phoenix I wasn't really sure how bad it would get. I was starting to feel panicky at the thought of being trapped.

Ever since my ordeal with James and his friends I had a hard time dealing with being confined or restrained in any way, shape or form. I knew that this was different, but my brain seemed to react to it the same way. Knowing that I couldn't just leave when I wanted was causing an anxiety attack. I had the same problem with elevators and any kind of confinement. I knew it didn't make sense to panic, but I couldn't stop it from happening either.

Edward sighed heavily and pointed out the window, obviously frustrated by my lack of comprehension.

"Bella, we are _already_ stuck here! In fact, by the looks of it, my guess is that we are going to be stuck here for the next couple of days at least. Just hope that it lets up soon or it could be much longer". His voice wavered as he kept his jaw clenched.

"But… No!... No! It's only September. We can't be stuck here… I can't… I can't do it.." I could hear the anxiety in my voice as it rose higher in pitch. "You. Don't. Understand. I have to leave! I have to get out of here!" I clutched at my chest willing myself to stay calm. But my heart was racing and I could feel my chest starting to tighten like it was in a vice.

"Hey, are you okay?" As Edward looked at me I could see his expression shift from frustration to one of fear. "Bella?"

I tried to talk but the words were cut off before they could reach my lips. _No, I'm not fucking okay. _My brain was screaming the words but I was frozen as the panic took hold of me. My body wasn't responding to my wishes.

I wasn't in the cottage anymore, all I could see were James and his friends holding me down, clawing at my body. There was a strange ripping noise and I felt like the pounding of my heart would shatter my eardrums. I tried to cover my ears and block out the sounds. It took me a second to realize that I was the noise. I was screaming at the memory of my flesh being ripped apart with the razor. My eyes locked on Edward's and then everything went dark. Something crashed.

"FUCK!" Was the last thing I remember hearing before the darkness took over.

**A/N: Some of this section will be redundant. I just thought it was necessary to get Edwards take on what was going on. It was also necessary to lead into the next chapter.**

**EPOV:**

I was trying to be patient as I explained to Bella that we were going to be stuck here for a day or two at least. There was just too much snow already, and even in her truck we wouldn't be able to make it out safely. She didn't seem to comprehend this, and I guessed it was because she wasn't use to being around snow.

She was practically hyperventilating as she was telling me that she couldn't be here with me any longer. The words stung, even if she didn't word them in such a way to make me think she really just didn't want to be around me any longer.

She wanted to leave, that was painfully obvious. When I looked up at her I realized that she was scared. The look on her face was one of pure horror, and I realized that this was something more than just being snowbound.

"Hey, are you okay?" Clearly she wasn't. "Bella?"

Her whole body started shaking and she clutched at her chest gasping for breath. She was looking directly at me, but her eyes were glazed over. I started walking toward her and then she screamed. Ear-splitting, chill your bones kind of scream that made you think someone was hacking you into little pieces. Her eyes started to roll to the back of her head, and I knew she was about to pass out.

"FUCK!" I yelled as I tried to reach her before she fell and hurt herself. I didn't make it in time and watched in slow motion as she collapsed into the small table beside the couch. Her body was completely limp as it hit the table and rolled onto the floor.

_Mother fucker! Shit! Shit! Shit! _A string of profanities flew threw my thoughts as I reached her and checked for a pulse. Her heart was beating strong, maybe a little fast, but it was beating. I was thankful that Carlisle had forced me to learn first aid. Her breathing had calmed down some. I felt her head to see if she had bumps that might suggest concussion. None. I started checking for broken bones, starting at the top and working my way down. Collar bone, arms, hands, ribs, all seemed ok. She seemed so frail, and tiny. I moved my exam down to her legs and noticed blood soaking through her jeans from her upper thigh. Her legs didn't appear to be broken, and her jeans weren't ripped. I assumed that she hit one of the antlers that formed the base of the end table when she collapsed. It must have pierced her skin without actually cutting the jeans.

"Bella? Bella can you hear me?" Nothing. Shit! I needed to check and see how deep the wound was. But I didn't want to have her wake up while I was pulling her pants off of her. That would probably just freak her out and think that I was trying to rape her or some shit like that.

I grabbed some blankets and spread them out closer to the fire so she would be warmer. I picked her up and laid her down as gently as I could. She still wasn't moving. I went to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit that I never thought I would need. I would need to wash out the wound and get the blood out of the way so I could see if it needed stitches. Fuck! Would I be able to stitch it up if it did? Probably not.

Once I had everything I needed I leaned down to her "Bella, your hurt. I need to take your pants off so I can check the wound. Don't be afraid. I am not going to hurt you. I promise"

I brushed my fingers across her cheek. She still wasn't making a sound. Her breathing was completely even now, which made me feel a little better, but I was confused as to why she wasn't waking up. She still felt ice cold, and was extremely pale.

I was cursing the first aid kit for not having any smelling salts to try to revive her with.

"Bella please don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you" I said again as I unfastened her jeans and started sliding them down. It was difficult to stay focused on the task at hand when I could see the exposed skin of her stomach, and her blue panties. _Fucking focus Edward!_ I yelled at myself in my thoughts. Back to the task at hand, I gently slid the jeans the rest of the way off and tossed them aside.

I was prepared to see a wound. I was prepared to see a gash or piercing of her skin. I wasn't fucking prepared for this shit! What the fuck! There was a fairly recent razor cut on her upper thigh. The bandage that she had wrapped around it was falling off, and completely soaked in blood. I carefully pulled it away from her skin and FUCK! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! That seemed to be the only word that my brain would even form. Once I wiped the blood away from the wound I saw more clearly that it wasn't just one cut but that there were a series of older cuts as well. Only the older cuts spelled out a name.

JAMES.

Who the fuck is James. And why the fuck does Bella have his name CARVED in her thigh?

The newer cut was a slash through the name, trying to cross it out or some shit.

I shook my head trying to clear it. I couldn't think about what she had done to herself right now. Right now, I needed to think about how to stop the bleeding and take care of her. She must have hit one of the antlers on the table on her way down because the cut was ripped open more, and in a jagged way. Not like a razor, but like the flesh was torn. It didn't look very deep, but probably could use stitches.

I decided to use the butterfly bandages on it as I was sure Bella would prefer I not have my hands on her more than necessary. And to be completely honest, the thought of actually having to do it made me sick. So, yeah, I'm a wuss.

Once I cleaned the wound and put the bandages on, I wound some gauze around it as well. I probably overdid it with the gauze, but better safe than sorry.

I pulled another blanket over and covered her up with it, trying to keep her warm. Her breathing was still even, and her color seemed to be slowly coming back. Hopefully she would wake up soon.

I couldn't think clearly. My mind kept going back to the name slashed into her leg. I needed to get it out of my thoughts. I realized the fire could use some more wood, and that I had never made it out to check on the generator or grab more. I got my coat and hurried outside.

The snow was still coming down, although not as hard as before. It was starting to drift and was at least 3 feet deep in places. The Universe was punishing me. That was the only possible explanation for all of this. The Universe, the Fates, God, I don't know who exactly, but I was definitely on someone's shitlist!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: First a special thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. I cannot even begin to tell you how awesome you guys are! If I haven't responded to your review, I am sorry, I tried to get to everyone so you would know how much I appreciate it.**

**Sorry for the late update- I went to Nashville to see Bobby Long and Sam Bradley perform. Awesome performance! These guys are amazing!**

**This chapter was difficult to write. It just never seemed to flow for me. I hope it is not too disappointing. After 4 re-writes I finally gave up and posted it as is. Next chapter will be better I promise!**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all things Twilight… again, I am the one who likes to get them drunk and make them do stupid things…**

**Also- This story is rated M due to content, language, situations, etc… and possible future lemons. This is not a typical fluffy happy story.**

_**(MINI RECAP:)**__ The Universe, the Fates, God, I don't know who exactly, but I was definitely on someone's shitlist!_

_**Chapter 8**_

_**BPOV:**_

I woke up screaming from the pain. I thought James was cutting my leg again. I couldn't see anyone near me, but the pain was excruciating. My eyes darted around the room not seeing anyone and slowly I started to remember where I was. I could feel myself starting to panic again and fought to keep my breathing even.

I was lying on the floor by the fire covered with a thick comforter. I tried to recall what had happened and realized that I must have passed out. I felt the tightness trying to return to my chest so I concentrated on my breathing and silently willed myself to calm down.

Pain shot through me when I shifted to a sitting position. I remembered seeing fear on Edwards face before everything went dark and hearing a loud crash. The loud crash must have been me hitting the floor. I quickly scanned the room around me. There was an overturned end table on the floor beside the couch. That must have been what I fell on.

Lifting the comforter, I looked at my leg and saw the fresh bandages covering the wound. So Edward saw my leg. He knew what was on it. He knew that I had been marked as a possession. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. The thought of him seeing me that damaged, tainted and used caused me to start sobbing even harder. He must be thoroughly disgusted by the sight of me. The realization hit that he was no longer here. He left… he's gone… he must have been too disgusted to even be near me any longer. Lowering my face to my hands I let the sobbing consume me.

"Bella? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Edward's panicked voice came rushing towards me from the other room.

He knelt down beside me, his hand brushing tears away from my cheek. Trying to blink back the tears I managed a whispered response "I thought you … I'm confused…"

"God, Bella. You had me so worried. You passed out, hit the damn table… and then your leg… and you wouldn't wake up…" Concern was clearly visible on his face as he rushed through trying to explain what had happened.

He grabbed my face and looked in my eyes for a long moment, then seemed to relax a bit before pulling me to him and wrapping his arms around me.

I felt extremely vulnerable and exposed. I worked hard to keep people distanced from me, and I felt those walls crumbling as I was wrapped in his arms. I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Edward just held me in his arms gently rocking me and humming. Something about him, whether it was his arms or his voice I don't know, managed to calm me and soon I stopped crying. For the first time in a very, very long time I felt completely safe. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity.

I needed to find out what he was thinking, what kind of reaction he had to my … scars.

"Ummm, Edward? What exactly happened to my pants?"

He stiffened and pulled away from me. His eyes were wide with shock or horror I wasn't quite sure which.

"Shit. It's not what you are thinking. I mean, I would never do anything like that. I would never take advantage of you. You fell into that damned table and your leg was bleeding. I couldn't tell how bad, and you wouldn't wake up. I grabbed the first aid kit and cleaned the wound, and bandaged it." The words flew from his mouth. He paused, running a hand through his unruly hair and took a deep breath. "Your, um… cut… was ripped by the table". He lowered his eyes looking away from me.

"Oh, um, thank you for taking care of me then." I turned to look at the fire. Trying to block it all out and hoped that I could keep the panic at bay.

"Why would you do that to yourself Bella?" He asked in a whisper.

Is that what he thought? That I was so messed up that I had carved some guys name in my leg? My temper flared until I realized that I had actually cut myself, trying to rid myself of James brand on me.

"I didn't. At least not all of it." I said softly. I wasn't sure if he would even be able to hear me.

"You can talk to me you know that right?"

I just nodded and looked back at the fire as the tears started welling up in my eyes again. Part of me wanted to tell him, but I knew if I did he wouldn't want to be near me anymore. I was being selfish about it. I just wanted to enjoy being around him and feeling safe for a little longer before he thought different of me.

"Do you have some sweats or something that I could put on?"

Edward nodded and left the room. He came back in with a pair of old sweatpants and a hoodie.

"I'm afraid I don't really have much to choose from, but these ought to fit you ok. Do you need me to help or can you manage on your own?"

"I think I can manage on my own. Thanks."

Edward came back into the room with an armload of wood. He threw a couple of logs on the fire, and then grabbed the food. I was surprised that the Lasagna was still warm. It's amazing how well those thermal storage containers work.

"I can't believe you made this. It's really good."

"Thanks. One of my talents I guess."

We finished the rest of our meal in silence. I was having a hard time blocking out the pain from my leg, but was determined to help clean up the mess and put things away. The silence was comfortable. It was weird how we just seem to work together without really needing to talk.

The cottage didn't have a refrigerator so we put the leftover Lasagna in the cooler and set it outside in the snow. I was surprised at how little was left. Edward apparently had a big appetite.

"I almost forgot about this." I said holding up the container with the cake in it. "We can have it later if you want. I don't think I could eat anything else right now anyway."

"What kind is it?" He asked with a look that was not at all hopeful.

I couldn't help but smile knowing that he probably thought it was chocolate. "It's vanilla. I know most people think that vanilla is boring, but it really is the best kind of cake."

"Really? Vanilla? That's my favorite. Nobody ever makes vanilla. Not even on my birthday- they tell me it's too plain." He had a huge smile on his face.

We both decided that the cake should wait for later. Edward walked around with that stupid grin on his face sneaking glances at me ever so often. I was glad that I was able to make him happy, even if it was over something silly like a vanilla cake.

As I was turning to leave the kitchen my leg connected with the cabinet causing so much pain that I screamed and fell to the floor. Edward rushed to my side and I tried to shoo him away.

"That hurt! Too bad you don't have any pain killers in that handy first aid kit of yours." I tried to laugh off the pain, and get Edward to relax. He had that horror stricken look on his face again.

He picked me up, against my protests, and carried me back into the living room. Setting me down on the couch and grabbing a blanket for me to cover up with.

"Stay Put!" He ordered. Then he went into the other room, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that I didn't move. "Don't move!" He yelled from the other room.

Curiosity was definitely making it difficult to stay on the couch. I heard a lot of rummaging, a few crashing noises, cursing and then Edward re-appeared with a box. I tilted my head and cocked an eyebrow at him.

He returned the look with a rather sheepish grin.

"I may not have pain killers per se, but I do have some other items that might be suitable" and he flashed me that crooked grin as he started pulling the contents out of the box and setting them on the small table in front of me.

"We have, Jack, Vodka, Rum, if you so desire…" he paused dramatically motioning to it like a game show model.

I started giggling. "Maybe being trapped isn't so bad! When did you get all stocked up?"

"Jasper and I use to come up here to chill out, skip school, or just to get fucked up for a while. We made sure we always brought something each time, so it would be here if we ever needed to escape for a while. This was actually what I was planning on doing before you and Alice showed up. It should help with your pain, if you are so inclined to partake".

"Why, yes, Mr. Cullen, I do believe I would be so inclined." I couldn't help giggle at the way he was talking.

He found an old radio that still worked and managed to tune in a station. Which, I found, very impressive considering our location.

It was all very relaxed, just two friends hanging out, getting wasted together. I admit that I would like it to be more, but Edward needed someone who was better for him. Besides, now that he has seen my scars, he knows I am damaged goods.

*****

We had both worked up a pretty good buzz. I was starting to feel numb and my leg wasn't hurting like it had been. We had been sitting quietly wrapped up in our own thoughts for quite a while when Edward broke the silence.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, I guess so"

"Who's James?"


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters… but I like to party with them and well, you know…**_

_**A/N: Lemons ahead… Just in case you didn't catch it in the previous notes etc… This story is intended for mature audiences. It contains graphic language, nudity, sex, violence, etc…so you have been warned.  
**_

_**Also- thank you so much for the amazing reviews and your patience while I was out of town. Hope you enjoy this chapter- I rather like it… please remember to review and let me know what you think. **_

_**Also- you should all check out twiXlite stories. I have them saved in my favorites- but you should really check out Saving Edward, Alive Again and Protecting Him (my top 3 favorite stories right now). Amazing writing!**_

_**Read on…**_

_**Chapter 9**_

_**BPOV:**_

"Who's James?"

I guess I knew it was only a matter of time before he asked that. The thought of talking about it was making me anxious, but I felt like Edward deserved to know.

"It's kind of hard to talk about." I finally told him while looking down at my drink.

"You don't have to tell me. I didn't mean to upset you by bringing it up".

"No, I don't mind telling you. It's just, I haven't told anyone about it, and I am not sure I can talk about it without having another anxiety attack". Looking in Edwards eyes I knew that he wouldn't judge me for my past. I wanted to share this with him, especially since I knew so much about his past already. Weird as it sounds, I felt like I owed him this much, at least.

He reached over and took my hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

I took a deep drink, and stared into the fire.

"He was my first love. I would have done anything for him. At first he made me feel really special and important. He was older than me, and a lot more experienced. I wanted to give myself to him, so he would know how much I loved him." I took another drink as the memories started flashing through my mind. "I was naïve enough to think that he loved me too."

Edward sat there holding my hand and listening to my story. He looked sad, but I guess that was more pity. He wasn't pushing me, and let me tell my story in my own time. "Apparently he didn't really believe that I could be a virgin. When he figured it out he reacted rather badly. It was like something switched in his head. He became more violent, and extremely possessive. He wouldn't let me leave."

I could feel the hot tears start to run down my cheeks, but I kept talking. I felt like it was someone else telling the story through me, and I was just an innocent bystander.

"He kept me trapped there for a couple of days before he finally decided to call his friends over. He tied me to the bed so I wouldn't be able to fight against them when they took a turn with me." I heard Edward gasp for breath, but I still didn't look at him. "I don't know exactly how many of them there were, or how long it lasted. After a while, I just didn't feel anything anymore. James decided to mark me as his. He had them hold me down as he carved his name in my thigh. I remember screaming, and then I must have passed out. I don't handle blood well. I don't know how I got out of there, or how I got home, but I did. I was just thankful that Renee was out of town for another couple of days. It gave some of my bruises time to heal." I knew I was glossing over the details, but he really didn't need to know all of it.

Edward had wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. When I finally looked up at him I saw that he had tears in his eyes. Being in Edwards arms made me feel safe, like nothing would ever be able to hurt me again.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better." He gently kissed the top of my head before I pulled away.

"No. I don't. He broke me, Edward, and I changed. After that happened- I wasn't the same person anymore. I tried to numb all the pain and the memories with drugs and alcohol. I didn't care who I was with, or what we did. That's how I ended up here. Renee couldn't handle me disappearing for days on end, coming home drunk, not caring about anything or anyone. She thought that sending me to Forks to live with Charlie would straighten me out. But it won't work. I am too damaged. I can't even stand to look at the person that I have become."

"Bella, you don't see yourself very clearly. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met- inside and out. You deserve happiness."

"NO!" I pulled away from Edward and walked over to the fire. "I use people Edward. I don't let myself get close to anyone. Guys, they all want the same thing from me anyway. I figured out that if I give in to them, give them what they want, I can at least do it on my terms, and then I am in control. Life isn't a fairy tale, and there isn't going to be a happily ever after for me."

"Bella, I understand what it's like needing to be in control of something in your life. Especially something that is suppose to be wonderful, but gets twisted and seems to turn into something evil and wrong. I also know what it is like just wanting to feel wanted, loved."

Edward tried to wrap his arms around me again, but I stiffened and tried to pull away. He wouldn't let go, just pulling my closer to him until I finally gave in and buried my head in his chest.

"I don't want to use people. But I won't let myself be put in that situation again either. I won't let myself care that much for someone that I end up getting used, and hurt."

"I won't hurt you Bella." He said the words softly as he kissed the top of my head, and I wanted to believe him. But I am just not capable of trusting anyone.

"Aren't you doing the same thing? Using people before they can hurt you? Not letting anyone get too close…" I let the words trail off as I looked up for his response.

"I don't want to be like this. I hate being like this. Maybe I am just too afraid to do anything else. You know, you get told that you are a monster, and pure evil enough times you start to believe it. I spend my life second guessing everything I do, wondering if I am turning into my father. I know that if people knew the entire truth about me and my past they would never want to be around me. I have done some horrible things, Bella. I do my best to keep everyone shut out, but then I get weak and just want to feel close to someone, even if it is only for a little while"

"We are both really screwed up, you know?" I tried to smile at him, but we were both too caught up in sadness for it to work. I really wanted to lighten the mood. I could tell that Edward was heading back to where he was when I first got here, and couldn't bear the thought of him being that sad.

"Yeah, I guess we would make the perfect couple. Both of us completely screwed up. Don't trust anyone. Sounds like a match made in heaven." He said shaking his head and laughing a little.

****

EPOV:

After I said it I couldn't stop thinking about it. It really wasn't a bad idea. I could see all kinds of benefits for both of us. We could work out a deal, and make it a mutually agreeable relationship. I wonder if Bella would think I was completely nuts.

"You know, that's really not a bad idea."

"Hmm? What's that?" Obviously she wasn't following my same train of thought here.

"Well, we could start going out together. You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend, only in a way that we would both be happy with."

"What? Like a business agreement or something?"

"Yeah. Don't you see it would be perfect! We like being around each other. You know more about me than anyone else. I wouldn't have to worry about people like Tanya and Lauren anymore, and you wouldn't have to worry about people like Mike."

"I guess I could see something like that working… but I'm not sure." I could tell she was still skeptical about it.

"If people at school start seeing us as a couple, then they will back off. I mean, I like you. And we are probably going to be spending a lot of time together anyway- so why not just let people think it is something more? Then we don't have to worry about being hurt, or using and hurting anyone else."

Ok, so being drunk probably made this sound like a much better plan that it would be if I was sober, but I couldn't help being excited about it. I knew if I were with Bella, then I wouldn't want to hurt her. I wouldn't be running off looking for a piece of ass, just so I could feel close to someone. Plus, I could protect her. She wouldn't have to get with guys just to keep them from hurting her. She would be safe with me. I knew I wouldn't be able to let it progress to more, because deep down, I knew that I was too damaged for her. But she still had a chance. She was good, and deserved the best out of life.

"So, are there ground rules? I mean, if we are doing this, then we have to kind of figure out what the boundaries are right?"

"Well, just the usual PDA's that you would see at school. When we are away from school then it can just go back to normal."

"What about your family? I mean, I know Alice would not understand this kind of arrangement."

"Yeah, you are probably right. So, school and anytime we are around Alice or Emmett?"

"So, we would probably have to hold hands, and hug… and, uhm, kiss?" She was so beautiful when she blushed.

"We will only do as much as you are comfortable with. And if you don't want to do it, that's fine. It was just a thought."

"No, it actually has possibilities. But, we would have to be believable. We can't go into school and be all awkward about holding hands and kissing."

She had a point. If we didn't look like we were a couple, then the whole thing would be pointless.

"So, maybe we should practice a bit?" I asked a bit sheepishly. I don't know why but all of a sudden I was feeling shy.

"Yeah, ok. We seem to be doing pretty good with hugging and holding hands though. It seems like we just automatically started doing that sometime today."

I looked down and realized that we were still holding hands. It was comfortable. She started to pull her hand away from mine, and I held on tighter. "No, please? I like holding your hand."

She smiled at me and I felt like nothing else in the world mattered. Just this moment with her. Ok, so I think I have the adoring gaze down. I might need to tone it down some.

"So maybe you should try to kiss me?" She said as she took another drink. "I mean, if we don't like kissing each other then it would be kind of hard to pull this off right?"

"Yeah, I guess it would. So…let's try" I pulled her up off the couch and towards the fireplace. I guess part of me was still trying to be all smooth and romantic about it, although I am not really sure how smooth and romantic one can be drunk. To be honest, I had never worried about my kissing ability until now. I mean, I thought I was a good kisser. Girls were always telling me I was, and trying to kiss me, but this was different. I liked Bella. I didn't want to disappoint her.

We stood there looking at each other for a long time. I was getting lost in her beautiful brown eyes. I raised my hand to her face and cupped her cheek. Her skin was so warm and soft. She was so delicate. I raised my other hand and gently brushed her lips, watching as they slowly parted, her tongue automatically moistening them. Slowly I pulled her towards me and lowered my lips to hers.

Very tenderly our lips touched. I could feel her quivering beneath my touch, and noticed that my own hands were shaking slightly. She pressed herself into me, her hands fisting into my hair and lightly tugging. I dropped one hand around her waist and pulled her body into mine as I deepened the kiss. My tongue lightly tracing her lower lip, asking for entrance into her mouth, I needed to taste her. A soft whimper escaped her lips as she opened them to me. What I can only describe as an electrical current seemed to course through my body filling me with a need to be closer. I had never known that anything could feel this good. I didn't want it to ever end.

Bella moved one of her hands from my hair and slowly trailed it down my neck finally resting on my chest. Her fingers left a trail of fire everywhere they touched, causing me to groan. This felt too good. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if I kept kissing her. I didn't want her to think that I was like every other guy she had been with, so I started slowing things down again. I pulled back slightly and kissed her forehead tenderly, before stepping away.

I looked into her eyes trying to gauge her reaction. I could see that she was still breathing heavy and trying to regain her composure. A beautiful blush covered her cheeks as she looked down.

"So…" I started to speak, but my voice cracked slightly so I cleared my throat. "What do you think?"

"I think that this won't work." She said still a little breathless. My heart stopped as the words sunk in, and I was sure my disappointment was clear on my face.

"Oh" I didn't know what else to say. Obviously I was fooling myself to think that she would have the same reaction as I did. I started to turn away because I didn't want her to see how hurt I was feeling, knowing that she didn't want me to kiss her again.

I heard her laughing behind me. Great, it was so bad that she is laughing at me now. I was trying to figure out how I could make myself invisible when she started talking again.

"If you kiss me like that in public I can't be held responsible if I start ripping your clothes off and attacking you. I think they have laws against indecent exposure." She was still chuckling under her breath but I felt her arms wrap themselves around my waist.

I spun around and looked down at her.

"So, it was good?"

She just wiggled her eyebrows at me and gave me a wicked little grin as she reached up and kissed me again.

"For someone who can get any girl he wants, I'm surprised you have to ask. But if we are going to do this charade, we might need to tone it down a little."

"So, maybe we should just practice a little more and see how it goes." I gave her a crooked smile and leaned down to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

"That's definitely tamer. We should probably stay away from kisses like this though." She held my face in her small hands and pressed her lips to mine.

Her tongue traced my lips. When I parted them to allow her entrance she teased barely touching my tongue before pulling out and tracing my lips again. I groaned into her mouth and she slowly slid her tongue into mine. I became impossibly hard as her tongue slid in and out of my mouth. When I tried to press her body into mine, she pulled away, leaving me whimpering at the loss of her mouth on mine.

A blush spread across her face as she looked at me smiling sheepishly.

"See, that kind of kiss would never work."

"Hmm." I said, pretending to think it over. I grabbed her hips and pulled her hard against my body. "What about one like this?"

I pulled one hand from her hips and threaded my fingers through her hair, pulling her towards me. My lips crashed onto hers, begging for entrance into her sexy little mouth. She opened her mouth to me, but quickly took back control. Her tongue caressed mine, then started sucking my tongue deeper into her mouth. I moaned loudly into her mouth, and wondered what it would feel like to have her mouth on my cock. I felt like I was going to lose it right there.

As if she were reading my mind, her hand started rubbing me through my jeans. I was putty in her hands. This girl could do anything she wanted to me, and I would easily beg for more. Her hand was moving faster and I felt myself thrusting into her, begging for release. I think I even growled…ok, that's something new.

I picked her up and carried her to the blankets, never breaking contact with her lips. I gently lowered her to floor and started kissing her neck, down to her collar bone and back up to just below her ear. My hand darted under her shirt and started teasing her breasts. The fact that she didn't have a bra on made my cock twitch straining harder against my jeans.

Her hands fisted in my hair, urging me on. I slowly kissed down her chest until I was between her breasts. My hand tracing small circles around her nipple, teasing but not quite touching. I moved my lips to her other breast and started slowly teasing her nipple with my tongue. The whimpering noises that she was making were spurring me on. I sucked on her hard nipple and continued to tease the other rolling it between my thumb and forefinger. Her back was arching closer to me, trying to push her further into my mouth.

I slowly moved my hand down her stomach and stopped just before reaching her hot core. Her hips bucked towards my hand as she tossed her head back in a deep moan. Slowly I lowered my hand, giving her the friction she desired. Her hands slipped to my jeans trying to unfasten them. I could see the frustration on her face as she huffed.

I pulled away never taking my eyes off of her, and started to undress. Reality started seep into my brain and I wondered if this was such a good idea.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked her. My breathing heavy as I tried to focus on what she would say.

"God, yes! Please? I need to feel you." She reached out to me, her eyes pleading with me to continue.

I quickly stripped out of my clothes, and watched as she removed hers. She was so beautiful laid out before me, offering herself up to me. My eyes hungered for each part of her, taking it all in. Impatiently, she started squirming on the floor, pleading with her eyes. My eyes moved over her, and stopped when I noticed her bandaged thigh. Reality set back in, as I wasn't sure this would work without her getting hurt worse.

"Bella, I… I, uh, don't think we should… your leg…" I was having a difficult time being coherent. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. The monster in my fighting for control, screaming in my head to just take her.

She looked pained and panic stricken. I knelt beside her and reached out to touch her cheek but she pulled away.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I want to do this too." I pleaded. "I just don't want to hurt you any more."

She just stared at me. I could see the confusion in her eyes as she tried to decide what to do. I slowly leaned forward and gently brushed my lips to hers. She didn't move, but I could feel her relax slightly at my touch, so I continued to kiss her gently. Soon we were locked in a passionate embrace. I moved my hand to her hot wet core and gently slid my finger between her folds, but not going in.

She reached a hand down and grabbed hold of my cock. I groaned at the sudden sensation that caused me to twitch in her grasp. As I let my finger slide into her, she tightened her grasp on me. Slowly I started moving my finger in and out of her, then slid a second finger into her hot core. She was whimpering and bucking her hips against my hand.

Her grasp on my cock became more urgent. She started stroking me faster, pumping me harder. My hips started thrusting into her hand as I tried to mimic the rhythm with my fingers pumping into her. "Bella" I moaned her name, I wasn't going to last much longer if she kept this up.

"Edward, I need you" I almost lost it right then, hearing her breathless lust filled voice saying she needed me. I would not deny her anything. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out long once inside of her, so I worked my fingers deeper into her, rubbing her nub with my thumb trying to bring her release. She grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me away from her.

"No. I need you inside of me. I want to feel you inside of me, Please Edward?"

My brain was no longer working. I did as my goddess commanded. I was her servant, her willing slave. I moved over her, being careful not to put any weight on her fragile body. I tried to position myself so I wouldn't be rubbing into her wounded thigh. She was impatient, taking hold of my cock and guiding it to her opening, then bucking her hips up to take me into her.

"Fuck! Oh god, Bella" She was so hot and wet for me. Her walls were tight around me, as I started moving in and out of her, I could feel them clamping down around me.

Her moans were the most erotic sound I had ever heard. Her body was tensing up around me, I knew she was close. Her hands were digging into my flesh urging me to drive into her harder.

"Cum for me Bella." I whispered in her ear. "Let me hear you cum"

A loud moan escaped her lips as she screamed my name, and then bit down hard on my neck. The pleasure and pain combined into an explosion as I thrust deeper into her and lost all control. We rode out our orgasms together, and then collapsed exhausted by the fire.

I cupped her face between my hands and smothered her with tender kisses. She smiled and closed her eyes, snuggling closer to me. I pulled a blanket over us and held her close until we both drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: owns Twilight and all the characters… I'm just borrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**A/N: Thanks again everyone for the reviews and for putting this story on alert. I didn't realize how much it would mean to me, knowing that people are reading and like the story. I hope I don't disappoint too much! This chapter was tough to write and hopefully its easier to read. Please remember to review- I really want to know what you think about the story, and if there are things that you don't like etc.. **

**Also, I have a lot of things in store for these guys in future chapters, so if things seem to be moving too slowly it's because I am trying to build some back story into it.**

**Reminder that this story is rated M for content. **

Chapter 10

_I could hear the shuffling of his boots across the floor as he made his way over to me. I held my breath and tried to remain still. I heard the clank of the buckle as he released the catch and then pulled it from around his waist. No, please no! Not again. I am good, I didn't move, I didn't cry out! I could feel the hot tears falling across my face and soaking my pillow. I tried to hold them back, but I had no control. A muffled whimper escaped my lips as I heard the whoosh of the belt then felt the buckle connect with my bare back over and over again. I tried to stay alert, tried not to let the darkness take me as the pain coursed through my body. _

"_You are an evil little bastard! An abomination to this world! You should not be alive. You can't be allowed to spread your evil to the world. You must be punished." _

_His hand grabbed me, causing my body to react in ways that I didn't understand. He coerced these reactions from my body and seemed to get pleasure from my pain. _

"_You look like an angel, so beautiful…" He then forced himself into me and it felt like he was ripping me apart. Crying didn't help. Screaming just made him hurt me more. I tried to just lay still and not make any noise. When he was finished he would lay on top of me, crushing me so I couldn't breathe. He would sometimes start sobbing, incoherent words falling from his mouth as he tried to regain his composure. Other times he would just leave afterwards or he would get angrier and beat me with more force than before. I never knew what to expect. I would have prayed for death, but I was afraid that he would do this to Alice, and I couldn't let that happen. _

"_Look what you've done! Evil! Abomination… Must Die… Must sacrifice and be reborn…" His eyes were glassed over and dead looking. He was yelling incoherently, and pacing the room. Something had changed in him and I knew he was going to kill me this time. He removed the restraints and pulled me to the floor. His fists were everywhere, my stomach, my face, until I finally collapsed. His hands were around my throat, and I couldn't breathe. My hands were reaching out for anything that might help me, and came in contact with a lead door stop. I focused all my strength and energy into that one action and slammed it into his head as hard as I could. I was able to connect a second blow to his head before he grabbed it from me. He staggered around the room, and then fell. I don't remember putting on clothes, or leaving the house. I remember seeing Alice and knowing that we were safe for now._

I felt her hands running through my hair, before I heard her soft voice whispering to me.

"Shhh, it's ok. You're gonna be ok. I'm here. You're safe." My whole body stiffened before realizing that it was Bella, we were in the cottage, and I had been dreaming.

She moved her self even closer to me and softly kissed my eyelids, and wiped away tears that were on my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I barely managed to whisper. My throat was hurting, and even though I knew it was impossible I could still feel his fingers digging into it.

"Are you ok?"

I couldn't answer. I was still trying to pull myself out of the dream. I focused on her hand, tender and gentle, tracing the scars on my back. I knew I was sobbing, but couldn't stop my body from shaking. Bella just pulled me closer, and I clung onto her like she was my only lifeline.

BPOV:

I woke to Edward screaming in pain. He was still asleep. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just held him close and whispered to him that he was going to be ok, he was safe now. When he finally woke up he could barely speak, so I just held him tighter and let him cry until his body finally started to calm. I don't know how long we lay there like that, but the sun was starting to peek through the windows.

He tried to pull away from me. "I'm sorry Bella. You shouldn't have to deal with that."

"No, Edward. You shouldn't have to deal with that. You aren't alone now." I held his face and tried to make him look at me so he could see that I was sincere.

He just sighed heavily and closed his eyes again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I could tell he was struggling with whether or not to tell me. "You don't have to, but it might help to get it out."

He took a deep breath and looked in my eyes for a long time. He looked so vulnerable and afraid. I could tell that he was trying to decide if I would be disgusted by him and not want to be around him anymore. So I tried to reassure him.

"You don't have to tell me, but nothing you could say is going to push me away. I am here for you Edward. I will always be here when you need me. Let me help."

We lay there, naked and vulnerable, just holding each other. Edward finally relaxed slightly in my arms and buried his face deeper into my shoulder. He finally started to tell me about the dream, but explained that it was a memory of his father trying to kill him. I did the only thing I could do, listen and hold him tight. It felt like if I let go he would crumble into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry to dump all of this on you Bella. You shouldn't have to deal with my crazy bullshit. You deserve so much more than this."

"Stop. You are not 'dumping' anything on me, and nobody should have to go through what you did. You are such an amazing, caring, loving person. I fully intend on making you realize that." I kissed his forehead and pulled back so he could see that I was serious.

He smiled a half smile, but I could tell that part of him was at least relieved. My stomach started growling, breaking us out of our little bubble. "Sounds like someone is hungry." He chuckled as my stomach rumbled again.

"Yeah, well, we burned off a lot of energy last night, what do you expect?" I said raising an eyebrow at him.

He cupped my face with his hands, his eyes burning with an intensity I had never seen before. He leaned in and kissed me with so much tenderness it overwhelmed me. When he pulled back his eyes were closed and he said "Thank you for being here."

I couldn't form words, so I just nodded and blushed. He smiled at me then, and I knew that the demons from his nightmare were gone for now.

We finally got up and got dressed. We found some granola bars and had those for our breakfast. We didn't really talk much as we went about gathering things up. The snow was already starting to melt and it looked like we could probably leave later this afternoon. Every so often, Edward would walk up to me and just kiss me for no apparent reason. It almost felt like he was trying to prove to himself that I was real.

"I'm not sure I am ready to go back to reality." I finally said.

"Yeah, it's going to be weird going back." His face took on a serious look and he pulled me to his chest kissing the top of my head. "You know, we don't have to go through with the whole arrangement thing. It was a stupid idea, we were drunk, it's ok if you want to go back to the way things were."

I could feel myself tensing up at his words. A million things racing through my head. I was sure now that he didn't really want me as a girlfriend. I realized that I was too far gone to go back to how things were. It was stupid for me to think that this was anything besides a night of shared emotions. I couldn't keep my hands off of him now, how would I be able to handle it if he didn't want to be near me once we got home?

"Um, I am still fine with it if you are. Unless you would rather have Tanya and Lauren trying to rip your clothes off of you in public some more?" I tried to tease, but inside I was torn. It felt like we had progressed to something more, and now he wanted to go back to how things were. I swallowed the lump in my throat and resolved that I would just be there for him, and see what happened from there.

"Bella, you are too perfect. I don't deserve you in my life." He cut off my protest by kissing me again.

******

The snow had melted almost as fast as it had fallen. We managed to get back to his house around 3 that afternoon. We were both self conscious and acting weird around each other. The ease that we shared at the cottage was replaced with anxiety.

I could tell when he walked by that he wanted to reach out and touch me, but he always pulled his hand back. I asked Alice if I could shower before getting ready to go home, so she led me upstairs to the bathroom and showed me where the towels were.

The shower relaxed me somewhat. My gash was starting to heal, but very tender. A huge bruise covered most of my upper thigh. That was going to be hard to hide in gym.

I finished my shower and darted back to Alice's room to dress. Edward was waiting for me when I re-emerged. His hands wrapped around my waist pulling me hard against him. His lips crashed into mine with an urgency I hadn't felt before. It wasn't long before he had me pushed up against the wall and we were both panting heavily.

"Wow, that was… unexpected." I said trying to catch my breath.

"It's been driving me crazy not being able to touch you. I guess I just needed to make sure you were real".

"So? Am I real?" I teased.

"I can't tell yet. My dreams can be pretty realistic." He gave me that wicked half grin and pulled me in for another kiss. "Definitely better than a dream." He finally said.

"That's good to know. I would hate being outdone by a dream of myself doing a better job!"

Alice seemed to appear out of nowhere making both of us jump as she cleared her throat.

"Ah-hem." I blushed and Edward just glared at her.

"What do you want Alice?"

"I wanted to talk to Bella if you are done sticking your tongue down her throat!" With that said she grabbed my arm and pulled me into her room, leaving Edward standing there with his mouth hanging open. I couldn't help but giggle at the expression on his face.

As soon as she had the door closed, she pulled me into a death grip of a hug. For a little pixie, she had some power! "Alice… can't….breathe" I gasped.

"Oh, Sorry!" She said releasing me. "I just wanted to thank you for being there for Edward. I don't think I have ever seen him so happy before. You are good for each other."

"You don't have to thank me Alice. I was glad to be able to help, and he is a really great guy."

"So… do you want to tell me what happened that made him all smiles?"

"Do you really want me to tell you about what your brother and I did?" I said blushing again.

"No, you are probably right. Not something I really want details on. I am just so happy for you."

"Yeah. Well, I probably should be getting home. I am sure Charlie is wondering where I am and what I am doing." I would have liked to have talked to Alice a bit longer, but I knew there were things I had to deal with. Charlie being the main one. I wasn't sure if I could handle seeing Edward again. I knew if I did, then I wouldn't be able to leave. Instead I would end up dragging him into the bedroom and trying to prove to him that real Bella is far better at everything than dream Bella!

"Tell Edward I said bye. Ok?" I gave Alice a quick hug grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.

I was thankful that I made it out before Edward noticed. I just needed some time to think about everything, and being near him made that impossible. I knew I would have to spend time with Charlie before I could escape to my room, so I decided to cook supper. He could grill me while we ate.

Thankfully, Charlie didn't really have much to talk about. He asked the general questions, 'Did I have fun', 'What'd you do'. I tried to keep my answers as truthful as possible. I just let him assume that all of my responses were about things Alice and I did, rather than telling him about Edward. Charlie knew I was no angel, but I was still his little girl and he just wouldn't react well knowing that I spent the night in a cottage alone with a boy.

He seemed pleased that I was making friends. He liked the Cullen's. Commented on how well respected they were. After dinner, he went to watch a game, and I went upstairs to homework and thinking.

I wasn't able to concentrate on the homework, so I started unpacking my bag from earlier and getting my laundry gathered to wash. My cell phone alerted me to a new text message, and I saw it was from Edward. My hands started shaking with nerves as I opened the new message.

_B-_

_Are u ok?_

_E_

Before I could respond I got another message, only this one was from Alice.

_Bella- _

_Edwards really upset u left w/o saying bye. You should call him!_

_Alice_

Great! I didn't mean to upset him. I paced around in my bedroom trying to figure out what to do. My thoughts even more confused than before. Just call him Bella, I told myself, and then hit send before I could chicken out again.

"Bella? Is everything ok?" His voice sounded shaky and almost frantic.

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"You didn't say goodbye. You just left."

"Sorry, I just wasn't sure… I mean I didn't know…" I was too embarrassed to finish my thought.

"Didn't know what Bella? Did I do something wrong? You have to tell me, I'm going crazy here."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. In fact you do everything right. Too much so. I wasn't sure I could leave if you kissed me again." My voice trailed off in a whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that if Alice hadn't interrupted us I would have been dragging you into your room and proving that real Bella is far better than dream Bella". The words flew out of my mouth before I even realized I was saying them.

Silence. Then a slight chuckle.

"I was about to drag you in there myself. I guess maybe that should be added to the list of off limits kissing huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I didn't mean to worry you."

"It's ok. As long as we are ok."

We talked for a little while longer before both of us realized that we still had a lot of homework to do. We made plans to meet up in the parking lot before school and said goodnight.

I decided to text Alice back, figuring if I didn't then she would be pissed at me. So I sent her a quick text letting her know that we talked, and that I'd see her tomorrow.

I was just getting ready to start in on my homework again when Charlie knocked on my door.

"Bella, I almost forgot to tell you, your Mom called before you got home. She wanted you to call her. She's worried you are still mad at her for sending you here. You should probably give her a call okay?"

"Sure Dad. I'll call her before I go to bed."

"You know, I am really proud of you kiddo. I know you didn't want to come live with me, but I really like having you here." Charlie was generally a man of few words. So when he did say something, it was usually something he had thought about and really meant.

"Thanks Dad. You're not so bad yourself." I said trying to lighten things up. "It's nice being here."

"Alright, well, I will let you get back to your homework then. I think I am going to go ahead and turn in."

"Goodnight."

Living with Charlie really wasn't so bad. He was much more relaxed than I thought he would be. I think he was even beginning to trust me again. Not that he should. It wasn't like I had been the best daughter. I decided I needed to make more of an effort to be the daughter that he expected.

Better get it over with, I thought, then picked up the phone to call Renee.

"Bella? I am so glad you called sweetie."

"Hi Mom."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Not completely. Forks isn't really that bad, for a small town."

"Charlie said you have made some friends already. Do you like school ok?"

"Yeah well, you know, its school, lots of homework. I still have a lot to finish up before tomorrow." I was trying to talk, but I was still pretty hurt by the fact that she just shipped me here instead dealing with my problems. Typical Renee, though. She wasn't use to taking care of other people, because she was always the irresponsible one. I didn't want her to know how hurt I was, so I tried to end the conversation. "I probably should get back to my homework."

"Ok Bella. Oh, I almost forgot, a really nice young man stopped by the other day looking for you. He was really cute too."

"Who?" I couldn't think of anyone that would be trying to find me. The people I partied with weren't exactly the type to just stop by and say 'Hi'.

"He said his name was James. I can't remember his last name, I'm not even sure if he told me. He was just so nice, and extremely good looking. How come you never talked about him before Bella?"

I was still in shock over her telling me James had been looking for me. "There was nothing to talk about really. What did he want?"

"He asked about you, said that he hadn't seen you around in a while, and was wondering if he could get your address and phone number. He said he might write you a letter. I probably should have given him your email address, but I honestly didn't even think about it at the time. You know how scatterbrained I get!"

"Mom, I really should get back to my home work." I was starting to shake now that I knew James had been trying to find me, and Renee just practically handed me over to him.

"Okay honey. Phil said to tell you hi. I guess I will talk to you in a few more days. Love you."

"Love you too, bye." My mind just couldn't process all of this. My entire body was shaking and I was starting to hyperventilate. I needed to calm down before I had a full blown panic attack.

I wanted to call Edward and just hear his voice, but I knew that was a mistake. I wouldn't be able to even talk right now, and that would freak him out. I just tried to think about Edward. I let my mind focus on his face, those deep green eyes, and that crooked grin. I could feel my body starting to relax. I was still curled up in a fetal position clutching my arms around me tightly, but I could feel my breathing starting to calm. I finally drifted off to sleep and dreamed of Edward holding me close and feeling safe.

The dream shifted into something sinister. James was always hovering in the background, hiding in the shadows of my dream.

********

When I pulled into the parking lot at school I saw Edward right away. He was running his hands through his hair, but his face immediately softened into a smile as soon as he saw me. Even from this distance, just seeing him, helped calm all of my anxiety from the previous night.

"Hey" He said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey yourself" I said as I buried my face in his chest and deeply breathed in his intoxicating scent.

He pulled away slightly and lifted my chin so he could kiss me. It was a tender, gentle kiss.

I sighed and relaxed even more.

"You okay?" His brow furrowed into a deep crease as he looked at me more closely. "You look worried."

"I'm fine" _now_ "I just didn't sleep well." I tried to shrug off my anxiety as lack of sleep, but I couldn't completely hide my jumpiness. A car door slammed near us, and I jumped in his arms.

"I think it's something more than lack of sleep. You seem very anxious, like you are expecting something bad to happen."

"No, really, it's nothing." I was a horrible liar, and hated not telling him, but I just wanted to forget about James and not let him ruin my life any further.

Thankfully, Edward let it drop as he led me into the school and to my first class. "I'll see you at lunch." He said as he brushed his lips against mine before heading to his class.

We had classes on opposite sides of the school, so I knew I wouldn't see him again until lunch. I easily got lost in the distraction of school and tried to stay focused on what the teachers were lecturing about. By the time lunch came around, I told myself I was going to focus completely on Edward and not let my past keep us from enjoying being with each other.

Alice caught up to me after gym and wanted to know what I was moping about. I guess I wasn't doing as good of a job as I thought at hiding my emotions.

"Did my brother do something stupid again? If he did, just tell me and I will set him straight. He can be such an idiot at times."

"No, Alice. Edward didn't do anything at all. I just…" I knew I would have to tell her something, so opted for partial truth. "I just talked to my mom last night, and it got me upset. It's nothing really. I'll get over it. I just need some time to sort things out."

"Oh, okay. Well, you know I am here if you need to talk, right?" She turned and gave me a hug. "I'll tell Edward to quit worrying. He is completely convinced that he did, or didn't do something, and that's why you are so down."

"Thanks." I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to Edward about this, not yet anyway.

We met up with everyone in the parking lot. Rose and Emmett were all over each other, as usual. Alice ran up to Jasper and jumped into his arms giggling. Edward just stood there watching me.

"So, do you want to go do something?" He asked shyly.

"I really need to just get home. Charlie is just starting to trust me again, and I don't want to screw that up."

"Oh." He looked so dejected. So I walked over and threw my arms around him, hugging him fiercely.

"Would you call me later though? I don't think I could go the rest of the day without at least talking to you." I could see his face brighten and the scowl slowly turned into a smile.

"Anything for you Bella. I missed waking up with you in my arms." He whispered in my ear. His breath and closeness causing chills to run down my spine.

"Me too." We kissed again, keeping it well within our 'allowable' kissing range and then parted ways.

Things were pretty uneventful. I had almost completely forgotten about James knowing how to find me. It had been weeks since Renee told me, so I was finally starting to relax. Most of the other students seemed to accept mine and Edward's new relationship, with the exception of a few. Tanya wasn't willing to give up on him so easily, she hadn't tried anything yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

I seemed to just fit with the rest of the gang. We all got along great, and always hung out together. The only down side, was that Edward and I didn't seem to get much time alone. Not that we didn't try, but we always seemed to get interrupted before things got too far along. I was actually kind of glad in a way. It made taking things slow a lot easier. The cottage seemed so far away, like another world completely sometimes. The emotions we shared there were so intense and overwhelming. This slower pace gave us time to really get to know each other. I knew I was falling hard for Edward, even though I didn't want to.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything- S. Meyer is the amazing writer who owns Twilight and its characters. I just like to take them out and cause problems! **

**Warning: There might be lemons and drama ahead. **

**A/N: Your reviews are so amazing. Thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback. I really never expected anyone to actually read this, and am blown away by all of the story alerts and favorite author alerts! Updating much sooner than expected- so hope you enjoy. If I haven't responded to your review, I am sorry; hopefully I made up for it by giving you a new chapter so soon! **

**Chapter 11**

**EPOV**:

I had been worried about Bella after our weekend at the cottage. She kept telling me everything was ok, but I could tell she was holding something back. Alice finally told me that she had talked to her Mom and that it had upset her, but she didn't have any more details. I was relieved that I hadn't done anything to upset her.

The first day back at school I had convinced myself that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I was sure that after she had time to think about everything I told her that weekend at the cottage, she would just push me away. Even though Alice assured me that Bella's mood had nothing to do with me, I wasn't completely convinced.

She saw how damaged I was. Not just the physical scars that I would carry with me the rest of my life, but the emotional ones as well. It was like all of my defenses shattered when she was near me. For Christ's sake, I spent half the time we were together balling like child while she held me. I may be new to relationships, but I am pretty sure that crying like a baby in front of the girl of your dreams is not going to leave the best impression! She had to think I was weak. She knew I was damaged, and it didn't seem to matter to her. Both of our damaged hearts seemed to fit together to create something pure and beautiful.

I decided to give Bella time to sort through her feelings. If Alice was right, and it was just problems with her mom, I was sure it would eventually work itself out. Over the next few weeks, Bella seemed to relax more. She was part of the group. It was like we had all been waiting for her to make our lives complete. Bella just seemed to draw everyone to her. She was so kind and generous, but could easily put Emmett in his place. Watching the two of them was always fun. He would do whatever he could to make her blush, and then when he would least expect it; she would hit him with some sarcastic remark that would just stop him dead in his tracks. He would go over to Rose and sulk, while everyone else laughed.

Jasper and Bella had a completely different kind of relationship. Where Emmett was like her big brother, Jasper was fast becoming her best friend. I think this had Alice a little jealous, not that she was worried that Jasper and Bella would do anything, but because she wanted to be Bella's best friend. I kind of understood why they got along so well. I think they needed the calmness after being around Alice's whirlwind.

Rose, who is usually slow to warm up to new people, seemed very protective of Bella. I figured it had to do with the whole 'Newton' incident at the party. They seemed very guarded around each other when everyone was around. When they were alone, and didn't realize anyone was watching, they were always giggling or laughing about something. Rose would keep everyone in check if she thought Bella was getting picked on too much. Emmett must have a head made of steel considering all the times Rose would smack him the back of his head.

I didn't want to push things with Bella. I was afraid of scaring her away. My 'issues' seemed to be kept in check while she was around. Of course, I would have liked to have more alone time with her. It was getting really frustrating always being interrupted before we could really do anything. I kept telling myself that I needed to take things slow with Bella. We had been together for almost 3 months, and it was getting more difficult to go slow. I thought it would help that we were constantly surrounded by people, but now I am not so sure. I really just wanted some alone time with her.

Everyone was at our house again. We usually rotated whose house we would hang out at during the week, but ours had more room and everyone seemed more relaxed here. While the others were busy trying to decide between playing a game and watching a movie, I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her upstairs to my room. I just wanted to talk to her alone for a change.

Once I had her alone in my room I couldn't control myself anymore and practically attacked her! My mouth crashed into hers and begged entrance into her warm, delicious mouth. Her hands were wrapped in my hair tugging gently at first, then more demanding. I pushed her up against the wall and let her feel how hard I was for her. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues fought for dominance.

Her hand pushed gently on my chest, and I knew she wanted me to stop. I wasn't sure I could. I needed her so bad. Somehow, I managed to move away from her. We were both panting, trying to catch our breath.

"Bella, I… I am sorry. I didn't mean to push…I just want…" I put my head in my hands and just groaned at my lack of self control.

I felt her small hands on my face, and looked down into her beautiful brown eyes. "Shhh" she whispered as she pushed me to the bed. I sat down; she straddled my legs and pushed me down further all the while grinding herself on my erection. She was so sexy. "I just thought we might want to be more comfortable" she said before kissing me with such passion that I couldn't control the moans escaping from my throat. She slowly slid down my body until her mouth was just above my waistband. I could feel her undoing my pants, and knowing that her mouth was just inches away from my cock, made it twitch with anticipation.

Before she could completely remove my pants, I grabbed her and flipped us over. I brushed her hair away from her face so I could look into her eyes. I wanted to let her know how much I cared for her. I wanted her to see how perfect she was. I kissed her gently and slowly sucked her lower lip into my mouth. My hand slowly found its way to her breast and gently squeezed, causing her to arch her back toward me. I moved my hand underneath her shirt and started tracing around the edges of her bra. Going this slow was torture, but I wanted to make sure that she enjoyed every second of it.

She started moving underneath me trying to gain friction between our bodies. Her hand then slipped inside my pants and she started stroking me through my boxers. I lost all concentration at that point and just started thrusting into her hand. When she started moving my pants down, I frantically tried to undo her jeans. She knew I was struggling and pushed me away gently to remove them herself. We shed our clothes and crawled under the covers of my bed. We were both impatient, and just needed to feel each other. I moved over top of her, and she wrapped her legs around my waist trying to move me inside her. I teased her for a moment, rubbing the length of my cock along her folds before finally sliding inside. She gasped, and I stopped moving giving her time to adjust to me. She started thrusting up against me, and we soon found a rhythm that worked. Both of us were so wrapped up in the physical sensations that we didn't or couldn't speak. We were panting heavily and Bella's moans were making it impossible for me to hold off for long. I wanted to last longer than this, to please her over and over again, but she just felt too damn good.

"I need to feel you cum Bella." My voice was more like a deep guttural moan, but Bella seemed to understand what I was saying. She was soon digging her nails into my ass and pulling me down harder into her, and making the most amazing whimpering noises.

Her tight walls started to flex around me and she cried out my name "Edward". I couldn't hold off anymore. "Uhhngh …Bella…so perfect…. Fuck! Bella…" We finished together and collapsed in each others arms.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself."

She started laughing. Ok, I wasn't expecting that. She opened her eyes and took in what must have been a confused look on my face.

"You worry too much. I wanted you just as bad. I didn't think I could take another second of being near you and not being able to feel you inside me. Besides, I don't see anything wrong with a quickie now and then, do you?" Her smile was so seductive. God, she was going to kill me.

I did the only thing I could, I kissed her. We broke apart soon enough, deciding it was time to get dressed and head back down stairs, before everyone came looking for us. Shit, I don't think I even locked the door. We were lucky nobody busted in on us. We cleaned up quickly and headed back downstairs. I had no idea how long we were gone, but it couldn't have been too long as they were just deciding on what movie to watch when we joined them.

"You weren't gone long enough to do anything too fun." Emmett said with a wide grin.

Bella blushed and hid her face in my chest. Luckily nobody was paying attention; otherwise they would have known that we actually did have enough time.

We settled in on the couch to watch the movie. Before we could get too comfortable Carlisle came in and wanted to speak with me and Alice in his study. It felt like my heart stopped beating. There was only one thing that Carlisle would call us into his study for. That was the one thing that I had been spending so much time trying to forget. Bella squeezed my hand letting me know she was here. I took a deep breath and followed Carlisle upstairs.

He didn't say anything but kept looking at a piece of paper. I could see the pain on his face and could _hear_ the struggle he was having with himself on how to tell us something. His thoughts were too erratic to hold onto anything concrete, and this was making me more anxious.

Alice leaned into me, shaking her head. '_This is bad. This is bad'_ kept running through her thoughts.

"Carlisle, we know that whatever this is about is not going to be good, and that it's about our biological father. So what is it?" I tried to keep my voice from betraying any emotions.

Carlisle sighed heavily and his shoulders slumped.

"Alice, Edward, your father is coming up for parole. The letter I received is requesting your presence at his hearing. They would like you to give a statement about your feelings on whether or not he should or shouldn't be released."

Alice sucked in a deep breath. But didn't say anything. Anger was the only emotion that came close to describing how I felt at that moment.

"NO!" I shouted. My hands were balled up in fists and shaking from my effort to control them. I wanted to punch something. "He isn't even eligible for another 12 years. They can't let him out!"

I could hear Alice sobbing, but could only focus on Carlisle and that damn piece of paper he was holding. I tried to reach out and grab it from him. I could tell he was still holding something back.

Carlisle put his hand on my chest to stop me. "Edward, wait!"

I didn't listen. I pushed his hand aside and grabbed the paper. It was from the State of Illinois Department of Corrections. I read it feeling even more rage building inside of me.

_Dear Mr. Cullen,_

_We are writing in reference to Edward Masen. Mr. Masen will be eligible for parole on December 1__st__, if approved by the parole board. We request the presence of Mr. Masen's children Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Mary Alice Masen Cullen at this hearing. The board would like to hear, in their own words, why Mr. Masen should or should not be allowed parole. _

_Mr. Masen has shown great improvement and extreme remorse for his actions that caused him to be here. He would like the opportunity to speak with his children after the board has conducted their hearing. _

I couldn't read anymore. I threw the letter back at Carlisle and turned to leave. The anger was boiling over and I needed to distance myself from everyone before I hurt someone. This all had to be some kind of sick joke. How could they think that we would go anywhere near that monster again? My body was shaking violently as the anger burned through me. The emotions were more than I could handle. I pulled at my hair and falling to my knees I cried out like a wild animal being beaten to death. I gave in to the anger and could feel it consuming my soul.

Nothing else seemed to exist. I could see Carlisle trying to calm me down, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. The violence my biological father had inflicted on me kept playing through my mind. I felt trapped and alone.

BPOV:

I knew something was wrong by the way Edward reacted to Carlisle wanting to talk to him and Alice. I tried to give him reassurance by squeezing his hand and letting him know that I was here for him. I looked over at Jasper and realized that he looked as worried as I was. This was going to be bad.

I heard Edward yell "NO" but couldn't make out the rest of what he said. I felt an overpowering urge to be with Edward. He needed me. Without even realizing it, I had started climbing the stairs towards Carlisle's study but was suddenly stopped. I looked up and realized that Emmett was holding me back. I just looked at him, unable to speak.

"Bella, this might not be the best time for you see him." Before I could respond, I heard a crash and a sound that ripped through my chest tearing my heart out. I shoved at Emmett's hands and he released me. We ran up the rest of the stairs and into the study.

Edward was on his knees, shaking violently as he screamed. Alice was sitting on the couch crying and rocking back and forth. Carlisle was trying to approach Edward and calm him. Edward's eyes were full of tears and glassed over like he wasn't here anymore.

I ran over to Edward, dropping to my knees in front of him, begging him with my eyes to see me. I reached out and gently touched his face, brushing away his tears with my thumbs and silently begging him to come back to me.

"Edward, I'm here. You're going to be ok. You're safe." He stopped screaming but his eyes were still glassed over and distant. I moved my hands over top of his to loosen them from his hair. He let go and his hands feel limp to his sides.

"Shhh, its ok sweetie. Everything is ok now." I gently stroked his hair, trying to sooth the pain from where he had been pulling it. He started to relax a bit, and his breathing was calming down.

"Bella" Carlisle said from behind me. "He is in shock right now." His voice was full of sadness. "Can you see if he will go with you to his room?"

I nodded my head and continued trying to soothe my Edward. I put both hands on his face and looked into his dead eyes. "Edward, let's go lie down." I reached for his hands and urged him to follow me. Slowly he rose from the floor and let me lead him to his room.

As we were walking out the door I noticed that Jasper was holding Alice and soothing her. Rose was holding Carlisle's bag, in case he needed it. I led Edward to his bed and pushed him down on it. He was like a zombie, and I was desperate to get him to come back to me.

I got into bed next to him, not caring what anybody thought. My only concern was for Edward. I wrapped myself around him as best I could. I wanted him to feel all of the love I had for him. He needed to feel it, needed to see that he would be ok. I stroked his face, his hair, his neck. I needed him to feel how much I loved and cared for him. I knew he was trapped in his own mind, telling himself he was evil and a monster and I had to pull him away from that. I kissed his eyelids, and his cheeks. I gently brushed a tender kiss across his lips.

I leaned closer to his ear and I gave him the only thing I could, hoping it would be enough. "I love you Edward. Please come back to me." His eyes flew open and I knew that he was finally seeing me. I could see all of the pain he was holding in, and I needed him to know he was going to be ok. His arms wrapped around me, and he buried his head in the crook of my neck.

"Please don't leave me." He whispered it so softly I almost didn't hear. He held onto me tight.

"I could never leave you baby. I love you, I'm right here". I could feel the tears falling down my own cheeks as we held each other close. I kept whispering I love you, and trying to reassure him that I wouldn't leave. I don't know how long we lay like that but eventually I felt him start to relax and his breathing evened out, so I knew he was asleep.

It was only then that I was aware of someone else in the room with us. I looked up and saw Carlisle and Esme holding each other and looking heartbroken at their son. I kept stroking Edward's hair.

"He's asleep now." I told them.

"Thank you." Esme said trying to hold back her own tears.

"I am going to give him a sedative, Bella. It will help him sleep. He is still in shock, and needs to rest."

I nodded to Carlisle, but made no effort to move. Edward might wake up when he gave him the shot, and he needed to see that I was still here. He stirred a little as the needle went into his arm, but calmed immediately as I continued to tell him I loved him.

"Bella, the sedative will make him sleep for several hours. Could we have a word with you while he is sleeping?"

Although I knew it was unfounded, I was angry with Carlisle for causing Edward this much pain. I didn't know what had happened, but I knew that it had to be bad for Edward to just collapse like this. I didn't want to leave his side, but I got the impression that Carlisle wouldn't ask me to if it wasn't important.

Slowly, so I wouldn't disturb him, I unwrapped myself from Edward. I kissed his forehead and then followed Carlisle and Esme out of the room.

"How is Alice?" I asked before we got too far. I remembered how upset she looked when I was leading Edward out of the study earlier.

"She is resting. Worried about Edward mostly, I gave her a sedative as well. Jasper is still with her." I nodded as Carlisle filled me in, glad that Jasper was still with Alice. He would be able to calm her far more than the sedative.

I assumed that we would be going to Carlisle's study to talk, but he only led me a few feet away from Edward's room.

"Bella, I want to thank you for what you did for Edward. I don't think anyone could have gotten through to him, but you did. I guess I hadn't realized how close the two of you were. Things may get a lot worse before they get any better." Carlisle looked almost defeated. I knew that whatever was going on was difficult for him too.

"What happened Carlisle? He was so happy just before, and now, now he is practically comatose!" My voice cracked and I couldn't hold back the anger I was feeling. I knew that I had tears welling up in my eyes, but didn't care. Earlier something had snapped inside of me and all I could think about was protecting Edward. I would lash out at or hurt anyone that tried to cause him any more pain.

"I don't know how much Edward has told you about his past. I don't want to betray his trust by telling you too much."

"I know what happened to him, the abuse, what his father did to him. I have seen his scars. He may not have told me every detail, but I have a good idea, and I know how it affects him still."

Carlisle nodded. "We got information today saying that his biological father is coming up for parole. They want Edward and Alice to appear before the board and speak in regards to whether or not he should be released."

I gasped. "What? Don't they know what that will do to him? You can't let them do this." I was practically frantic. To put Edward so close to that monster again, and have to relive all of the torture. "It's insane".

Carlisle just shook his head in agreement. Once I calmed down he tried to explain to me the rational reasons why it might be a good idea. First, nobody wanted that man back out on the streets. If Edward and Alice spoke, the chances of him being released would be minimal. Second, it might be helpful to Edward to feel like he could finally face this, and be able to put it all behind him. He needed to have some sense of control over this, since as a child he had none.

Carlisle's words made sense, but I could only see how much this was going to hurt Edward. "Ultimately, Bella, It is his choice. I am not going to make him do this. If he chooses to face this, then I am going to support him."

I just nodded.

"I hope you don't mind, but I asked Esme to call Charlie and ask if you could stay with us tonight, and tomorrow. I know you have school, but I don't think Edward or Alice will be able to go. I saw how quickly he relaxed around you, and if you wouldn't mind, I think it would help him tremendously if you would stay with him, and help get him through this."

This was getting a bit weird. Did my boyfriend's father just ask me to stay the night with his son? Ok, I know it wasn't like that, but it was just a bit surreal. If I were being completely honest with myself, I wasn't sure that I would be able to leave him right now anyway.

"Thank you Carlisle. Honestly, I don't know if I could leave knowing he is pain. You'd probably have to have Emmett come throw me out."

He chuckled weakly and tried to smile. "I thought it might be something like that. I know that you probably just want to get back to Edward, but he will be out for a couple of hours. If you want something to eat, or need anything you just let us know."

"Thanks." I said as I practically sprinted back to Edward's bed. I needed to make sure he was still ok. I slid back into bed, and wrapped myself around him. Carlisle smiled shaking his head slightly as he took Esme's hand and led her out of the room.

I laid there watching Edward sleep. His face was much more relaxed now. I wasn't sure if he could hear me with the sedative he had been given, but I still wanted him to know I was here. "I love you Edward. I will always be here for you, no matter what." Every so often I would kiss him on his forehead, or his cheek. I wanted him to not only hear that I loved him, but to feel that love caressing him as he slept.

******

EPOV:

The rage was all consuming. The only sound I could hear was what sounded like a feral animal being ripped apart. The noise was deafening. I was alone. I couldn't see anything but darkness. Occasionally I would get flashes of violence, of the monster coming at me, hurting me. The noise would grow louder with each vision. It felt like nothing could make the pain stop.

Something soft, warm and gentle touched my face. The screaming stopped, and I could hear her soft angelic voice telling me I was safe. I wanted to go to her, but I couldn't move. So I tried to focus on her voice, letting it lead me to her and away from the monster that was still holding me in his grasp trying to hurt me.

Something was pulling me closer to her and guiding me away from the pain. I silently begged her to keep talking to me, to help me find my way out of this hell. The anger and darkness that had consumed me before were now receding. But I still couldn't quite break free. I could feel waves of what I can only describe as love, wash over me. I could feel her hands caressing me gently, trying to reassure me. It almost felt like I wasn't alone anymore. But who could love me? The monster I had fought was myself. I was evil. I didn't deserve love. I would only cause pain. She shouldn't be so close to me, I might hurt her. I tried desperately to break through and warn her, she wasn't safe. She wouldn't let me go. She kept whispering to me, and touching me.

"I love you Edward. Please come back to me." Bella. She was here; she was the angel that pulled me up from my own personal hell. I opened my eyes and saw the depth of her love for me. If filled my heart and nearly broke it at the same time. I didn't deserve her, but I was too weak to let her go.

"Please don't leave me." I said as I buried my head into her neck. I needed to feel her, I needed her desperately.

"I could never leave you baby. I love you. I'm right here." I could feel myself relaxing. I felt completely exhausted, but I struggled to keep hold of her. I needed her more than she could possible realize.

The exhaustion was pulling me under, and I was desperately trying to stay with her. I faintly heard Carlisle and felt a sting in my arm. I couldn't fight anymore and drifted into a dreamless sleep. I was still hearing my Bella tell me she loved me. I could hear that for eternity and never tire of hearing her say those words to me.

A/N: Thanks for reading- please leave a review and let me know if you still like it, or hate it. I welcome the bad reviews too, they only help me grow! Love to all of you!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its dazzling characters. I just like to mess up their happy lives and see what they do to pick up the pieces…**

**A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews and comments. You guys are truly wonderful! Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter to you. Real life has been getting most of my attention lately. **

Chapter 12

**EPOV**:

Strawberries and freesia are what I woke up smelling. I was slightly confused as I tried to pull myself out of my slumber. Something was covering my eyes, and I felt a weight across my chest. I soon realized that Bella's hair was what was covering my eyes, making it difficult to see through her thick mass of mahogany hair.

She was so peaceful and beautiful. So perfect. She deserved so much better than me. I tried to remember what all happened last night_. _She didn't leave. She stayed with me. She… didn't… leave. I struggled to wrap my mind around this, and tried to recall everything that had happened. It was all fuzzy, and almost like a dream. I wasn't sure what was real and what had been imagined. One thing was sure, my Bella was real. She didn't leave, that thought kept playing through my head. It was a strange feeling that I struggled with. I always expected everyone to eventually leave. But she was still here.

As I continued to try to recall details of what had happened, Bella started talking in her sleep. Just mumbling at first, but every so often she would say my name. I pulled her closer to me watching her sleep, and waiting for her to talk more. She looked so innocent and angelic. I felt guilty for pulling her into my screwed up life. I continued to battle between guilt and the relief of knowing that she was here for me.

Bella's breathing started getting more labored and she started struggling with her dreams. "Please stop". "James, NO! Don't kill me".

"He can't hurt you Bella. You're safe. Shhh." I gently stroked her hair, pushing it away from her face, giving her my reassurance that I would keep her safe, even in her dreams.

It worried me that she was still dreaming about James hurting her. I wanted to protect her, but how do you protect someone in their dreams? I brushed my lips across hers, wanting her to feel my presence beside her. She relaxed again in my arms, and sighed in contentment. "Edward".

I just lay there holding her, grateful that I was allowed this time with her. I wanted to stay like this forever but I knew that even this couldn't last. I never wanted to let her go. She was the only person who seemed to understand me, and she wouldn't let me push her away. I could never be the man that she deserved, but I desperately wanted to be worthy of her. I knew this would have to end but I was selfish enough to realize that I couldn't let her go, at least not right now.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was using her. My selfishness and desperate need to feel loved was going to hurt her. Letting her go would probably be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. This couldn't last. No matter how much I wanted to keep Bella with me I knew she would be safer and better off without me. I would have to let her go. Just the thought of not being near her anymore caused my breathing to hitch, and I pulled her closer to me.

BPOV:

I woke up feeling completely safe. I had been dreaming about James coming to kill me, and out of nowhere Edward showed up. He wrapped me up in his arms and told me I was safe. Nothing else existed but us. I smiled remembering the dream and my knight! When I opened my eyes I was startled to see Edwards mesmerizing green eyes watching me.

"You're awake!" I gasped and pulled him closer to me. I was so happy to see him awake and almost happy looking! I started kissing him all over his face, until I heard him chuckling under his breath.

I started blushing, as I slowly pulled back from him.

"Hey, where are you going?" He growled as he pulled me back to him and tenderly kissed my lips.

"Sorry. I was just happy to see you awake. Are you ok?" I was searching his eyes, looking for the anguish that had consumed him the previous day.

"Yes, but only because of you". He said it so softly that I almost didn't hear him. I saw a brief flash of sorrow in his eyes as he started speaking again. "I was completely lost Bella. If you hadn't been here, I don't think I could have pulled myself out of the darkness." He looked torn, like he was trying to make a decision and didn't like his options.

"You are stronger than you think. Besides, I don't plan on going anywhere!" I placed both of my hands on his face making him look at me. I didn't let go until I was completely sure he understood how serious I was. We had all day to get into the serious discussion about what he was going to do, so I decided to change the subject.

"So, what would you like to do today?" I smiled at his slight confusion.

"Uhm, don't we have school? Or was I out longer than I thought?"

"No, we don't have to go to school, and no, you weren't out longer than you thought. Carlisle told me last night that he worked it out so we wouldn't have to go today. I doubt Alice or Jasper will be going either. Come to think of it, I doubt Emmett will go once he sees it will only be him and Rose." My stomach decided to start growling. No doubt it was protesting my skipping dinner last night.

"It sounds like we need to feed you soon. Your stomach may just decide to swallow us both." Edward laughed. It was good to see him smile.

We got out of bed and Edward motioned for me to look at his desk. There was a note with my name on it. I walked over and read it.

_Bella,_

_Emmett and Rose stopped by your house and picked up a few things we thought you might need. I put your bag in the bathroom. Thank you for being here._

_Esme_

I handed the note to Edward. "So I suppose you would like to take a shower and brush your teeth now?" He smirked at me.

"If you don't mind?" He kissed the top of my head and motioned for me to go ahead. I am not sure why, but it made me happy to know that Edwards parents thought enough about me to make sure I would have what I needed here. It made me feel accepted.

After I showered, changed and brushed my teeth I found Edward standing at the window looking out over the river that ran near the house. He had a hard look on his face and didn't notice me walk up behind him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked as I snaked my arms around his waist. I noticed that he stiffened slightly at my touch, but then relaxed and turned to face me.

"I was just wondering if you were going to use all the hot water before I got a turn!" I knew this wasn't what he had been scowling over, but I didn't push it. He would tell me in his own time. He gathered his things and headed to the bathroom.

I decided to go on downstairs and get breakfast started. I was pretty sure that Esme wouldn't mind if I made them all breakfast. I was surprised to find that she was already up and making breakfast for everyone.

"Good morning Bella. Would you like some pancakes?"

"Yes, thank you. I was actually going to surprise you by fixing everyone breakfast this morning. To say thank you for letting me stay, and well for everything."

She walked over and hugged me. "You don't have to thank me Bella. I am so grateful that you were here, and able to reach Edward. You have been really good for him."

She set a plate of strawberry pancakes in front of me, and my stomach growled in anticipation. Greedily I dug in. I have to admit that these were the best pancakes I had ever had, and I told her in between mouthfuls.

I could tell that she wanted to ask me about Edward. So I told her that he was taking a shower and would be down soon.

"Is he doing ok?"

"He seemed happy when I first woke up. But I know that there is something he isn't ready to talk about yet."

"He likes to close himself off from the world. I hope he will at least talk to you, and try to deal with his emotions instead of bottling them up. It's not healthy to always hold everything inside. I just worry that one day it will all snap, and we will lose him."

I could see how worried she was about Edward. There was also fear. "What happened yesterday… well, it's happened before." She paused, looking at me. I am sure she noticed my shock. "Only we couldn't calm him down the last time. Carlisle had to heavily sedate him. He eventually calmed, but seemed lost to us. It was 3 days before he finally spoke."

I walked over and hugged her. I wanted to let her know that I understood her fear and that I would be here for Edward whenever he needed me. I was already in too deep and knew I would never be able to leave him. The thought of being away from Edward scared me.

We heard movement on the stairs and Edward rounded the corner. The look on his face was calm, but his eyes were full of pain. He seemed distant. I decided he just needed some time to process everything he was dealing with.

The morning calm was soon shattered as everyone else made their way into the kitchen for Esme's pancakes. First Alice and Jasper came in, followed by Emmett and Rose. Everyone was fairly somber. I could tell that Alice had probably cried for most of the night, her eyes were still red and puffy. Jasper looked like he was feeling everyone's pain, only intensified.

Alice walked up to Edward and hugged him. They stood there silently holding on to each other. Alice eventually looked up and smiled at him, then walked back over to Jasper. Edward gave me a quick hug before going back upstairs. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to follow him or not. He was about halfway out of the room before he turned and held out his hand to me. I couldn't help but smiling as I walked back to his room with him.

He let go of my hand when we got to his room. He walked over to the windows and crossed his arms looking out. I sat down at the desk and watched him.

"Edward? Do you want to talk about it?"

He just shook his head no and looked down at the floor. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Please don't shut me out. I know you may not be ready to talk right now. It just hurts to see you in so much pain." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and fought to keep them from overflowing.

"I just can't think straight. It's too overwhelming, and I'm not sure how to deal with it, or talk about it. And I think if you knew how I was feeling, you would run away. You should run away, so I don't hurt you."

"You aren't getting rid of me that easy Mister!" I said teasing, but he wouldn't look at me.

"I don't want to hurt you Bella. I don't know when I will lose it again. I don't want you to get hurt by my bullshit." His voice cracked as he spoke, and I could see tears starting to spill over onto his cheeks. I reached up and gently wiped them away.

He was holding a part of himself back. Before, he had been so open with me, but now, I knew he was keeping himself reserved and distant. In what was barely even a whisper I told him my feelings.

"I love you Edward." It was so quiet, I wasn't sure he would even hear it. But I heard his breath catch, and he stopped breathing for a moment. I started to get worried. My confession was more than he could handle right now, and I should have known better. I was foolish to think that my declaration of love was what brought him back to me. This was the last thing he needed right now, more things to complicate his life.

"I just wanted you to know. I don't expect anything from you Edward. I just want you to know that I care, and I will always be here for you."

"Bella… I … I can't." He pushed himself away from me and practically sprinted across the room. His hands were frantically running through his hair. "It's too much… I can't do this. I can't be what you want."

"Edward, I don't _want_ anything from you. I just wanted you to know that I am here for you if want to talk. I care and want to be here for you. Please don't push me away."

**EPOV:**

This was not supposed to happen! She wasn't supposed to care this much about me. It would only make things worse for her. I had to end this, and end it now. I knew I had been using her to help me deal with all the fucked up shit in my life. I didn't want to use Bella. She deserved so much better than anything I could ever give her.

After last night it seemed pretty obvious it was only going to get worse. The darkness took me over so completely and I couldn't break free. If it hadn't been for her I would probably still be trapped there. What if next time I couldn't break free? What if I lashed out at her and hurt her? Last time this happened Carlisle had taken the brunt of my assault, even though I didn't realize it was him at the time. I cared about her too much to put her through all of this shit. She would be so much better off without me screwing her up. She had been through so much of her own shit. She needed to heal, and move on, not be dragged into all of my emotional crap! I had to end it before she got in too deep.

"Bella, I can't do this. I need to deal with my own shit right now. I can't get caught up in this. I am too fucked up. I need time to myself to get this shit sorted." She tried to hide the hurt behind a mask, but I saw it and my heart sank. I kept telling myself that this was for the best. It would be far worse for both of us, if I continued to let myself depend on her.

"It's ok. I understand you just need time. But don't shut me out completely."

"Maybe you should go home." I didn't want to send her away. She was standing here looking so hurt and vulnerable that I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms, and I couldn't risk getting that close again. I knew the longer I prolonged this, the harder it would be. But I didn't want the monster that I felt lurking inside me to lash out and hurt her.

"Bella, this is all too much for me to deal with right now. I just can't do it. Please…just go."

She walked over to me and I just turned my back on her. She put a hand on my back, I shrugged her off. I didn't turn, and I didn't say anything else. I couldn't allow myself to look at her. I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it. After what seemed like an eternity she left.

The need to maintain the façade crumbled and I collapsed to the floor sobbing over pushing away the only person I had truly cared for. I knew it was necessary, but it didn't make it any less painful.

******

I had managed to turn into even more of an asshole than I was before. At school I managed to avoid Bella with the exception of our lunch period and Biology. I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't be with her friends anymore, so I would usually just head out to my car and listen to music during lunch. Biology was entirely different. I sat next to her and did my best do ignore her. It was tearing me up to push her away like this but I knew it was best for her.

I knew she was torn between wanting to give me time, and wanting to find out what was going on. She tried to start conversations with me several times, but instead of responding to her, I would just look out the window.

I knew she was taking this hard. She looked scared and seemed to jump at every noise. Even though I couldn't let myself be near her, I still watched her whenever I could.

She didn't smile anymore. She had dark purple circles under her eyes and I knew that she wasn't sleeping much either.

She looked so frail. I could tell that she was becoming more withdrawn. My entire being longed to be near her to wrap her up in my arms and protect her. But that was completely impossible. I was the kind of monster that she needed to be protected from.

I decided to find Rose after class and ask her to speak with Bella. They had become fast friends after that last party and the Mike Newton incident. I knew that even though Rose can come off as being a bitch, she really did have a big heart and would do whatever she could for Bella. I would have asked Alice, but she was having a hard enough time dealing with all this crap with our biological father already. I didn't really expect Rose to have much sympathy for me considering I was being a complete jerk, but I was sure that she would at least listen.

*******

"Rose! Wait up." She looked up at me and rolled her eyes looking irritated with me but she stopped walking and waited.

When I got closer I noticed her body language and cringed slightly. Her arms were crossed across her chest and she was tapping her foot in irritation as I approached. Her eyes were shooting daggers at me and I really thought she might decide at any moment to just rip me to pieces.

"What do you want Edward?" She said with venom dripping from every word. I knew she was mad at me for shutting Bella and everyone else out. They had tried talking to me, tried convincing me that I was an idiot. What? Like I didn't already know that? I knew they wouldn't understand why I had to push everyone away. But it didn't mean that I was a cold heartless bastard either. Well, maybe it did.

"I know I have no right to ask you for a favor, Rose, but I really need you to check on how Bella is really doing."

"What do you care? You pushed her out of your life. You ignore her completely even when you sit next to her in class. What gives you the right…"

Holding my hands up in surrender I tried to explain "I don't have the right. I know that. I don't expect you or anyone else to understand this, but I didn't want to hurt her. If she stayed with me… I … I am afraid of what I will do Rose. Please understand I am not being selfish here. I just wanted to protect her from me. It's killing me to see her so unhappy. I am worried about her. She doesn't look like she has been sleeping either." I walked over to one of the benches and sat down. I was fighting back tears and really didn't want Rose or anyone else to see how weak I really was. "Can you please, just look after her? She has been through a lot of shit and she needs to know her friends are there for her. Please Rose?"

"You really care about her don't you?" She put a hand on my back as she tried to get me to look at her.

"More than you could imagine." It came out in a whisper. We sat there for a long time. I could feel her eyes boring into me but couldn't force myself to look up.

"You need her just as much as she needs you Edward. You should be the one talking to her."

"I don't want her to get caught up in all my bullshit Rose. I can't even handle it half the time, and I can't put her through that. She's been through enough already. What if I had really hurt her? What if this last episode had been like before and she was the one that got in my way? I don't know what is happening to me when I am like that- I don't know who is standing near me…"

"You know I will be there for her Edward. We have all been trying to look out for her. She just won't let us in. She has just closed herself off from all of us after you pushed her away. I'll try to talk to her, but I'm not making any promises that she will listen. Either way, we will all be there for her when she needs us, just like we are here for you. "

"Thanks Rose."

I was too emotionally drained to focus on anything so I decided to ditch my last class and head home. I had decided to go to Chicago, and I really wanted to talk to Carlisle about it. His shift didn't start for another couple of hours so I figured I might as well get it over with now.

*******

BPOV:

Life sucks and then you die. Wasn't that the saying? My life on the other hand was just fucked up. Everything about it was fucked up. I don't remember even getting through the days, they all blended together in a gray fog. The nights I remember, unfortunately, with complete clarity. I couldn't stop having the nightmares. They were almost always the same with James attacking me and trying to kill me.

It was only a couple of days after Edward pushed me away that James started sending me text messages. I tried to ignore them, but couldn't completely shut them out. I was only hoping that I was far enough away that he wouldn't try to find me again. Even though Renee gave him my address and phone number I had luckily only had to deal with the text messages from him. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. The one person I had confided in was obviously repulsed by me and couldn't even stand to look at me any more, let alone talk to me. The part of my heart that I thought was mending was now completely shattered. The tiny shards would stab me with every thought of Edward. I just wanted to be numb, and block out all feeling.

When Rose and Alice suggested for the hundredth time that we go to the party at Ben's tonight, I finally said yes. Maybe a party was just the distraction I needed. Rose said that she would be over around 6 to help me get ready. Alice was going to meet us there. She got a call from Esme wanting her to come home first. I had a feeling that it had to do with Edward and whether or not they were going to Chicago.

I tried to tell Rose that I was perfectly capable of getting ready myself, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I made dinner for Charlie and went up to shower before she got here.

Charlie knocked on the bathroom door just as I was getting out of the shower.

"Bella?"

"Yeah Dad?"

"The station called and said they need me to come in- so I've got to go. Don't stay out to late tonight ok?"

"Sure Dad, no problem."

"Rosalie is here, she's waiting for you in your room."

"Ok Dad. Thanks. Be safe tonight."

"Always am Bella."

After I heard his footsteps retreat down the stairs I wrapped my robe around me tighter and headed to my room. I was hoping to be dressed before Rose got here. I just didn't want to risk her seeing my scars.

"Hey Rose."

"So are you ready for some fun tonight?" I could tell she was trying to pull me out of my somber mood.

"Actually, I think I am. I am so sick of thinking about everything. I just want one night to have fun and forget that Edward Cullen even exists." Then another thought dawned on me, what if he was there. It's not like I had any right to ask him to stay away, but it would just make things harder if he was there. "Edward's not going to be there is he?"

"I seriously doubt it. He doesn't seem to want to be around anyone right now. Alice told me a little bit ago that he had talked to Carlisle, and has decided to go to Chicago to face his father. She was pretty sure that was what Esme wanted to talk to her about."

I felt relieved that he had made his decision. Even if we weren't together, I still thought it would help him heal his wounds.

My cell phone rang letting me know that I had a new text message. I should have looked at who it was from before opening it.

_Baby Bell_

_You will always be mine. Don't ever forget it. You can't run away from me._

_James_

Shit. I tossed the cell phone away from me like it had suddenly turned into a hot coal or something. I tried to calm myself before Rose could ask any questions.

"Jeez, what's up with that?" Rose asked me as she headed over to retrieve my phone.

"It was nothing Rose. Just leave it ok?"

"No. I'm not going to just 'leave it'. You look like you just saw a ghost or something." Before I could do anything about it she snatched my phone up and started flipping through the text messages.

"Who's James?"

"Just some asshole from Phoenix."

"Jeez Bella, there are like 100 messages from him just in the past couple of days. What's the deal with this loser?"

"Look Rose, he's someone from my past that I would prefer not talking about. Now, can I have my phone back?" Before she could hand it to me another text came in. She opened it and gasped throwing her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my god Bella. What did he do to you?"

I stepped over to her and took the phone. It was a picture message this time. My knees gave out and I dropped to the floor still staring at the image. I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate, but had no way to control it. I just stared dumbly at the image as all the terror of that night flooded back in.

I didn't know that James had taken pictures. The one he sent was a close up of my leg right after he finished carving his name in it. The amount of blood was overwhelming, even in the photo. The text that accompanied the photo said "You look so beautiful with my mark on you".

The tears were flowing down my cheeks and I was shaking. I could hear Rose, but couldn't really make out what she was saying. She looked frantic, then finally said something that brought me out of my breakdown. "Fine, I'm calling Edward! Maybe he knows what to do".

"NO! Y- you c-c-can't call him. Please Rose. Please. I'll be ok. Please don't call him!"

"I think he needs to know about this Bella. He can help you."

"NO! He can't. I don't want him to know. Besides why would he even care? It's not like he wants me around anymore. He is going to be going to Chicago in less than a week and even if he did care about me, I wouldn't want him to be distracted by from that. He needs to take care of his own stuff and not worry about me. I will be fine. James can't hurt me anymore."

"Shit Bella! He's hurting you right now. What else did the bastard do to you?"

I sighed. She already saw the picture of what he had done. I might as well tell her the rest. I didn't go into a lot of detail, but enough that she knew basically what happened.

"Please don't say anything to anyone else Rose. I don't want people knowing about this. I don't want people to look at me differently. Edward's the only other person that even knows this happened. If he knew James was contacting me he would flip out. I know he doesn't want me around, and that he doesn't care for me the way I care about him, but I don't doubt for a second that he would freak out over something like this."

"Bella, Edward does care about you. He's just an idiot that thinks he knows what's best for everyone else around him. He's already freaking out over you Bella. You should have seen him earlier today. He practically begged me to make sure you were ok. He said he knew you weren't sleeping and could see how unhappy you were. It was tearing him up. He was trying to hide it, but he was crying. I have known Edward for a long time, and I have never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. He loves you Bella, even if he is too much of an idiot to admit it."

"He pushed me away Rose. He knows all the shit I have been through, and it was too much for him to deal with. I don't blame him. Who wants damaged goods?"

"OH. MY. GOD!" She practically screamed at me. "You two are so freakin' dense! This is unbelievable! He loves you, you love him. Talk to each other and deal with it already!"

"Fine. But I am not saying anything until after he comes back from Chicago. He has too much to deal with without me adding to it."

"Alright, but if you don't talk to him when he gets back, I will. I am going to talk to Emmett and make sure he keeps a closer eye on you- just in case." I rolled my eyes and started to protest but she cut me off. "So are we going to go to this party or sit around feeling sorry?" She managed to close the conversation and shift it back to the party. I didn't feel like arguing anymore so I let it drop and finished getting ready.

We were on our way out the door when I turned and ran back up the stairs and dove into my closet.

"What are you doing?"

"I almost forgot something." I rummaged around in the back of my closet until I found what I was looking for. I held up the last of my 'Phoenix stash' and the bottle. Rose just arched an eyebrow at me. "What? If I go to this party tonight I want to have fun and not think about Edward or James or anything else."

******

By the time we got to Ben's the place was packed. I was feeling pretty good after having already downed several shots of 'liquid courage'. Rose went in search of Emmett, Alice and Jasper who were going to meet us here, and I went in search of the drinks.

I ran into Angela, who was usually really quiet and reserved. She must have had a few drinks because she was extremely talkative tonight.

"Bella! I am soooo glad you came! Isn't the party great? Do you want to play a game with us? It's really a lot of fun."

"Maybe later Angela. I really just want to go get a drink right now, Okay?"

"Okay- but you will come find me later right?"

"Sure" I turned to walk away and wasn't watching where I was going. Typical Bella move as I crashed into someone causing their drink to spill.

"Stupid Bitch! You did that on purpose!" Just great! At least I knew my usual luck was holding out. I didn't even need to look up to realize that it was Tanya that I had bumped into.

"Sorry, Tanya. I didn't see you there."

"Look what you did! You are just jealous because you couldn't hold on to Edward. He's with me now- so get use to it!" She started to throw the rest of her drink at me, but was stopped by a hand on her arm.

"Tanya, she didn't see you. It was an accident. Let's go." Edward said as he started pulling her away. He glanced back over his shoulder at me, but didn't say anything. His eyes showed no emotion.

"Bella!" Suddenly I was being picked up in a massive bear hug and carried in the opposite direction.

"What the Hell! Emmett- Put ME DOWN!"

"C'mon Bells, don't ya want to get a drink with me?" I didn't even know what to say. I could still see Edward leading Tanya out of the room. My heart felt like it had just been completely shredded.

"What the hell is he doing with one of the porno queens? And why the hell are you carrying me around?"

"Calm down Bells. I am sure it's nothing. And I am packing you over here, so we can get a couple of drinks. It is a party, remember?"

"hmpf" I huffed as he set me back down. He handed me a beer which I downed in no time.

"Easy Bells. It's not a race!"

"What's going on guys?" Alice bounced up with Jasper and Rosalie. "Emmett? Why is Bella guzzling down beer like someone who has been stranded in the desert and looking for water?"

"Well… Bells sorta ran into Tanya and made her spill her drink…"

"Don't forget the part where she and Edward are together now Emmett!" I stopped drinking long enough to interject.

"What?" Both Alice and Rosalie said at the same time.

"That is it! I am going to give him a piece of my mind!" Rose said as she started off to hunt him down.

"Rose, just let it go. I told you he made up his mind already." I was beyond caring. Part of me wanted to go find him and yell and scream at him for doing this, but another part of me realized that we weren't together anymore. He pushed me away. Of course he would want someone like Tanya. Who wouldn't want someone like her? I knew he probably just wanted to feel something besides the pain. We had talked about his past escapades and this seemed to fit the profile perfectly. His need to feel close to someone- but why couldn't that be me?

Determined not to let the pity take over, I slammed another drink. Just then the Veronica's song 'Take Me on the Floor' came on so I decided to take advantage of it.

"We're gonna go dance Emmett." I grabbed Alice's hand and pulled her along with me.

I knew I could get lost in the music. I made my way over to the makeshift dance floor set up in the living room and started moving with the music. Alice seemed to understand my need to get my frustrations out through the music. I had enough alcohol in me that my inhibitions were gone. I closed my eyes and just moved with the music.

_Take me on the floor_

_I can't take it anymore_

_I want you I want you I want you_

_To show me love_

I was picturing Edward dancing with me, our bodies moving in time with each other.

_Just take me on the on floor_

_I can give you more_

_You kill me, kill me, kill me_

_With your touch_

I felt a pair of hands circle my waist from behind. I didn't open my eyes, I knew it wasn't Edward, but with my eyes closed I could pretend. I continued to grind and move to the music just letting myself get lost in it.

When the song ended I opened my eyes and saw Edward staring at me from across the room. The look in his eyes scared the hell out of me. He looked like he was ready to kill someone. It was then that I realized that the person I had been dancing with was Mike Newton. Great! Could my life possibly suck any worse than this? I realized as soon as I thought it, that yeah, it could.

Mike grabbed my wrist as soon as I was starting to walk away. "Not so fast there sexy. Why don't we go find someplace quieter to finish what we started here."

"I don't think so Mike. Thanks for the Dance, but I'm really not interested. I thought you caught on after the last party."

"Aw, don't be like that. At least give me a chance. Dance with me again? Let me make it up to you?"

I glanced over at Edward, who was still shooting daggers at Mike. I noticed that Tanya had wormed her way back into his arms and was kissing his neck. Jealousy flared inside me. Damn it all! I didn't want to be jealous of a skank like that, but it should be me in Edwards arms not her! I knew it was completely irrational, but I couldn't help it. I turned back to Mike "Fine, one more dance and that's it."

I don't even know what song was playing, I was just thankful it wasn't a slow song. I looked up to see what Edward was doing now. I was shocked when I realized that he had pulled Tanya onto the dance floor and was only a few feet away from where I was dancing with Mike. She was rubbing her body down his and grinding into him, his eyes were locked on mine but his hands were roaming freely over her body.

Mike was pulling me closer to him and trying to kiss my neck. I put my hands on his shoulders to push him back but he only pulled me closer trapping me in his arms.

"Mike, Stop! I said I would dance with you- that's it!"

"Just Relax, Bella. You know you want this."

I heard a growl coming from behind Mike, and Tanya yelling "Hey!" It all seemed to happen so fast. Mike was being pulled away from me, then Edward pulled me to him protectively. Edward then moved me so I was behind him, but his arm was still around me. (Just for the record- this protective/ animalistic Edward was extremely sexy!)

"Hands off Newton! She told you to stop and I suggest you leave!"

"C'mon Cullen, you saw how she was dancing with me. She wanted it. What do you care anyway? It's not like you guys are together anymore! Obviously you aren't man enough for her!" He tried to reach around Edward to get me, but was shoved backwards.

I hated to admit it, but Mike did have a point, why did he care? Just 2 seconds ago he was wrapped up in Tanya's arms. What difference should it make to him if I was dancing with Mike, or anyone else for that matter? He made it perfectly clear that he was done with whatever it was that we had. I knew I let myself care for him, and that for him, what we had was just part of our 'arrangement'.

I didn't want to hear anything else. I just backed away from the whole scene trying to put as much distance between me and them as possible. Neither of them seemed to notice as I left them standing there. I grabbed another beer and headed towards the back door, passing Emmett on the way.

"Hey Em, you might want to go get your brother before he and Mike really get into it." I continued out the back door and sat down on the edge of the deck. I just wanted to drink my beer and forget about Edward, Tanya, Mike, James, and everything.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Alice asked quietly as she sat down next to me.

"I honestly don't know Alice. He is driving me completely insane!"

"If it helps, he seems to be driving himself crazy as well!"

"Doesn't really help."

"Bella, Edward loves you. He just doesn't know how to let people love him."

"That's no reason to shut everyone out."

"Well that's my dear brothers twisted way of thinking. He doesn't see it as shutting anyone out, he sees it as protecting them. It's a god complex kind of thing."

"Alice, I'm not going to play his game any more. I can't do it. I was wrong to think that we shared something special. He is just like all the rest. Do you think you could give me a ride home? I really don't feel like being here anymore."

"Sure Bella. Let me go tell Jasper what's going on okay? I'll be right back."

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait for the update. I have really struggled with this chapter. Had a lot going on with my life right now and it made it difficult to focus on the story. I am going to post it but I may eventually come back and make some changes. ** Reviews=Love.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

APOV:

I don't think I have ever seen anyone look so defeated. Bella looked like she had completely given up on everything. One minute we were dancing and having fun, then my dumbass brother has to ruin it all. Well, okay, maybe it wasn't _ALL_ his fault, but everyone knows how Mike is.

Edward shouldn't have gone all caveman though. And what the hell was he doing with Tanya? It was so obvious how he felt about Bella. I don't know why he was trying to deny it. I know he is really stressed out about having to go back to Chicago and face our father at this stupid parole thing, but pushing everyone away isn't going to help him any.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked no one in particular. I walked back in the house and see Emmett holding Edward up against the wall. Jasper is standing next to him with his fists clenched looking like he is waiting for his turn at Edward. It looked like he had already taken a few punches from someone, I assume Emmett. His head was hanging in defeat, and he had the same expression on his face as Bella. I would guess that he had just completely given up and was accepting whatever they decided to throw at him.

Jasper was saying something to him, but I couldn't hear over the music. Edward looked at him and responded. Faster than I would have ever thought possible, Jasper launched himself at Edward. Emmett was trying to keep them separated. What the hell!

"Jasper- What the hell are you doing?" I immediately ran over and tried to push him back.

"Have you all turned into freaking Neanderthals?" I yelled at him, happy to see that they looked guilty. "We'll talk about this later! Right now I am taking Bella home. Do you think you boys can behave while I do that?" They all nodded in agreement, but refused to look at me. Good. That meant that they were scared of what I would do to them if they didn't. I may be short, but I am a force to be reckoned with and they knew this.

I made my way back outside to get Bella and take her home. She wasn't on the deck where I left her. I walked around the house, thinking maybe she went to the car to wait for me. She wasn't at the car. Maybe she went back inside. I walked back in the house making my way through each room looking for her. I saw Rose who was glaring at Tanya. She stood there with her arms folded, as if daring Tanya to try something.

"I'm gonna kick her ass!" Rose stated it as fact more than just a desire. I definitely wouldn't want to be on Rose's bad side. She might be one of my best friends, but she scared the shit out of me sometimes.

"Have you seen Bella? I was suppose to give her a ride home and now I can't find her anywhere."

"I haven't seen her since she left after Mike and Edward started getting into it." She shrugged.

"Help me find her ok? I am really worried about her right now. She looked so completely defeated Rose. Like she had completely given up on everything. Like nothing mattered to her anymore."

"Did she say anything?"

"Just that she wanted me to take her home. Why is there something else going on?" I wasn't use to feeling out of the loop. Usually I had a vision, or feeling about whatever might be going on. Why didn't I pick up on something? I knew the answer to that already. It was because I had become so absorbed in my own drama that I had stopped paying attention to everything else.

"She's been having some problems with an ex-boyfriend. I kind of found out by accident tonight when I was helping her get ready. We need to find her. She was already in a bad enough state of mind before all this shit with Edward tonight. Apparently this James guy has been sending her tons of text messages that aren't so nice."

As soon as Rose said James' name I saw a vision of Bella lying in a pool of blood. I couldn't make out anything else. I couldn't see where she was, or what had happened.

"Come on, we need to find her now!"

******

**BPOV**

My phone rang. I thought it might be Alice wanting me to meet her at the car, so I answered without even looking at the screen.

"Hello?"

"Baby Bell! I'm glad you finally answered your phone. I was starting to think I was going to have to come to Forks and track you down just to hear your voice again!"

I froze. Hearing James' voice paralyzed me with fear.

"C'mon Baby Bell. I've missed you. I've missed hearing your voice. The way you beg me. The little whimpering noises you make…" His voice was deep and low. The sound of his voice was very seductive. He knew how to draw you in. Only now, instead of it pulling me in, it brought fear. "Do I need to come find you? Do I need to remind you that you will always be mine?"

"No, James, please stop this." My words came out soft and shakey.

"Ah, that's what I have missed. I love the way you beg."

"What do you want from me?" I hadn't realized that I had walked away from the house until I noticed that I was standing at the edge of the woods. I turned and looked back at the house lights. At least I didn't have to worry about anyone overhearing my conversation.

"That hurts Baby Bell. I want what I have always wanted…. You! I wanted to remind you that you are mine. No matter where you try to run away to, you will _always_ be mine."

His voice had become harsher, and venomous. I flinched from it and shut my phone.

"Bella?" I heard a male voice calling my name. My survival instinct took over. I thought James had been toying with me and really had tracked me down. I was afraid of what he would do to me. So I started running into the woods. I didn't get very far before I tripped over a tree root and fell. My head hit something hard… and everything started to go black.

JPOV:

If Alice hadn't come in when she did I don't know what would have happened. I just snapped. I don't know if my reaction was from the Wild Turkey I had been drinking, or from all of the bullshit going on. Edward deserved to have his ass kicked. He knew it, and wasn't even trying to defend himself. I had already laid into him pretty good when Emmett separated us. It didn't matter to me at that point that the only thing keeping him on his feet was Emmett.

When Alice yelled at us it finally hit me that what I was doing was wrong. Yes, Edward was being a prick. I also knew that this was his defense mechanism. This was what he did when things were getting to him. We had been friends for a long time and I knew how screwed up he could get. He didn't think he deserved happiness, and thought he would end up being worse than his real father. He always tried to keep his distance from people and not form any attachments.

When Bella showed up, she changed him. He was happy. They were both happy. Anyone could see that they were perfect for each other. Then Edward got news about the parole hearing, and just snapped. He pushed everyone away. I knew he was trying to build up walls again, and keep everyone out. I knew it was because he was afraid. I could see how much it hurt him to push Bella away. He had convinced himself that she would be better off, safer, away from him. He was so sure that he was going to turn into a viscous monster and hurt her, that he couldn't see how he could never be a monster. He cared too much about other people to ever intentionally bring them harm. It was his protective nature that was causing problems now though. He had things so twisted that he was trying to protect her by pushing her away. I was sure he had convinced himself that the pain she would feel would be far less if he pushed her out of his life. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Alice's frantic voice.

"Have you seen Bella? Did she come by here?"

"No. I haven't seen her since she walked outside earlier. She probably just went to wait for you by the car."

"No! I've already looked there. Jasper, I think she is in trouble. We have to find her!" She was almost in tears. I knew that this was about more than the fight earlier. I grabber her hand and started asking everyone we passed if they saw Bella.

We made our way outside and saw Angela looking towards the woods.

"Angela, have you seen Bella?"

"Yeah, she just took off into the woods. She was standing there talking on the phone and Ben called out to her… she just took off running. He went after her. I was worried that she might run across a wolf or something. She isn't use to living near all the wild animals."

"Shit. Do you know where she went in at?"

"Yeah, right there in between the two big pine trees."

"Alice, you and Angela go find Edward and Emmett and show them where she went in at. I am going to go find her and Ben."

I took off running only slowing when I reached the woods. I started calling out for her.

"She's over here!" Ben yelled back.

I headed towards his voice. Bella was unconscious. Her foot was tangled around a root and it looked like her head had struck a rock when she landed. Her face was covered in blood. I dropped down next to her and checked her pulse. It was still strong. The gash on her forehead looked like it was starting to clot.

I could hear Emmett and asked Ben to show him where we were. A couple of minutes later I heard them all approaching.

"No, God No! Bella? Bella?" Edward cried out rushing over to her side. "Bella please wake up!" His voice was filled with anguish. "Alice, call Carlisle and tell him to meet us at the hospital." He was forcing his emotions back as he let the rational side take control.

I started to move forward to help him pick her up and he fucking growled at me! I held my hands up in surrender.

"Let me help you out Edward."

"NO! I've got her. Just go get the car ready. Alice can drive since she wasn't drinking." He scooped her up holding her close to his chest and made his way back towards the cars.

"Carlisle is going to meet us at the hospital."

The drive to the hospital was silent except for Edward whispering to Bella. I couldn't hear much of what he was saying to her- but it sounded a lot like what she said to him the night he flipped out.

"Come back to me Bella. I'm so sorry… Please wake up."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Twilight or any of the characters… but I do like to take them out and shake up their lives a bit. All hail to S. Meyer for her amazing stories and characters! (And for letting us all take them out to play)._

_**A/N:**__ After re-reading this chapter I found some inconsistencies. Hopefully I have those all corrected now. (That's what I get for writing at 2a.m.) Feel free to call me out on this at any time…_

**Chapter 14 (Revised)**

"_Come back to me Bella. I'm so sorry… Please wake up."_

**EPOV:**

God, what have I done? I was the reason Bella way lying here unconscious. If I hadn't been such a selfish bastard she would never have taken off like that. Why wouldn't she wake up? She had to be okay- I would die if anything happened to her. My thoughts drifted to the last time I saw her unconscious. We were at the cabin and she had passed out.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

Her leg… she wouldn't want anyone to know about that. They would probably admit her and would definitely check her over for more injuries. They would see her leg. I knew she didn't want anyone to know about it, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to protect her from this.

"Alice has Bella ever talked to you about James?"

"What? Why does that matter?"

"Just answer me. Please?"

"Yeah, she talked about him a little bit. But she didn't go into details. I know he had to have hurt her pretty bad, but she keeps it all locked up inside."

I was hoping that Bella might have talked to Alice about what James did to her- then I wouldn't be betraying her trust if I asked Alice what to do.

"She already hates me, so I guess it doesn't matter if I tell." I didn't realize I said it out loud until Alice asked what I meant. So I told her just enough so she would understand without going into detail.

"Edward, the best you can do is to tell Carlisle what you know. He will do his best to keep it quiet. It might actually help her more if someone else knows."

I didn't have any more time to think about it as we pulled up to the Emergency Room doors. Carlisle opened my door and reached for Bella. I held her tighter and carried her to the stretcher they had waiting. Her breathing was still shallow, and she looked so frail. I didn't want to let her go, but I knew that Carlisle would help her. He did a quick exam before directing his staff where to take her. He slid his arm around my shoulder and I felt like I was going to collapse. I drew in a deep breath and started telling him what I knew about what had happened to her. I also quickly explained enough about her scars that he understood and assured me that he would do what he could to respect her privacy. He quickly left and for the first time I noticed that the others had arrived as well.

"What have I done?" I said to no one in particular.

"Edward, you didn't do this. It was an accident. You know how accident prone Bella is. She trips over thin air! Don't you even remember how you met her?" Emmett said with a small smile.

I did remember how we met when she fell into my lap. I sank down into a nearby chair and started crying. I didn't care who saw me. The only thing that mattered was Bella. I needed her to be okay. I couldn't let myself even consider the possibility of losing her. None of this would have happened if I hadn't pushed her away.

"Did anyone call Charlie? We should let him know." I asked after I managed to get myself back under control.

"I called him Edward. He is on his way now." Rosalie said as she came over and placed a hand on my shoulder.

Charlie rushed into the waiting room at the same time that Carlisle came in.

"Is she okay? What happened?" His thoughts were frantic as he looked from us to Carlisle and back again. Anger, pain, love all rushed through his thoughts as he tried to maintain control and get answers.

"Charlie. Apparently Bella tripped and hit her head on a rock. She has a badly sprained ankle and a concussion. She hasn't regained consciousness yet so we are keeping a close eye on her. The CT scan showed some swelling of the brain. All we can do now is wait. She is being taken to a room in ICU now. I will have one of the nurses come down and take you up there in a few moments."

"Is she going to be okay, Carlisle? When will she wake up?"

"We don't know yet Charlie. She could wake up any minute now, or it could be days. She is a very strong, healthy girl, so I expect a full recovery. But with any brain trauma, you just never really know. I'm sorry I can't give you better news."

Charlie just shook his head as he took it all in. Fear and guilt were threatening to completely overwhelm me. I had to see her, but didn't know if Charlie or Carlisle would allow it.

"Can I see her?" My voice was weak and cracked. I knew that Charlie was not fully aware that Bella and I had been in a relationship. That realization was starting to hit him as he looked me over more closely. He didn't say anything and gave a slight nod in agreement. He was thinking that he would grill me later about my relationship with his daughter. He only agreed because he thought I looked like I would collapse if he said no. He was probably right.

Thankfully we didn't have to wait long for the nurse to show us to Bella's room. She looked like she was just sleeping. They had cleaned away all of the blood from her face and hair. Charlie went to her side and held one of her hands.

"C'mon Bells. Open your eyes for your old man." He sighed heavily and waited.

After a while Charlie got up and started pacing the room. I sat down in the chair next to Bella's bed and gently held her hand silently willing her to open her eyes. I talked to her, not knowing if she could hear me, but I wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. After a while, I started humming softly to her, and wished that I had a keyboard or piano so I could play for her. The music in my head was something that was purely Bella. When she got out of here, I would have to play it for her properly.

Charlie walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. His thoughts were a jumbled mixture of work, Renee, Bella, guilt, and frustration.

"Edward, you've been here all night. You should probably go home and get some rest."

"I don't want to leave her alone, sir."

"I know son, but you don't need to collapse from exhaustion and end up in here as well. She'd be mad at both of us if that happened. I am sure your father will let you know if there are any changes. Now, come on, I'll give you a ride home. I have to run home myself and get a change of clothes and make some phone calls. There isn't anything we can do for her right now."

I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to tell him that there was plenty we could still do. Just being here was something. I was afraid if I voiced my opinions, he would get angry and kick me out completely. I couldn't take that chance.

I gently brushed her hair back and whispered in her ear. "I'll be back soon, love. Sweet Dreams."

Charlie stopped briefly at the nurses' station to let them know he was going home for a little bit. Even though they assured him they would take good care of Bella, I was still worried about her being alone. I'd just run in take a quick shower, change and head back to the hospital.

******

BPOV:

_Darkness. I could hear voices on the other side of the darkness, but I couldn't find my way to them. I heard Charlie asking me to open my eyes, but the darkness was to thick- I couldn't fight it._

_Later I remember hearing Edward. He was begging me to come back to him. He kept telling me he was sorry. Then, I heard singing. I think it was Edward, but I couldn't be sure. Next, Edward telling me to have sweet dreams. Then there was silence. _

_I was scared. I wasn't sure what was happening. Silence and Darkness…_

"_Baby Bell"… that voice… it was James… It couldn't be real. Panic started to take over. I tried in vain to pull myself out of the darkness. It was so thick and unrelenting. I struggled to break free, to open my eyes._

"_So beautiful… so vulnerable. You will always be mine." I could feel the pressure of his lips on my cheek._

_I could hear monitors beeping furiously as I fought against the darkness that was holding me captive. I wanted to run but the darkness pulled me back in. Then it was silent. _

_******_

_Music? I tried to clear my clouded thoughts and fight my way back through the veil of darkness that had me trapped. I don't know how long it had been since I heard James voice. I knew I had to fight and break free of my prison. The music was someone humming. It sounded like a lullabye. It stopped. _

"_Please forgive me Bella. Please come back to me. I'll leave if you tell me you don't want me anymore, but please open your eyes love. I need you so bad." It was Edward. He was here. He sounded so broken and upset. I could feel a slight pressure on my hand. I focused on this and worked at pulling myself out of the darkness and back to Edward. I had to break free before James came back. I didn't know if he was really here, but I was too scared and didn't want to be alone if he came back._

_I felt Edwards hand touch my cheek. I could feel his warm breath against my ear as he whispered to me. "I love you so much Bella. It scares the hell out of me. You are the only person who really knows me. I am so sorry for causing this to happen." His voice cracked and I could tell then, that he was crying. "I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to love. You deserve someone who isn't so fucked up. How could you even really want me? Knowing what that Bastard did to me, knowing just some of what I have done? Why? How could you even want to be near me?"_

_He was sobbing even harder now. I could feel the wetness from his tears on my arm, and feel him shaking as he held onto my hand. I willed myself to open my eyes. I had to comfort him. I desperately wanted to run my fingers through his hair and let him know that none of the things in his past mattered to me. He was hurting and needed to know I could never stop loving him. I tried to open my eyes, but the light was blinding and hurt. _

_I must have moaned because I felt Edward's hand stiffen as he held mine._

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

"Edward…" I said but my voice was just a whisper. "I…. I…" I tried to let him know I loved him, but he cut me off before I could get the words out.

"Shhh, don't try to speak, love. You're safe. You're in the hospital." He leaned over me and kissed my forehead. "God, I'm so glad you're finally awake."

I was able to focus on him now. He was still absolutely gorgeous, but had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He looked much paler than I remembered, but his face was flushed from crying.

"I need to get Carlisle and let him know you're awake. I'll be right back."

I squeezed his hand as tight as I could I didn't want him to leave. "No! Please, don't leave me." I know it was silly but I didn't want to be alone, not even for a little bit. Not yet.

"Ok, Bella. I'm not going anywhere." He leaned over and kissed my forehead again. "I'll just use your call button instead."

I sighed in relief and started to close my eyes. I hadn't done anything, but felt extremely exhausted.

"No, Bella. Keep your eyes open for me. Stay with me Bella. I don't want to lose you again."

I just nodded and kept my eyes locked on his as he pushed the call button. It wasn't long after that my room filled up with people. First a nurse came in and checked my vitals. Then Carlisle came in and started asking a bunch of questions, shone a light in my eyes, and did a lot of reflex tests. I tried to keep my focus on Edward, but Carlisle finally made him leave the room.

"I know you aren't up for this yet, but when I come back tomorrow to check on you I think we need to talk about your scars."

I couldn't say anything, so I just nodded.

"I want you to know that whatever you say to me, stays with me. It is completely confidential. So you don't need to worry about anyone else finding out. Ok?"

Again, all I could do was nod.

"As for the rest of tonight, I'm afraid you aren't going to have an easy night. The nurses will be in to check on you every couple of hours, to make sure things are still going well."

He continued to explain about my head injury and that they were going to keep monitoring me closely until they were sure I was completely out of danger.

"How long was I out?"

"Eight days. You really had us all worried. Edward hasn't wanted to leave your side since he carried you in. Charlie forced him to leave once, but he just came right back. We finally gave in- with conditions."

"What conditions?" I was surprised that Edward had stayed with me. I was surprised that he was the one that brought me in. I was going to have a lot of questions I realized as I tried to take it all in.

"He stopped eating and sleeping. So we had to make sure he was taking care of himself. He had to leave you long enough to go to the cafeteria and eat. We also brought a recliner in so he could get some sleep. He absolutely refused to leave you for any longer than a rushed trip to the cafeteria. I think he wanted to do for you, what you did for him. It's completely different, of course, but he wanted to be the one to bring you back to us. I could see the determination on his face."

"I could hear him talking to me, and singing. I remember trying to find him, but it was so dark."

Carlisle just nodded and smiled at me. "Well, maybe now that you are awake you can convince him he needs to take better care of himself."

"I'll try. He's pretty stubborn though."

Carlisle started laughing at my comment. "You've got that right. Well, he is probably pacing a hole in the floor outside. Do you want me to send him back in?" I just nodded. "I still need to call your Dad and let him know you are awake. He was having a hard time dealing with this. I think it made him feel helpless." With that he walked out of the room.

Edward practically sprinted through the door and back to my side. "Hey beautiful."

I arched an eyebrow at him but didn't ask what I was dying to know. Instead I just said "Hey" back.

I really wanted to know why he was the one that brought me to the hospital. Why he had spent so much time here. Why he was with Tanya at the party. I had a million questions I wanted to ask. While I was trying to figure out where to start, I noticed that Edward's face changed from happy to withdrawn and sad.

"Bella, if you want me to leave, just tell me. I'll understand. I treated you horribly, and I know you can't possibly forgive me for what I have done, but I hope that you will let me stay. I'm just really happy you're okay."

"I don't want you to leave, but why did you stay?"


	15. Chapter 15

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's owns Twilight…. I own nothing (but I have 2 dogs that think I am amazing anyway!)**_

**A/N:** Sorry about the confusion with the last chapter. I have uploaded a revised chapter 14. Nobody called me out on it- so I am hoping that it just went unnoticed- but I doubt that. To clarify- Charlie was not at the hospital. He was having a difficult time staying there and feeling helpless- so he threw himself into his work.

Chapter 15 ~Why are you here?~

BPOV:

I think I already knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from him. He stayed because he felt guilty. He was going to have to learn that not everything was his fault. He was worse than I was about taking the blame for things he had no control over. He looked confused as he thought over his response to my question.

"Bella, I care about you and couldn't stand the thought of losing you. I know you don't want me around anymore. But please don't send me away- let me try to make this up to you. I'm so sorry."

Edward looked completely vulnerable and almost defeated. But I needed to know why he stayed. He had done nothing but push me away, and make me feel like I could never be worthy of him. I didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

"I didn't want you to wake up alone. I wanted to be the first person you saw when you opened your eyes. I thought that maybe if you knew I was here…. it would help bring you back." He kept his eyes focused on his hands as he barely whispered the last part.

"But why? I mean, you haven't wanted to talk to me, or even look at me for weeks. So why the change now?"

"I….I was scared Bella. I couldn't stand knowing that I was the reason you were in here in the first place. What if you didn't wake up? I couldn't stand thinking that maybe I had lost you forever. I know you can't forgive me for being such a complete ass, but I hope that maybe we can try being friends again." His face was wracked with guilt and pain.

"Edward, you are not the reason I am in here. I'm in here because I am clumsy, and I tripped." I knew I should probably tell him the whole truth, but I wasn't ready to go there just yet.

"But you wouldn't have been in the woods if I hadn't upset you. If I hadn't pushed you away, you would have been fine. If I could have kept my anger under control, you wouldn't have left the party like that." Edward stood up and walked over to the window as he spoke quietly. "If you want Mike, I won't get in your way again."

"What the hell? First of all, I don't 'want' Mike. Second- you were practically having sex with Tanya right there in front of mm….everyone. Maybe you should work at keeping your new girlfriend on a tighter leash." Yes, I was beyond furious at this point.

"Bella.."

"No! I am not done yet. Third, are you seriously so full of yourself that you actually believe that I ran into the woods because you decided to go all caveman?"

I waited for him to say something but he seemed stunned.

"Maybe we should just drop it for now. Besides, Carlisle told me that you haven't been sleeping or eating right. Maybe you should go home and get some rest."

"Please Bella, can we just talk? I'm so sorry. Please, don't make me leave. Not like this."

"Edward, I don't really think now is the right time. I know you were worried about me. I can see that it has affected you deeply- even though I don't understand why. But I need some time to think about everything before we get into this. I'm just not ready to do that now."

"I understand."

I could see the hurt in his eyes. Why did he have to affect me so much? Why did my heart want to reach out to him, comfort him? _Because you are in love with him- that's why idiot. _Great, now I am talking to myself again. _Well, stop talking to yourself and talk to him._ I sighed loudly at myself.

"Edward, I'm not saying we can't be friends, or that we can't talk about this stuff. But let's just not get into it right now okay?"

I could see the hope in his smile. "Okay. Can I come back later and visit you?"

"Tomorrow. Tonight I want you to go home, eat, sleep in your own bed. Don't come back until you have had at least 8 hours of sleep because you look like shit- got it?"

"Yeah, I got it. But don't you want someone to keep you company? Aren't you going to be bored?"

"Carlisle was going to call Charlie, so he will probably be here soon. I can probably talk him into bringing me a book or something. Plus, I should probably call some people and let them know I am ok. I am sure I can keep myself busy. I think you should just worry about you right now."

He reached over to touch my hand but I jerked away. I wasn't ready for this. "Whatever you wish".

"And no hanging out in the waiting area until you think it's been long enough." I cocked an eyebrow at him. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know. He was busted, and he knew it.

"Fine, I'll go home. But I will be back first thing in the morning." He gave me his crooked grin before he left.

_So what just happened there? Why is he acting like this? Like he cares? It must just be guilt. He did think it was his fault that I was in here. I didn't mean to get so angry with him, but he needed to be brought back to reality. Reality was that we had an 'arrangement'. Reality was that he ended that arrangement. He didn't deny that Tanya was his new girlfriend. Although I was still convinced that it was a sex only relationship- at least for Edward. That was just how he learned to cope with things. He had turned his need to feel loved into a need for sex. I had done pretty much the same thing, allowing me to avoid the real problems. I knew Edward cared about me, but also knew that it was because of his feelings of guilt. I wanted him to be with me because he loved me, not because he felt guilty._

My eyes finally started wandering around my room. Typical hospital room, much like all of the other ones I had been in before. My eyes stopped on a vase full of roses across the room. I wondered if Edward had brought those in for me. Roses seemed a bit too cliché` for Edward, but it was a nice gesture.

My thoughts were interrupted when a nurse came in to check my vitals.

"It's good to see you awake. You had a lot of people worried about you." She smiled down at me as she checked my temperature. "I think some of the boys were too scared to come in when they noticed that Edward wasn't leaving." She chuckled slightly at the memory.

"What? Who came by?"

"There was a nice young man that brought you the roses- but he waited until Edward was gone before dropping those off. And there was another young man, looked like he had been in a fight, but he only came by once."

"Was there a card with the flowers?" I asked nervously, not sure I really wanted to know who they were from. She walked over to the flowers and plucked out the small card that was tucked into the bouquet.

"Here you are. I will be back to check on you in a couple of hours. If you need anything in the meantime just press your call button ok?" I nodded my response to her and she left the room. I looked down at the card in my hand and forced myself to read what it said.

_Baby Bell-_

_I won't be far away._

_James_

I didn't have time to go into full blown panic mode because Charlie walked in. He rushed over and hugged me as best he could.

"Easy, Dad you're gonna suffocate me!" I laughed at his show of affection.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. It's just so good to see you awake!" He looked slightly embarrassed.

"Don't be sorry. It's good to be back in the land of the living!"

"So, Carlisle tells me you will be ready to come home in a couple more days."

"Do you think you could talk him into letting me out now?"

"Bells, I think he knows what's best in this situation. Why are you so anxious to get home?"

"I just don't like hospitals." It was the truth, but not the real reason. Now that I knew James had been here and that it wasn't just a dream, I didn't want to risk being left alone again. I really wishing now that I hadn't sent Edward away.

"So, where's Edward?" He grumbled. "That boy has been impossible to keep away from here you know? Is there something going on with the two of you that I should know about?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "No, Dad. He is just a good friend." He snorted at my comment.

"Bella, don't give me that crap. He cares about you a lot more than as a friend. If I had to take a guess, I would say that he loved you."

I shook my head no. "No Dad. It's not like that at all. I was just there for him when he really needed a friend to talk to about stuff with his father. He was just trying to return the favor."

"You didn't answer me about where he is? He hasn't left your side willingly the whole time you have been here."

"I made him go home and get some sleep. I told him he couldn't come back until he had at least 8 hours of sleep, and that he had to eat something too." I decided now was the time to change the subject. "So where's Mom? I figured she would be here as much as she worries."

"She is still trying to get back. Remember she and Phil were going on that cruise?" He paused looking to see if I remembered. I couldn't believe I forgot about it. She was so excited to be going. "As soon as they get to the next port, she is going to get off and find a plane to fly up here to be with you."

"Dad, tell her not to do that. I'm fine. She doesn't need to ruin her vacation because of this. Besides, it's not like there is anything that she can do."

"I doubt she will listen to me. But I will have her call you and you can try to convince her." I just nodded my head knowing he was probably right.

"I figured you might get bored, so I stopped by the house and picked up a couple of books for you. Wasn't sure what you would want, so I grabbed the ones that were the most worn out." He laughed.

"It's perfect Dad. Those are my favorite ones, and I just can't stop re-reading them."

We talked for a while longer but I could tell Charlie was really uncomfortable. He hated hospitals almost as much as I did. After a few protests he finally agreed to go home and get some rest. He had to work again in the morning but told me he would drop by after his shift ended and to call him if I needed anything else.

I didn't have time to worry about being alone because Rose and Alice came in right after Charlie left. Both were grinning from ear to ear, but Alice was a ball of excitement that couldn't be contained. She bounced around the room before finally settling on the edge of the bed gushing about how happy she was that I was finally awake.

"So what happened? I mean, I know I tripped and hit my head, but what happened? Who found me? Why was Edward the one that brought me in? Spill…" I knew between the two of them I could finally put together a few pieces of the puzzle.

"Before we go into that, why don't you tell us what you were doing in the woods in the first place?" Rose said as she crossed her arms and gave me a look that told me they weren't talking until I told them what happened.

I sighed heavily knowing that they deserved to know the truth. I explained to them about the phone call from James, and freaking out. That I was not thinking about where I was going, just trying to get away, when I tripped.

"Well, it was Ben that called out to you. He and Angela were worried about you being so close to the woods. He found you, and was still with you when Jasper found you. Apparently by the time Emmett and Edward got there you had already lost a lot of blood. Edward ran over to you freaking out and not letting anyone near you. He carried you to the car, and held you all the way to the hospital. He talked to you the whole time, begging you to come back to him, and telling you that he loved you. He was a complete wreck Bella." Alice said sniffing back tears. "We all thought we had lost you". She leaned over and hugged me fiercly.

"I'm so sorry guys. I just freaked out. So much was going on, and I didn't want anyone to hear me talking to James."

"Bella, did you talk to Edward about this? Did you tell him about James?" Rose asked.

"No. We didn't really talk long, before I made him go home and get some rest. He looks awful. I just couldn't put more on him right now." I decided to go ahead and tell them about the flowers. I knew I needed their help, but I still didn't want Edward to know.

"After Edward left, the nurse came in and told me that a couple of guys had been here to see me. One of them was James."

They both gasped. "Are you sure it was him Bella?"

"When I was out, I thought I was dreaming you know? But I could hear him talking to me. He left the roses, and this." I handed them the card.

"Shit!" Rose said. "I'm telling Emmett. We need to make sure that someone is with you at all times, so he can't get to you again."

"Please don't do that, not yet. He won't do anything while I am still in here. It's too risky for him. But I think I would be okay with a little extra company once I get home. I just don't want Edward to know, so you have to promise me you won't say anything to him."

"I'm not making that promise."

"Me either. Bella, Edward loves you with everything he is. You shouldn't keep this from him."

"Alice, I know you guys think that, but he just feels guilty. It's nothing more than that. Besides, he needs to focus on going to Chicago. You guys are supposed to be leaving in what? 2 days or something? I promise, I will talk to him after he has dealt with everything there first. He needs to do this, so he can heal. I am not going to let anything happen to change that."

I had made up my mind. Besides, I didn't want Edward to do anything stupid. I needed time to figure out what to do.

"Do either of you happen to know what happened to my cell phone? Edward doesn't have it does he?" A whole new fear washed through me as I thought back to the text messages that I hadn't erased yet. It was stupid to keep them, but did just in case I needed proof against James, in case I decided to tell someone about him.

"No, we didn't see it when we found you, but it was really dark, and we weren't looking for it. I don't think Edward has it. He was too focused on you to worry about something like that." Alice said.

"I can call Angela and ask her if she and Ben can go back out and look for it for you."

"Thanks. Can you take this, and get rid of the roses for me too?" I handed Rose the card.

"Sure, I'll take care of it for you."

The nurse came back in and told us that visiting hours were over. Rose looked like she was going to protest, but I told her I would be fine. She finally gave up and they went home.

I tried to come up with a game plan. I really didn't know what to do. It was obvious James was going to get to me again. I knew I just needed to be strong. Maybe if I didn't give in to the fear, I wouldn't be such a prize for him anymore. He seemed to get off on fear. He said he missed hearing me beg. As I drifted off to sleep, I told myself I had to be strong and fight.

******

EPOV:

Bella had made me come home last night to try to get some sleep. I think she just couldn't stand the sight of me anymore, and didn't want me near her. The longer I was away from her, the more I was convinced that she had never really wanted me. We were only together because of that stupid arrangement. I only suggested it, because I thought it would be easier for her that way. My heart belonged to her, even if she didn't want it. She was my life. If she didn't want to be with me, and I can't say that I blame her for that, I would do whatever I could to make sure I was there if she ever did need me. The fear of almost losing her made me realize just how deep my feelings for her were. It was like I couldn't breathe unless she was near me.

I only managed a few hours of sleep in between nightmares. I decided I wasn't going to go to Chicago after all. There was no way I could leave Bella, even for a few days. I needed to be here and needed to try to repair all of the damage I had done. I resolved myself to the fact that she would never want me as a boyfriend. She deserved so much more than what I could give.

I went back over our conversation for the millionth time trying to figure out what I needed to do to make things right. She didn't want Mike. The vision of her dancing with him kept replaying through my mind. I finally gave into the memory and tried to remember everything that had happened.

*_flashback*_

_I was driving into town to pick up a movie and pizza for an evening of trying to forget about Bella. I saw a car on the side of the road with a flat tire. Tanya was standing there trying to figure out how to work the jack. I pulled over to offer my assistance. I was raised to be a gentleman, and it would have been wrong to just leave her there stranded. As it turned out, she didn't have a spare tire, so asked if I could take her to the party. She said she would just have her Dad come get her car in the morning. I was planning on dropping her off, and then going on about my night. _

_When we got there I let Tanya persuade me into coming in for just a minute before heading back out. I knew it was a bad idea, but my desire to see Bella took over and before I knew it we were getting a beer and she was leading me towards the dance floor. My eyes automatically locked on Bella and everything and everyone else disappeared. Until I heard Tanya trying to tell Bella that we were together. What. The. Fuck! I tried to pull Tanya away from Bella so I could explain to her in no uncertain terms that we were not together, and never would be. Then I was going to go find Bella and try to explain it all to her. _

_Tanya wouldn't listen, and kept wrapping herself around me. She then pointed out to me that Bella seemed to have found someone else. I pulled her onto the dance floor. Stupid move on my part- but I wanted to see if I could hear anything that Mike and Bella were talking about. I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Then Bella looked at me, and I couldn't stop staring at her. Wishing that she was in my arms. Things just escalated from there. Mike started grabbing at her, and she was pushing him away, telling him no. My temper flared. No way was I going to let this asshole touch my girl! I saw red. Next thing I know, Bella is asking me why I care, and then walks away. Before I could go after her, Jasper blindsides me. Then he and Emmett are arguing, Emmett was restraining me, but Jasper kept getting past him and throwing punches. I finally gave into it- I deserved to have my ass kicked._

_Next thing I know, Bella is missing, and we find her unconscious in the woods. My emotions take over and everything I felt for her came pouring out. I had to make this right._

_*end flashback*_

I hadn't realized that I had started crying. I quickly brushed the tears away, determined now more than ever to make things right between us.

******

A/N: Thanks for putting up with my delays… life has been hectic, and I am trying to find time for all of it. This Chapter kind of stalled out on me for a while- and I had to step away from it for a bit. Sorry. Please let me know what you think… feed my addiction!

Reviews=Love & Hugs


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I own nothing… characters and Twilight all belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow them for a bit of a joyride, and then send them back in need of a wash…

A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone who has my story as a fav, or put me on author alert. I especially want to thank everyone who has been so generous with their time to review the story. I can't even describe how much your words mean to me… Hopefully I don't let you down. I know the updates have been sporadic and not on any set schedule and I am sorry about that. When I started the story I had a plan, and it has kind of fallen apart with real life stuff. With that said- I am really trying to get more out there for you, and get the story moving along. And now, on to more important things….

Chapter 16

BPOV:

I didn't get much sleep with the nurses coming to check on me every hour or two. It was oddly comforting knowing that it would be harder for James to sneak in with them constantly checking on me. I still didn't want Edward to know about James. He had his own stuff to focus on right now. I knew that even if we weren't a couple, he still hated James for what he had done to me. I admit, I was afraid that James would hurt Edward. I couldn't risk letting anything happen to Edward. He had helped pull me out of such a dark place. I know that what we had shared in the cabin was special, and I think it helped heal each of us. I think for the first time Edward saw that he wasn't the monster he feared he was. James was a monster.

I let my thoughts drift back to the way Edward looked at me yesterday. I wouldn't let myself believe that he could actually love me, but I could see that he did care about me. I know he hadn't meant to hurt me. I also know that even though he came up with the idea of our arrangement, I was more than eager to go along with it. Over the past couple of months we had become extremely close. It felt to me like we were part of the same whole. It was hard to breathe without him near me. I wonder if that isn't what scared him. Was he starting to feel something more for me? I know that would terrify Edward more than anything else. He was so afraid of getting close to someone because he felt like he would only end up hurting them. Even though he didn't talk about it, I knew he still thought of himself as evil. I think he kept waiting for me to run away from him screaming. More than anything I wanted to prove to him that he was good. That he deserved to love and be loved. I just wish I knew how to do that.

"Hey Beautiful! May I come in?"

I couldn't hide the smile that immediately spread across my face at the mere sound of his voice.

"That depends; did you sleep and eat a proper meal?" His smile faded slightly and his eyes looked both pained and worried.

"I tried to. It was hard to sleep knowing that you were still here. I missed hearing your breathing, and even the stupid heart monitor. Funny, while you were in a coma they were almost soothing. I did manage a few hours of sleep, and I did eat." He looked up at me through his thick eyelashes and ventured a step in the door with a sheepish grin on his face. "Is that good enough to gain admittance?"

"Hmmm." I pretended to contemplate for a minute before answering, "I guess it will have to do."

His face lit up like a little kid on Christmas morning. He walked over to my side, leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Thank You, Bella. I was hoping that you would say that. I actually have something for you." He pulled his hand out from behind his back to show me the most beautiful arrangement of wildflowers. He was holding a brown bag in his other hand.

"They are beautiful Edward. Thank you. But you didn't need to get me anything."

"I remembered that you loved wildflowers, and wanted to do something nice for you. It's not a big deal Bella. I also stopped at the bakery on the way over and picked up a blueberry muffin for you."

"Yummy! Thank you. That was really sweet."

"I knew you loved Blueberry Muffins, and figured the food in here probably wasn't really doing much for you." I giggled a little and nodded my agreement, but didn't waste any time biting into the yummy treat.

Edward was silent while I ate. He got up and started pacing the room. I could tell he was trying to work himself up enough to have our talk. He was completely lost to his own thoughts and didn't notice as I sat there watching him.

"Edward, could you please sit down? You are starting to make me nervous with all of the pacing."

He looked embarrassed but came to sit down next to me. He wouldn't look at me.

"Bella, I'm really sorry."

"Edward, you have nothing to be sorry for. I wish you would see that. Besides, we had… an arrangement… it's not like we were really boyfriend and girlfriend- right? I mean, I knew you didn't really want that from me in the first place. I know that we will be friends again, but you need to give me some time to get use to the change. Ok?"

"Bella, can I please explain things? Will you let me do that before you push me away?"

I nodded my head, even though I didn't really want him to torture himself more. He seemed determined to do this, so I agreed.

"Bella, since you fell into my lap that first day in Biology, I haven't wanted anyone else." He paused and ran his hand through his hair before starting again, "I don't know how to love someone, but I want to try with you. There is no way that I deserve you, and I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I pushed you away because I was scared. I don't want to ever do anything to hurt you, but I have realized that I can't be away from you either. It nearly killed me not knowing if you were going to be ok."

He paused for a minute and looked up at me, trying to read my reaction. I couldn't wrap my head around what he was saying just yet, so I waited for him to continue.

"The night of Ben's party, I was planning a nice quiet evening at home. I was coming into town to get a movie and pizza. Tanya's car had a flat, so I stopped to help her. I ended up giving her a ride to the party when I saw that she didn't have a spare. I _only_ came inside because I wanted to see you. I don't know how to describe it, but there is just this constant pull that keeps drawing me to you. I can't resist it anymore. I'm not strong enough, and I don't want to resist it.

"Tanya is not, and will never be my girlfriend. The only person I want to fill that role is you. I was dragging her out of the room to tell her in no uncertain terms that I would never be with her. That you were the one that held my heart, and the only one I wanted. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept trying to _convince_ me that I would be better off with her. Then she pointed out that you had moved on with Mike." He spat out Mike's name and started running his fingers through his hair, pulling on the ends. "God Bella, I wanted to rip him to shreds for having his hands on you. But the way you were dancing with him, plus what Tanya was saying, made me think that you had moved on."

"I didn't even know who I was dancing with at first. I was just letting the music take over, and thinking about you, trying to forget about you, but wishing it was you that I was dancing with."

"It was the same for me. I pulled Tanya onto the dance floor because I had to know what he was saying to you. And because I just needed to be close to you- even if I couldn't be with you." He let out a heavy sigh. "When he started grabbing you, and pulling you to him I wanted to rip his arms off. When I heard you telling him no, I just lost it. Nobody was going to touch you like that if you didn't want it." He growled out in frustration. "I didn't mean to scare you, and make you run away."

"Actually, I thought it was pretty sexy." I gave him a small smirk and continued. "I just couldn't understand why you were defending my honor when you so obviously didn't want me anymore. It looked pretty obvious that you were with Tanya and wanted her. You can't deny that she had you…uhm…aroused. I needed to get some air, and put some distance between us while I sorted it all out."

"Bella, the whole time I was dancing with Tanya, I was looking at you, imagining you in my arms again. It wasn't Tanya that had me that way… it was you." He finished in a whisper, and blushed. That's right- Edward- fucking- Cullen blushed! It made my heart ache for him even more, if that's even possible.

"Really?" I wanted to believe him, but in the back of my mind I was hearing myself screaming 'Bullshit'!

"Yes. Really." His eyes met mine in an intense gaze that seemed to convey everything he felt for me. "Bella, I don't know how to do this, but I have fallen so completely, and deeply in love with you, that the thought of being away from you for even a moment makes my heart feel like it is breaking."

His whispered words seemed to touch my very soul. He leaned in and softly kissed me. I felt complete again. Nothing else mattered at this moment except for the two of us. The kiss was so tender and loving. I put all of the love I felt for him in that kiss. It gave me the strength I needed to let him know with words how I felt for him.

"Edward, I love you more than anything in this world." I whispered breathlessly to him.

I knew I needed to tell him about James, and the phone call and text messages, but I didn't want to mar such a wonderful moment. When he finally pulled away for more air I decided we needed to continue with our conversation. We still had a lot to talk about. I knew our time was limited because he would be going to Chicago soon. I needed to know when, and for how long.

"So when do you guys leave for Chicago?"

"I'm not going."

"Why?"

"I don't want to leave you." He said as he turned away and looked out the window again.

"Edward, I am not going anywhere. This is something you need to do. How are you supposed to get past everything he did to you? I think you really need this. I think you need to confront your fears. You are strong enough to do this." I was afraid that he was just using me as an excuse. A way out. "I won't let you use me as an excuse to not face this head on."

"I'm not using you as an excuse."

"You are. You are trying to focus all your energy on me, so you don't have to deal with that bastard, and what he did to you. Are you trying to tell me now that you don't care if he gets out and tries to find you? Do you think it will be easier for you to handle if he just shows up at your house some day?"

He didn't say anything as he continued to stare out the window, clenching his hands into fists.

"Edward, come here, please?"

He walked over to me with his head down. I made room for him to sit next to me on the bed. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

"You are strong. You can do this. I believe in you Edward. I know if will be difficult, but you are not that helpless little boy anymore. He can't hurt you anymore. He has no power over you anymore. You and Alice are safe. You are loved. And you deserve happiness. You are the most loving, caring person I know. I wish you could look at yourself through my eyes, and my heart. Then you would know, without a doubt, how amazing you are. You have a beautiful soul."

I could feel his tears soaking my nightgown. I pulled back slightly to cup his face in my hands and wipe them away. "You have no idea how wonderful, and good you really are. You deserve to love and be loved. Don't let him take any more away from you. Let him know that you are in control now, and that he means nothing."

He stared into my eyes for a long time, searching for something. I tried to show him the love that I felt for him. After a while he sighed, and his face softened.

"How do you do it? How do you make me feel like I am worthy of all of this? That I deserve to be happy?"

"Because it's the truth and somewhere deep down you know that. I love you Edward. I believe in you. I know that you are strong enough to do this. You deserve to be able to move on. You won't ever be able to do that until you face your fear." I was speaking from my heart, and I wasn't sure exactly where the words were coming from. I just wanted to give him strength, and all of my love.

"Thank you Bella. Thank you for making me believe in myself again." He leaned in and kissed me tenderly. His lips barely a whisper on my own. "I will do this. But I still don't want to be away from you."

"Silly boy… don't you know that you will never be able to get away from me? You have my heart- it goes wherever you do." I smiled up at him. Even though I said it teasingly, it was true. I wasn't whole unless he was with me. My heart belonged to him now.

The intensity of his eyes showed me that he was starting to realize just how deeply I cared for him. He held my face between his palms and continued to look into my eyes. I could see the love I felt for him reflected back at me.

"I love you Bella". My heart was about to jump out of my chest (as the monitor seemed to confirm). He kissed me deeply, passionately, but quickly released me and looked over at the monitor and started to chuckle.

We spent the rest of the morning talking and joking around. We had already said everything that we needed to. When he finally had to leave to get ready for his flight I reminded him he was strong enough to do this.

Carlisle came in before noon to sign my release and to thank me for whatever I had said to Edward.

"Bella, whatever you did or said to him has given him an inner strength that I never thought I would see. Thank you."

"I just reminded him that he wasn't that helpless child anymore. Please take care of him Carlisle. Don't let him shut down again, please?"

"I will do my best Bella. I don't think he will go there again, as long as he knows you are here for him. He loves you, you know?"

I felt the blush creep over my skin as I smiled back at him and whispered "I love him too."

Carlisle smiled at me then changed the conversation sensing my embarrassment of the current topic. He discussed all the medical things I needed to be aware of, and told me to stay off of my ankle as much as possible. He also told me that Charlie was on his way to take me home.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on forever. Charlie hovered… something he never does, until I finally yelled at him and told him to give me some space. I was worried about Edward, and just wanted some time alone.

Around midnight my phone beeped letting me know I had a new text message.

_I'm scared._

_-E_

I wanted to hold him close to me and tell him that he was safe. My arms ached to hold him.

_You are wrapped up safe in my arms. I won't let anyone hurt you again. _

_-B_

I wrapped my arms tightly around my waist and thought of Edward. I was hoping that somehow, he could feel my love for him and feel my arms around him holding him tight.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Sorry about the long delay in getting this chapter out. Real Life is making it nearly impossible to find time to work on this. (I love the story too much to not put the effort into making it the best I can-so thanks for sticking with me through this). Hopefully- I haven't lost everyone who was reading. It really makes my life happier knowing that you guys are out there reading this- and that you like it. I've made you wait too long already- so on with the story…**_

_**Disclaimer: owns all the great ideas and wonder that is Twilight. I only wish that someday I could achieve her level of writing. **_

Chapter 17

_Recap of last chapter:_

Around midnight my phone beeped letting me know I had a new text message.

_I'm scared._

_-E_

I wanted to hold him close to me and tell him that he was safe. My arms ached to hold him.

_You are wrapped up safe in my arms. I won't let anyone hurt you again. _

_-B_

I wrapped my arms tightly around my waist and thought of Edward. I was hoping that somehow, he could feel my love for him and feel my arms around him holding him tight.

****

EPOV:

I don't know how she did it, but Bella always managed to calm me. She always seemed to know exactly how I was feeling and what to say to make me feel like I could be worthy of her love. She believed in me. She saw something in me, and made me want to be the person that she saw. Her love gave me the strength and courage I needed to face any challenge. When we were parted, my fears and doubts would creep back in.

Now that I was back in Chicago I could feel the fear starting to creep back in. I didn't let it incapacitate me like it did before. Now when I closed my eyes it was Bella's face that I saw instead of the face of the monster. I was still scared about how things would go at the hearing and my nerves made it nearly impossible to sleep. I finally sent Bella a quick and simple text letting her know how I was. Her response, as usual, was exactly what I needed. Once I let myself picture her arms around me, holding me, I drifted off to sleep.

Morning came too quickly, and I had to prepare for seeing my father. We met with some lawyers and went over what would be asked of me and Alice at the hearing. I was glad when they told me that Alice wouldn't be asked to speak, unless she had something that she wanted to say to the board. They were much more interested in hearing from me. They wanted me to recount some of the horrors that he had inflicted on me- his own flesh and blood. They also wanted me to give a statement about whether or not I felt he deserved to be paroled and why. It was all what I had expected. We were suppose to meet with the board that afternoon. Then we would be able to leave that evening and head back home. I was more than anxious to get this over with. I wanted nothing more than to be back home and feel Bella's arms wrapped around me.

We had returned to the hotel after the morning meeting since we still had over 3 hours before the hearing would start. We had no sooner walked in the door before someone was knocking at it. Carlisle opened the door and I saw 2 men that identified themselves as Detectives. I couldn't hear what they were saying to Carlisle but it looked serious. After a few moments he glanced over at me and Alice then turned back to the Detectives and said "Please give me a few minutes?"

There was a look of what? Sympathy? That crossed their faces before they nodded. The taller one with dark hair glanced over at us and the then told him they would be waiting outside.

Carlisle crossed the room running his hands through his hair. He was struggling with what he was about to tell us. The look on his face said that it was something serious, and something he wasn't comfortable having to tell us like this.

"Edward, Alice, come sit down. There are some new developments that I need to tell you about." We walked over and sat down across from him. I wrapped my arm around Ali because I had a feeling that this would affect her more deeply than me. Carlisle kept glancing up at her.

"The Detectives believe that they have found your Mothers remains. They believe that your father killed her to keep her from reporting what he was doing to you. He won't say anything to them. He says he will only talk to the two of you. Apparently his main demand- if you will- has been that he will only talk to you." He spat out the rest, clearly disturbed by even having to mention it.

Alice started sobbing as Carlisle finished. "The Detectives are hoping that he will come out and confess. If he does, then he will end up on death row, and won't be eligible for parole. They are hoping that you will agree to meet with him. They have postponed the hearing until tomorrow, just in case you agree." Carlisle paused and shook his head.

"Just let me say that I don't like this one bit. I don't want either of you to feel like you have to do any of this. This is not what we were expecting when we agreed to come here. Nobody expects you to do this." With that said, Carlisle just sat there looking at us, waiting for some kind of response.

I rocked Alice as the sobs continued to wrack through her body. She was just shaking her head crying "No" over and over. She eventually broke free of my arms seeking the comfort of the only father she had ever really known. Carlisle spoke softly to her and gently rubbed her back. He kept looking at me. I know he was waiting for a reaction- but I was numb.

I couldn't think clearly at all. I felt like my mind was on overload. I kept seeing flashes of my former existence with that bastard! Between the flashes of my Mothers face and the years of feeling abandoned by her, I felt guilt for not letting myself even believe that this could be a possibility. I had betrayed my Mother by not even considering that he had hurt her too. I couldn't stay her- I needed to get out. I was too confined. I felt like a caged animal just waiting to attack.

I bolted out of the door and ran to the stairs. I didn't have a clue where I was going, but running was helping to drown out all of the emotions, and memories. I concentrated on the burning in my legs, and the pain in my lungs as I sucked in each breath. I didn't notice how cold it was out, nor did I care.

When I finally collapsed from exhaustion I realized I was at the one place I had been running from all of these years. I couldn't move. All of the memories flooded into my mind holding me captive.

I don't know how long I sat there on the lawn in front of the house that was my own personal hell for so long. I was starting to realize that my body was aching from being in the same position for so long. I don't remember grabbing my cell phone, or calling her. All I remember was suddenly hearing her voice.

"Edward?"

Silence.

"Edward? Are you okay? Are you there?"

Darkness.

"Please Edward. Say something. You're scaring me- please let me know you are okay. Please Edward? Just say something…" I could hear her crying. No. Bella shouldn't be crying. She deserves happiness. She doesn't need a monster like me in her life. She was so perfect. She was everything that was good. But I was a selfish monster, and I needed her.

"Bella…. I… I'm so sorry Bella. I don't know what to do." I didn't even recognize my own voice.

"Oh Edward. Baby, what happened?" Her voice was full of love and concern that I didn't deserve. Why couldn't she see that everyone that came in contact with me ended up destroyed?

"I…I… I can't. It hurts so fucking much, Bella. I don't think I can do this now. Th…they think he killed my M..m..mom." I wasn't sure if she heard or even understood what I was saying. I was crying so hard it felt like I was being ripped apart with each new sob.

She tried to console me, as I fought to control my body's violently tearful reaction. She cooed words of love and affection, and finally just hummed until my breathing was a bit more controlled.

"Bella, I'm sorry. This isn't fair to you. I shouldn't have called. I just don't know how I can face him now. I don't know how to do this."

"Edward" Bella snapped. "This isn't fair to anyone. You didn't deserve any of this to happen to you. I know you are scared- you wouldn't be human if you weren't! But you are strong enough to face this. You won't ever be able to move on, if you don't face him. You know that. If he did do something to your Mother- don't you want to know? Don't you want to make him pay for his crimes?" All of the emotion flowing from her was giving me the strength I needed to get through this. It made me feel like even more of a burden to her.

"I know you're right Bella. I just don't know how to face him. How do I do this without having the flashbacks, and end up like a fucking zombie again?"

"You have the strength in you Edward. You are everything that is good and wonderful with this fucked up world. He is a pathetic excuse for a human. Despite everything that he did- you still have so much love and compassion. You have shown me what it feels like to be loved. I don't know how you get through this- but I know that you won't be able to face yourself unless you try. You don't have to face this alone either. Don't you know that I am here for you? I will always be here for you."

I didn't know what to say. I was in awe that this amazing angelic creature felt this way about me. She had enough faith for both of us.

"Edward, you are strong enough to do this. Don't ever doubt how much I love you and believe in you. I am always here for you. No matter what!"

"Thank you Bella. I love you. I don't know how I am going to do this- but you always seem to give me the strength I need to face my demons. I would be completely lost without you."

We continued to talk, but the mood had lightened considerably as I worked my way back through the crowded streets towards the hotel. Once my initial panic was gone, I was able to talk more openly about everything. Bella continued to listen and offer encouragement. She understood that this might throw our return trip back a few more days. We wouldn't know until later today how things played out.

As I walked through the door to our hotel room, I saw relief wash across Carlisle's face. Alice was sleeping on the couch.

"How is she doing?"

"She will be okay. How about you? How are doing?"

"Better now." He arched an eyebrow at my comment, urging more, but not pushing. "I ended up at our old house. I'm not exactly sure how I even found it."

Carlisle just sat there waiting. He knew this was hard for me, and I was glad that he wasn't pushing for me to say anything before I was ready.

"I need to do this. I need to find out what happened to our Mother, and to make sure he pays for everything he did- to all of us. I am done with letting him rule my life." I was surprised at how determined I sounded.

"Very well then. The detectives that were here earlier would like to talk to you, if you think you are up for it. The hearing has been postponed until tomorrow. If you think you are ready, I will call them to set up a time for all of this." His worry was clearly evident on his face as he spoke. I nodded my head so he would know I was ready to do this.

*****

The meeting with the Detectives was fairly brief. They informed me that recently the remains of my Mother had been uncovered near our old house. The coroner's statement showed that she had suffered a great deal of injuries. Practically every bone in her body had been broken. I don't know how I held myself together as they continued to drone on. I managed to separate myself from the emotions- and just learn as much as I could about what they thought happened.

"Edward, I know this is going to be difficult for you, but it would really help our case if we could find out more about what happened to your Mother. Your father says he is only willing to talk to you and your sister. Do you think you could handle speaking with him?"

"I want to try. I want him to pay for all of the pain he has caused." My voice was monotone, and void of all emotion.

They simply nodded and told me that they would be back in a few minutes. Memories of my Mother's face haunted me as I waited. I couldn't remember her clearly anymore, but the way she would smile or the way I felt when she would hug me were still strong.

Soon the Detectives were back and asked me to follow them to the visitor's area. They told me that they had set up an interrogation room for our meeting. They would be standing outside watching, and there would also be camera's recording everything. Again, all I could do was nod.

The room was empty except for a table and three chairs. My heart was pounding so hard it was a wonder that nobody else could hear it. The door finally opened. The detectives led in a man wearing one of those orange jumpsuits you see prisoners in movies. His hands and legs were shackled. This was my father. No. He was never my father- this was the Monster. This was the monster? He didn't look anything at all like I remembered. My fear gave way to the anger that was boiling inside of me just waiting to explode.

He was sitting across from me but didn't look up. While I was waiting for him to talk, I looked him over. He looked almost frail. I could tell that his time in prison hadn't treated him well, and for that I was glad. He had a deep scar across the right side of his face, just barely missing his eye. His skin was pasty white and almost translucent. I was disgusted by the sight of him. Just being this close to him made me want to throw up. I didn't feel afraid of him anymore. Now I can see that he is nothing. When he finally looked in my eyes, he flinched slightly. Then that sneer that I remembered from my youth. I watched as he licked his lips greedily while looking at me. Everything about him was vile and repulsive. I fought to keep my composure. I couldn't afford to lose control, at least, not until I found out the truth about my mother.

"What did you do to my Mother you sick bastard?" I growled at him and slammed my hand down on the table separating us.

"Now, now Edward. Is that any way to greet to your father?"

"You were never my father."

"That hurts Edward. You are my son. You are the cause of all of this. I only did what I had to do to banish the evil. I'm only sorry that I didn't get to finish the job." He paused while searching my face. "I can still see the demons inside of you. They are begging to be set free. They will eventually break through- and then the world will know that I was right. They will see you for what you really are. They don't see it now. All they see is what you show them. You have them all fooled don't you? Does anyone know your true nature besides me? You will lure them in with your charms, and your looks- they won't even know how monstrous you will become. They will be at ease and trust you. But you will slaughter them all. You will destroy their souls. You are an abomination- I was trying to save the world from your evil. In the end, they will beg me to banish you to the farthest depths of hell. When that time comes, I will rejoice in all that is holy. I will finally get to finish what I started. I am stronger now. I have learned how to resist, and how to fight. They will beg for my mercy- as I destroy those that would protect your evil powers. Just like I did with your Mother. She tried to stop me- but in the end good always triumphs!"

I did my best to hold back the flood of memories as the words flew out of his mouth. My body wanted to jump across the table and rip him limb from limb. Instead I focused on calming my breathing back down. I briefly thought of Bella, and then felt as though I had the strength to get through anything.

"I'm going to ask you once more- What did you do to my Mother?"

"You always were the impatient one. Fine, if you want to hear it so badly, I will tell you. I think you will probably enjoy hearing this… almost as much as I will." With that he started laughing almost maniacally. I could feel my temper flaring even more, threatening to break through. My fists were clenching, and aching for me to jump across the table and inflict every bit as much harm on him, as he had on me. I couldn't let myself turn into him. I had to fight it. Eventually his laughter died down and he started to speak again.

"Your Mother wanted to protect you. She didn't understand. She couldn't see the evil inside of you. She couldn't see the monster that you are. She thought you were just another innocent child that needed to be protected. What she didn't understand was that you are all that is evil. Everything about you was created by the devil himself. You were created to draw people to you so you could bend them to your will. I was trying to save the world from having to endure your existence. They are all such fools… they don't see what you are. I'm the only one who saw what you are." He paused for several minutes. He seemed to be somewhere completely different.

I was fighting back the onslaught of memories of what he had done to me in the past. I couldn't let him have any power over me now. He was mumbling something under his breath, then seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in. He shifted in his seat. His face was cold and heartless. "You were supposed to die that day. It should have been your blood spilled. She didn't understand. She didn't believe me when I told her this was God's will. Somehow, you had already turned her to do your evil bidding."

"What did you do?" I demanded- my whole body was wound tight and ready to spring across the table and force the answers from him if necessary.

"When she saw what you were doing- how you had twisted my mind to do your evil deeds- she accused me of being evil. She didn't understand that I was the only one strong enough to stop you from spreading your evil throughout the world. Too late now. All hope is gone. Nothing matters anymore…." He said as his voice trailed off. Once again, his eyes glazed over and he looked like he was having a conversation with someone who wasn't there.

"I followed her out of the room. Pleaded with her to hear me out, to listen. But she said she was going to go to the police. She was going to take you away from me, before I could finish cleansing you of evil. They told me it had to be done. You had already destroyed her soul. She was lost- so I did her a favor- she wouldn't have wanted to live anymore without her soul. She fought like she had been possessed. I took my time teaching her how she should behave. She kept fighting- even after I broke her bones."

Tears were streaming down my face and the anger continued to well inside of me. I was barely aware of the Detectives coming back in the room. The bastard kept talking, describing in detail everything he did to my mother. I heard him talking, but my brain was no longer processing what he was saying. I vaguely remember one of the officers leading me out of the room- I was only aware of the drone of his voice fading and dying out completely as we walked.

I must have blacked out again. When I came to I was back in the hotel. I could hear Carlisle talking on the phone. I tried to focus on his voice and block out the voice of my father replaying in my head. Describing all of the gruesome things he had done to my mother. Surely the police had enough evidence against him now to charge him with my mother's murder- and keep him locked away for the rest of his life. I felt the anger welling up inside of me again and fought to push it away. I wouldn't let him rule my life anymore.

I let my mind focus instead on Bella. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to feel her warmth, hear her voice. But I needed to pull myself together before I tried to talk to her. I was done with falling apart. I needed her like I needed air to breathe- but I needed to be strong for her.

Once I had calmed down enough, I got out of bed and walked into the main area of the suite. Carlisle was still on the phone and didn't notice me walk into the room. Alice was sleeping on the couch. I lightly nudged her to get her to move over enough for me to sit down. Her eyes fluttered open- and she launched herself at me. I managed to catch her and keep us both from falling to the floor.

"Easy there pixie" I told her as I sat us both down on the couch. She gave me a hug and then pulled back to look at me critically.

"So how are you doing Edward?" She asked after a moment.

"I'm fine Ali. It was just a lot to handle, you know?"

"Yeah." She said softly. "I was so afraid we were going to lose you again."

"Don't worry baby sis- someone showed me that I was stronger than I thought. I don't think I will be checking out on you again".

I was still pretty shaky and was trying not to think about what had happened earlier. I didn't want to let myself get overwhelmed by it all again. It was so much to process. I knew there were things that Alice needed to know- and I wasn't sure how well I would hold up relaying what I had learned. I decided to wait until Carlisle was with us before I told her what had happened. She seemed to be waiting for that as well. He would be able to provide more comfort to her than I would.

Knowing that my Mother had not just abandoned us was both a curse and a blessing. I had spent all of this time knowing with every fiber of my being that I was not worthy of anyone's love. Only to find out that my Mother had not been repulsed by me- that she had been trying to save me. That she loved me so much that she died for me…and I felt like I had betrayed her memory all of these years.

********************

I ended up staying up most of the night talking with Carlisle about what had happened. Carlisle seemed to read me pretty well earlier in the evening and didn't push me for answers while Alice was still awake. She was understandably upset, but handled things pretty well. After she went to bed I asked Carlisle if he would mind talking for a while longer. I wasn't ready to be left alone with my thoughts. He agreed that talking about it might help soften the blow somewhat. We both figured I would be having nightmares again, and he suggested giving me something to help me sleep. I wanted to wait, and see how well I could handle things first. I was surprised when he told me he was proud of the man I was turning into.

Carlisle told us that in light of the confession we were no longer needed to give statements as there would not be a parole hearing now. The Detectives or District Attorney would contact us when they had a new trial date for my Mother's murder. He said it was up to us if we wanted to attend the trial, they had enough evidence plus his confession to lock him away for good this time.

Sleep didn't come easy. When I would drift off I would become bombarded by memories, some were of my Mother, and I tried to cling onto those. The other dreams would were somehow less terrifying than they used to be- they had somehow changed giving me the strength I needed to defend myself. I was no longer the frightened and helpless little boy. What terrified me most about these dreams was the violence that I would unleash on that monster. Yes, I wanted him to die, and I wanted him to suffer for the things that he had done to me and my Mother. Seeing it played out in my dreams, I felt like the monster he said I was, as I tortured him mercilessly.

I was glad we would be heading back home in the morning.


End file.
